Dating these days = hookup culture?

[sickpuppy]

Correct me if I'm wrong but does it seem more like "dating" these days is more of a hookup culture? Like where you sleep with as many people as you can. Keep in text touch and if you see each other you see each other or the more you do you then become a couple?

 

It seems like more girls these days are apt to give it up quicker as if they don't the next girl will yet they don't really mind even if the guy is possibly doing that with multiple girls as that's almost what's expected these days of "real men"?

 

I was talking to a few people in person and that's what they believe. I also seem to have noticed more girls seem to be experimenting with other girls. So it's not just hooking up with multiple guys but girls as well. How the hell do people expect to take each other serious? Or do they even care or think about the possible consequences of sleeping around/ experimenting etc.? Or do they just love the "excitement" of all the drama to gossip with friends? It seems society is going more and more downhill and dysfunctional.

 

Anyone else notice this? I must be completely out of the loop..lol

 

I think I know more people who just meet and hook up then people who actually couple up and do lots of different things together besides fking.

 

Maybe it's the economy as well. Not much money to do things so let's just meet up and hook up, meet more, girls experiment more with girls and so on.

[Mrs.Witter]

from my experience I agree with u and it it does seem that way which is disappointing. I've need single and divorced nearly 4 years and that's exactly what I found. A bunch of men who are looking for Fwb. To be fair most of these men I've met on the internet but still a climate is a climate.

[sickpuppy]

from my experience I agree with u and it it does seem that way which is disappointing. I've need single and divorced nearly 4 years and that's exactly what I found. A bunch of men who are looking for Fwb. To be fair most of these men I've met on the internet but still a climate is a climate.

 

I swear I believe it. I love sex as much as anyone but damn..It's like I don't have time to be meeting, hooking up with, texting everyone and their mother. Guess I'm "screwed". haha. I prefer and would hope someone else prefers to learn and grow together and focus on each other. And be adult enough if things don't work out to then move on.

 

Even hearing of a lot of girls these days experimenting. It's like society has gone buck wild then they "wonder" why they don't trust each other, wind up experimenting, end up in screwed up marriages, end up divorced (if they even ever marry at all.)

 

Who in God's name can concentrate on one person when they are multitasking and juggling several? Do they "really" have a life? How satisfying is it to live life hooking up, then possibly getting a relationship and still being contacted or the need to be contacted in case it doesn't work out? It's like getting into a relationship with one person (if they do) yet keeping in touch with everyone else who drops in ex's included.

 

It's really crazy out there.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

There are many threads popping up on this forum about this.

 

This is the aftermath of the sexual revolution.

 

With traditional gender roles, it was a man's job to push for sex and a woman's job to say no. This allowed for relationships to be built, as the man was forced to put a significant emotional investment into this woman before he got what he wanted (sex). The vast majority of women used to behave like this. Thus, a man couldn't just go elsewhere if the woman didn't give in.

 

In today's society (post-sexual revolution), MANY women have sex freely and easily. Thus, the man no longer has to emotionally invest in the woman to achieve this goal. If a woman doesn't want to behave this way, she is out of luck because there are plenty of other women that WILL have sex right away...and the man may opt for that scenario.

 

Of course, not all men behave this way, but many do. Can you really blame them?

 

There are many more factors at play here, but this is the argument that relates most to the OP. I could go on for hours about this.

[MrCastle]

I don't really believe in relationships for the most part. Unless it's with the right girl...

 

Um, but no, I haven't really noticed it turning into a hook up culture. I think casual sex has always been around. I mean you could argue the 60s-70s free love period had more casual sex than today's society.

 

I actually believe we're a nation of prudes here.

 

Miley Cyrus shakes her little ass and it turns into a national conversation.

 

I mean there are game shows in Japan where the goal is to suck a guy off and fill up a measuring cup to a certain line faster than the girl next to you and her guy.

 

Whereas here, if a girl is grinding on a guy in a club she's a "skank."

 

I think if anything, we're not sexually adventurous enough

[sickpuppy]

There are many threads popping up on this forum about this.

 

This is the aftermath of the sexual revolution.

 

With traditional gender roles, it was a man's job to push for sex and a woman's job to say no. This allowed for relationships to be built, as the man was forced to put a significant emotional investment into this woman before he got what he wanted (sex). The vast majority of women used to behave like this. Thus, a man couldn't just go elsewhere if the woman didn't give in.

