Frazzle Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Is it unreasonable to try to hold on to a long-distance platonic friendship? So here's the story. I have (or had) a pretty good female friend who I've been trying to keep in touch with since she moved back to her country. We were classmates as well as neighbors in the dorms at one point. We've gotten along really well ever since we first met and could talk for hours on end about nothing. I just feel like we're on the wavelength and that's pretty hard to find. We understood each other pretty well. I still remember when I first met her, she posted a happy birthday note and some snacks on my door after finding out it was my birthday even though I didn't tell anyone (she found out on FB). At first, I was not open to making friends but she was the one who reached out to me and invited me to do stuff. I met her friends and we became a good group of friends. However, it was strictly platonic and there was nothing between us. She was in a serious LDR at the time as well. We really helped each other a lot in school as well as out of school. Anyway, we have graduated now and promised to let each other know if we got a job. At the beginning, we still exchanged FB messages because she traveled around the U.S. before going back home. But ever since going back home, it's been really difficult to contact her. I'm not bombarding her with messages or anything. We don't Skype or call because we just don't have that kind of relationship and it would feel weird. I guess we just have certain implicit boundaries. I drop her the occasional message once a month to see how she's doing. She would respond to the initial message but never ask me how I'm doing. And then when I transition to the second question, usually asking her about her job search or how her work is going now that she's found a job, she would not respond. I know she saw the messages too. But she still posts in our Facebook group once in awhile to see how we're doing (me and a mutual friend) and we occasionally comment and like each other's statuses. But that's about the extent of our friendship now and it makes me sad. It makes me feel like our friendship wasn't real and that maybe it was just temporary. I feel like she's trying to distance herself from me. I guess I'm upset because I don't know why or what I did wrong. I know she's single so her boyfriend is not the problem. To be fair, she seems like the type of person who's bad at keeping in touch over long distances. Last summer, we didn't really contact each other throughout the whole summer as well. Am I overreacting? What do you guys suggest I do? Should I just step back and not contact her for awhile (or ever)? If the friendship dies, so be it?
CC12 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I'm not sure I'd say you are overreacting, but I do think you're holding on too tight to a friendship where it sounds like you two weren't ever that close to begin with. Sometimes friendships just fade. Once you're out of school, you grow up, you have a new life, new friends, new responsibilities, and sometimes it's just difficult to maintain old friendships with schoolmates you probably have little in common with anymore. It's unfortunate, but it's pretty common, I think. I would probably still keep the friend on Facebook and do the occasional commenting and 'liking' on there, but I wouldn't bother messaging her just to chat anymore.
ASG Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Long distance friendships are easy to maintain. I have several. Some I talk to on a daily basis, others only when I'm in town, but it's like we never parted! But it seems your friend either isn't that interested or doesn't want to keep the kind of daily chat contact.
love1336x Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 She sounds like a girl I used to know. We was friends for five years. We was super close until she moved to California. In that year she completely changed. She became an internet model, gotta a boyfriend, and had sex. (she was a virgin, and said she was going to stay like that until marriage) I would text her still, even called. But, texting become less and less. We had each other on facebook. I would message her once a month, she wouldn't get back to me till super late. Maybe within a week, or so. It would seem her life as model, plus going to school was keeping her busy... So I stop trying. I stop all contact to see if she cared enough to message me, or called. Eventually she ended up deleting me on Facebook! I was personally hurt and said, "Uh what happen?" through text, and then she gave me some lame excuse. "Oh facebook must have deleted you because I know I didn't" She re-added me, but nothing change... again she deleted me off facebook, and i simply block her. Sometimes you can only do so much to save a friendship, but at some point you just gotta quit and move on.
Recommended Posts