zevahc Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 (edited) I get that true NC works in time. But I'm curious to those who are in careers or jobs that are impossible to leave due to time or circumstance...who has made it? Who has made it to the other side of the uphill battle where they are either on the way to where they need to be...and see a light, or have made it clear out. To clarify... the LC is only seeing them at work or maybe out with the spouse...but no personal conversation or contact outside of these circumstances that can't be avoided. How much longer do you guess it takes a person to get there vs. true NC? Edited September 23, 2013 by zevahc Added question...
missy268 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 It didn't happen for me and my ex AP Basically the foundations of our affair were laid down when we first worked together. He was transferred to another department and therefore I never saw him at work. He used to come over to my house and we used to talk and that's how it started. January 2012 it all ended....April 2012 he has been transferred back to where i work and by September 2012 we are working together again - which was heartbreaking as he ended our affair in the january. We only had contact at work, he never came over...then December 2012 - the works christmas party! basically it started up again! we slept together after christmas and we carried on until March, he was transfered back to the other department and i saw him twice more and he split up with his ex, and also ditched me for another girl. I was told he has now properly left the company, so no chance of him coming back and ruining my mind so to speak. So I know you only wanted to hear stories that worked, but ours didn't and it took for one of us to leave properly before we went totally NC I guess if you can avoid work social situations you should be okay! How long it takes is upto the individual
Author zevahc Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 It didn't happen for me and my ex AP Basically the foundations of our affair were laid down when we first worked together. He was transferred to another department and therefore I never saw him at work. He used to come over to my house and we used to talk and that's how it started. January 2012 it all ended....April 2012 he has been transferred back to where i work and by September 2012 we are working together again - which was heartbreaking as he ended our affair in the january. We only had contact at work, he never came over...then December 2012 - the works christmas party! basically it started up again! we slept together after christmas and we carried on until March, he was transfered back to the other department and i saw him twice more and he split up with his ex, and also ditched me for another girl. I was told he has now properly left the company, so no chance of him coming back and ruining my mind so to speak. So I know you only wanted to hear stories that worked, but ours didn't and it took for one of us to leave properly before we went totally NC I guess if you can avoid work social situations you should be okay! How long it takes is upto the individual I'm sorry Missy...that sounds rough. It's tough when you're in the same envirornment and can't escape.
Breathless Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Well, my situation is not quite what you describe - we do not work together anymore. I left my position the day after DDay. He is still with the company. xMM and I have been NC since then...a lil over 2 years and counting. However, my new company and his company do business with one another daily. I'm still in contact with all my old coworkers/friends (they do not know of our A) for both personal and professional reasons. We also live about 5 miles from each other and work about 3 miles from each other...this puts us on the exact same commute to and from work. We see each other a few times a month on the road and pretend that we are strangers and do not acknowledge one another. It still shakes me up a bit and sends my head spinning whenever I see him or hear about him. But for the most part - we have done our best to disappear from each others lives. We are perfect strangers now....
Author zevahc Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Well, my situation is not quite what you describe - we do not work together anymore. I left my position the day after DDay. He is still with the company. xMM and I have been NC since then...a lil over 2 years and counting. However, my new company and his company do business with one another daily. I'm still in contact with all my old coworkers/friends (they do not know of our A) for both personal and professional reasons. We also live about 5 miles from each other and work about 3 miles from each other...this puts us on the exact same commute to and from work. We see each other a few times a month on the road and pretend that we are strangers and do not acknowledge one another. It still shakes me up a bit and sends my head spinning whenever I see him or hear about him. But for the most part - we have done our best to disappear from each others lives. We are perfect strangers now.... So your Dday was kept to your spouses and nobody at work knows about the A? It sounds like it worked out for the best for you to be able to move on....i envy that aspsect.
Wambo Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I can't see my situation progressing from LC to 100% NC. As long she stays in her questionable relationships then there is always a temptation to restart the affair or try to keep me around. I just can't see NC being achievable in my current situation. If it was then I would already be in it by now. The only reason why I'm able to achieve LC because she moved to a different department. In return it allowed me disconnect from her and gave me a lot of space to recover in. At first it wasn't easy and it did effect my work performance because I was all over the place. I wasn't emotionally stable and everyone started to notice. Now all I had to worry about at least once in a fortnight to expect to be emotionally struck and have my sexual tension fly through the roof. The problem is she now showing signs of unhappiness and confusion. There are times she wouldn't want to be near me but there are others to see if I still care for her. It's annoying because at the sametime my friendship with another coworker has slowly improving and she is showing signs of interest. The only thing I can do is let her know I'm in post EA and see if she want to continue.
Author zevahc Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 The only thing I can do is let her know I'm in post EA and see if she want to continue. Why would you want to? Is it not miserable? If you're 90% out..why continue....? I know I don't want to go backwards...
Wambo Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 She knows I'm going through a tough time and she had been supportive. I'm just saying if she want to continue down this road then it would be best for me to come clean about my situation. At the moment only two co workers know about the EA and in my workplace gossip goes very far. This way she knows exactly what my troubles are and how it going to effect the protential relationship.
AWilson Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 If y'all figure that out, let me know. I tried NC with my xMW. But since we work together, it is extremely difficult. I ended up calling her 12 hours after attempting NC. This crap is hard! LOL! 2
Recommended Posts