 

In today's society (post-sexual revolution), MANY women have sex freely and easily. Thus, the man no longer has to emotionally invest in the woman to achieve this goal. If a woman doesn't want to behave this way, she is out of luck because there are plenty of other women that WILL have sex right away...and the man may opt for that scenario.

 

Of course, not all men behave this way, but many do. Can you really blame them?

 

There are many more factors at play here, but this is the argument that relates most to the OP. I could go on for hours about this.

 

 

That makes perfect sense.

 

thing is I notice or have heard of more women experimenting with other women too. It's almost as if they are seeking the comfort of another woman as they not only want to try it and it's out in the open, pushed in the media etc. but that they are possibly feeling used and not cared for by sleeping with different men who move on after not emotionally investing in them due to them giving it up easily.

[emva07]

We have always been the same human beings, whether sex is out in the open or kept in secrets, the amount of it or the desire of it has never changed.

 

We have reached a turning point where the importance of marriage isn't as strong as it has been in the past, so there is less stress on dating. I'm 26, I am in no rush in trying to date to find a husband when I am already stressed that I graduated college a few years ago and STILL am looking to break into a career, paying student loans, live in a roomate situation. There are more important things to me right now. If I had been 26 back in 1950, I would be more worried about finding a husband. I do want to get married one day, but I am in no rush.

 

Economy also has an impact on it, why date and look for a partner to spend a future with when you yourself aren't established as a person (looking for a job, trying to pay your bills, etc).

[sickpuppy]

We have always been the same human beings, whether sex is out in the open or kept in secrets, the amount of it or the desire of it has never changed.

 

We have reached a turning point where the importance of marriage isn't as strong as it has been in the past, so there is less stress on dating. I'm 26, I am in no rush in trying to date to find a husband when I am already stressed that I graduated college a few years ago and STILL am looking to break into a career, paying student loans, live in a roomate situation. There are more important things to me right now. If I had been 26 back in 1950, I would be more worried about finding a husband. I do want to get married one day, but I am in no rush.

 

Economy also has an impact on it, why date and look for a partner to spend a future with when you yourself aren't established as a person (looking for a job, trying to pay your bills, etc).

 

I'm not trying to say I'm running out looking for a wife. I'm simply talking about it's more of a hookup culture than dating as in going out and doing things, BSing and so forth besides just meeting up to fool around then text each other and when we see each other we see each other..

[MrCastle]

I always, always, always bring this up because I do believe it's part of it...life expectancy.

 

In the past, when the life expectancy was like in the 60s -- the focus was, settle down asap and start popping out kids.

 

But now? When we're living into the 80s and beyond? Who settles down in their 20s and realistically believes they're gonna spend the next 60 years with their lover? I mean really? We're also more self aware as a species.

 

The days of people being married for decades upon decades are over. People know the odds of having that work out are slim so a lot of people are settling down later.

 

And of course the women's rights movement. Women are out there getting degrees and jobs, making their own money, taking care of themselves.

 

Marriage back in the day was the only way a woman could move out of her house and survive. Now she's making money on her own, she doesn't need a man.

 

But sex is a biological urge. So although many young people don't want to settle down, they still want to f*ck!

 

But it doesn't mean just "hooking up" with randos. It can be a fwb situation where it's just one partner. Or a semi-serious bf/gf.

 

But them days of marriage -- them days are antiquated. It's not gonna be like how it was before

[sickpuppy]

I always, always, always bring this up because I do believe it's part of it...life expectancy.

 

In the past, when the life expectancy was like in the 60s -- the focus was, settle down asap and start popping out kids.

 

But now? When we're living into the 80s and beyond? Who settles down in their 20s and realistically believes they're gonna spend the next 60 years with their lover? I mean really? We're also more self aware as a species.

 

The days of people being married for decades upon decades are over. People know the odds of having that work out are slim so a lot of people are settling down later.

 

And of course the women's rights movement. Women are out there getting degrees and jobs, making their own money, taking care of themselves.

 

Marriage back in the day was the only way a woman could move out of her house and survive. Now she's making money on her own, she doesn't need a man.

 

But sex is a biological urge. So although many young people don't want to settle down, they still want to f*ck!

 

But it doesn't mean just "hooking up" with randos. It can be a fwb situation where it's just one partner. Or a semi-serious bf/gf.

 

But them days of marriage -- them days are antiquated. It's not gonna be like how it was before

 

I've been starting to realize that..I think I missed that boat. Not that I'm into the Disneyland fairytale nonsense, but I like to go out different places all the time with my married friends. Single friends seem to not do anything. I'm not sure if there are women out there these days who don't just hook up but like to go out and have fun, see different things etc. as well as have sex.

[SJC2008]

Other than teenage-early 20's experiemting and sleepin around

between R's because they're not ready for another one, I don't beleive in the hookup culture. Most people I encounter IRL are married or in R's

which is why I don't buy the men don't want R's

line either.

[Ruby Slippers]

The US is an empire in decline, and the meaningless debauchery that's exponentially increasing is an indicator of that.

 

The only way to impact this trend positively is to remove yourself from the caricature, and aim higher.

[todreaminblue]

Correct me if I'm wrong but does it seem more like "dating" these days is more of a hookup culture? Like where you sleep with as many people as you can. Keep in text touch and if you see each other you see each other or the more you do you then become a couple?

 

I was talking to a few people in person and that's what they believe. I also seem to have noticed more girls seem to be experimenting with other girls. So it's not just hooking up with multiple guys but girls as well. How the hell do people expect to take each other serious? Or do they even care or think about the possible consequences of sleeping around/ experimenting etc.? Or do they just love the "excitement" of all the drama to gossip with friends? It seems society is going more and more downhill and dysfunctional.

 

Anyone else notice this? I must be completely out of the loop..lol

 

 

Maybe it's the economy as well. Not much money to do things so let's just meet up and hook up, meet more, girls experiment more with girls and so on.

 

 

 

in the younger generation yes....its cool to be bi....turns guys on apparently.......so a lot fo women or younger women say they experiment more than actually waht si actually happening...apparently...going by what my teens say......

 

 

i think it really doesnt matter as logn as you hold firm to what you feel si right...if you date and do other things than fcking then you should do that....deb

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

We have always been the same human beings, whether sex is out in the open or kept in secrets, the amount of it or the desire of it has never changed.

 

I've actually had debates about this with my parents and grandparents.

 

Yes, people did these things back then, but most didn't (even behind closed doors).

 

Here's an interesting question to ponder: Do you think that what we have today is us in our "natural" state? Or do you think that people are just as influenced by our culture as they were 60 years ago (albeit in different ways)? Remember that our culture has changed dramatically over the past few decades.

 

I personally believe that what people do today have nothing to do with what they actually want to do. People are people. Most are sheep and just do what everyone else is doing.

 

I believe that the desire to do these kinds of things has drastically increased as it has been more and more promoted (notice I didn't say "accepted") by our culture.

 

It should be noted that I was not a bystander of the hookup culture. I've fully participated in it. This revelation came about, not only with research, but also through observations of others and experience.

[MalachiX]

Actually, a recent survey found that college students are hooking up any more than they did 10 or 20 years ago. The real change is simply that people are more open about it.

 

Every generation worries that the kids are having "too much sex" but the reality seems to be that things really haven't changed much since the sexual revolution int he 60s. Article below if you're interested:

 

Study: Despite the new 'hookup culture,' college students aren't having more sex than they used to - San Jose Mercury News

[sickpuppy]

Actually, a recent survey found that college students are hooking up any more than they did 10 or 20 years ago. The real change is simply that people are more open about it.

 

Every generation worries that the kids are having "too much sex" but the reality seems to be that things really haven't changed much since the sexual revolution int he 60s. Article below if you're interested:

 

Study: Despite the new 'hookup culture,' college students aren't having more sex than they used to - San Jose Mercury News

 

 

I've seen it past college...way past college. In jobs I've worked in married etc. people hooking up etc.

 

Heck in my current part time I see and have heard of women hitting on women and fooling around. Married people, the younger people. etc.

 

It's almost as if you have any character, integrity and self-respect you're seen as "not with it" and are fvked. Like your almost too "conservative" and or are too "good" meaning you need to be in with the "in" crowd or you might as well stay single as in single. As if you don't know how to please women and fvk. LMAO. IF some of these women only knew. Yet I'd guess getting pump and dumped or having your FWB means you know about "sex".

 

I get called handsome, asked if I have a girlfriend, asked about myself etc. and God forbid I ask someone out on a date..if you aren't a known player in the place you're almost then immediately considered a creep from the same people who are complimenting you etc. It's bizarre as hell.

Edited September 23, 2013 by sickpuppy

[RiceaRoni]

Correct me if I'm wrong but does it seem more like "dating" these days is more of a hookup culture? Like where you sleep with as many people as you can. Keep in text touch and if you see each other you see each other or the more you do you then become a couple?

 

It seems like more girls these days are apt to give it up quicker as if they don't the next girl will yet they don't really mind even if the guy is possibly doing that with multiple girls as that's almost what's expected these days of "real men"?

 

I was talking to a few people in person and that's what they believe. I also seem to have noticed more girls seem to be experimenting with other girls. So it's not just hooking up with multiple guys but girls as well. How the hell do people expect to take each other serious? Or do they even care or think about the possible consequences of sleeping around/ experimenting etc.? Or do they just love the "excitement" of all the drama to gossip with friends? It seems society is going more and more downhill and dysfunctional.

 

Anyone else notice this? I must be completely out of the loop..lol

 

I think I know more people who just meet and hook up then people who actually couple up and do lots of different things together besides fking.

 

Maybe it's the economy as well. Not much money to do things so let's just meet up and hook up, meet more, girls experiment more with girls and so on.

 

No yeah I've totally noticed this as well..

 

For myself. I'm not so eager to "give it up" as most girls are my age.

 

It's probably the reason why I havent had as many boyfriends.

 

Most guys expect you to get to know them in like 1-2 months and then have sex with them casually...or even just for a night and then you part ways.

 

Nope.

 

Can't do that.

 

Never will.

 

Ive been called prude, conservative, etc...but the thing is, I just see as a much more special type of thing than most do.

I'm constantly asked for my number and approached, but it's just guys wanting a hook-up rather than a relationship type of commitment.

Edited September 23, 2013 by RiceaRoni

[emva07]

 

Here's an interesting question to ponder: Do you think that what we have today is us in our "natural" state? Or do you think that people are just as influenced by our culture as they were 60 years ago (albeit in different ways)? Remember that our culture has changed dramatically over the past few decades.

 

It should be noted that I was not a bystander of the hookup culture. I've fully participated in it. This revelation came about, not only with research, but also through observations of others and experience.

 

I think it's a mixture of both....we are naturally inclined to want sex. How we react to it does depend on society.

 

For the longest time sex has been seen as an evil thing, especially for women. Women weren't supposed to have sex before marriage, weren't supposed to even think of it or enjoy it. Part of the reason they got hitched so early and started popping kids is to scratch that itch.

 

In Victorian times, wives were not to even think of enjoying sex, if they did, they were dirty and unpure. when their husbands did them, they were supposed to lay there and think of England. If their men wanted anything more (oral, anal, etc), it was known that they went to look for it in "dirty women" . Perfect example of this, Gieshas....an elegant way that men took care of their needs because good women (their wives) weren't supposed to do the same thing that Geishas did.

 

We now live in a society where men see that it's ok for your "lady" and your "freak" to be the same woman. Back then they were two (or more) separate women. And because of this, infidelity has become more frowned upon in the past few decades as well. Before it wasn't really considered infideltiy, but moreso the woman that did the things you wouldn't do.

 

Although I must say, yes, some people overdo it due to peer pressure and other reasons. I remember growing up....in MIDDLE SCHOOL girls would make fun of me for still being a virgin. Yes part of me wanted to go do it just to stop being a loser....but another part of me was like, no, it should be special....So yes, I do realize that a large part of it is media, peer pressure, etc...I ended up losing it at 21....not because I was told to, but because I was horny, haha.

 

To be honest I feel the US has been so sexually restrained that now it's acting like a kid in a candy store and overdoing it. That is what you are seeing as the "hookup" culture.

Edited September 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[sickpuppy]

No yeah I've totally noticed this as well..

 

For myself. I'm not so eager to "give it up" as most girls are my age.

 

It's probably the reason why I havent had as many boyfriends.

 

Most guys expect you to get to know them in like 1-2 months and then have sex with them casually...or even just for a night and then you part ways.

 

Nope.

 

Can't do that.

 

Never will.

 

Maybe I'm the idiot. I don't see how adding to screwing a womans head up even more by being her next notch will "help" her in any way besides trying to snag me into some sort of new style "relationship".

 

Even mentioning this in posts here makes myself and anyone else like me seem "nieve" and not wanted. Maybe I am..But I'll keep some sort of integrity and character for myself and maybe one day someone will appreciate it. (Not that I'm settling for anyone. Just not adding to screwing someone's head up even more just so I can "get mine".)

 

I read in another thread a great post about women used to with hold sex to make a man more emotionally attached therefore having more men commit. Nowadays women seem to think by sleeping with men right away it will make them commit as if they don't the guy will leave and find someone else who will. I wonder how well that's been working out for them as a guy gets it quick from one woman once he gets bored or has several other women in contact he'll run to the next regardless. It's like women don't care either! It's all they know these days. lol

 

You know what: "screw marriage" "Screw relationships" let's all "learn" by getting ours and fvking our way and others through life. Sounds like a great plan.

Edited September 23, 2013 by sickpuppy

[KathyM]

Actually, the vast majority of Americans either are married, have been married, or want to get married at some point (95%). Only 5% of Americans do not intend to ever get married. Of those who do get married, the majority (55%) will stay married to the same person for life. Most of those who do get a divorce will remarry at some point.

[emva07]

I read in another thread a great post about women used to with hold sex to make a man more emotionally attached therefore having more men commit. Nowadays women seem to think by sleeping with men right away it will make them commit as if they don't the guy will leave and find someone else who will. I wonder how well that's been working out for them as a guy gets it quick from one woman once he gets bored or has several other women in contact he'll run to the next regardless. It's like women don't care either! It's all they know these days. lol

 

Too many women trying to find the recipe for what makes a man commit....withhold sex, not withholding, etc etc

 

If a man wants to be with you he will be with you whether you make him wait 10 years or if you sleep with him early on. Whether he was your first or have had 50 sex partners.

[Mrlonelyone]

Hook up culture is just what people do between relationships. It means hanging out with single people in groups getting to know each other. Then pairing off..

[Revolver]

Hookup culture only really applies to the vast majority of women and a relatively small percentage of males. I think Most people would be surprised at the number of men who have never had a FWB

[lino]

I agree with a lot said in this topic and I think it applies mostly to generation Y and younger.

 

Hookup culture only really applies to the vast majority of women and a relatively small percentage of males. I think Most people would be surprised at the number of men who have never had a FWB

 

This is quite accurate too.

[phineas]

I've seen it past college...way past college. In jobs I've worked in married etc. people hooking up etc.

 

Heck in my current part time I see and have heard of women hitting on women and fooling around. Married people, the younger people. etc.

 

It's almost as if you have any character, integrity and self-respect you're seen as "not with it" and are fvked. Like your almost too "conservative" and or are too "good" meaning you need to be in with the "in" crowd or you might as well stay single as in single. As if you don't know how to please women and fvk. LMAO. IF some of these women only knew. Yet I'd guess getting pump and dumped or having your FWB means you know about "sex".

 

I get called handsome, asked if I have a girlfriend, asked about myself etc. and God forbid I ask someone out on a date..if you aren't a known player in the place you're almost then immediately considered a creep from the same people who are complimenting you etc. It's bizarre as hell.

 

This.

Women will complain to anyone who hears about guys who just want sex.

But they will still sleep with those guys casually.

 

I've had female co-workers want to hang out alone at either of our places and used the lamest excuses to do it.

 

I've stupidly or maybe not too stupidly turned them down. Same with hanging out with them and drinking.

I REFUSE to just hook up with a co-worker. period.

I will DATE them, but i will not be one of the many drunken hook-ups.

 

So women at work either think i'm gay, "not man enough", or just not interested in them.

 

They will come onto me when out, but, if I don't make a serious effort to try and sleep with them that night (hitting on them, putting my arm around them, ect. is not enough) will flake if I ask them on a date.

Hell, making out with them without trying to sleep with them is just "fun" for most women. It means nothing.

 

It's like my only choice is to bang them then figure it out later & i don't care to do that in the work environment.

 

Too many women trying to find the recipe for what makes a man commit....withhold sex, not withholding, etc etc

 

If a man wants to be with you he will be with you whether you make him wait 10 years or if you sleep with him early on. Whether he was your first or have had 50 sex partners.

 

Now, while I will not hook up with women from work, other women I meet is a different story.

I've learned recently that actually trying to date someone is total fail.

Most of the women I meet want it ASAP it seems.

 

So, If I meet someone & she wants to come home with me and I see myself wanting to get to know her better, I take her home & I bang her.

I bang her good otherwise I won't hear from her again.

 

Totally different from my fat days of dating when I had to jump through hoops just to get a woman to kiss me.