Having problems meeting someone

[clementine.]

I'm 25 and have a 4 year old daughter.

 

My ex and I broke up before my daughter was born (we were together for 3 years) and he has dated a bunch people and had a couple serious relationships since then. He has been with his current gf for a year. But I haven't dated anyone since we broke up. I didn't start trying until recently, because I needed to get over him and hoping we would be together. But still didn't have anyone interested. It's always "Oh, you have a kid... too bad".

 

I made an dating profile and have had it up for 10 days, which I know isn't long but compared to others it is. I've had 3 people message me and they all said something completely stupid like "bite me ;)" or something sexual. I said that I'm not interested in that. I have friends with profiles, without kids, and they have dozens of people messaging them a day. In the last 2 hours I've had 62 visitors and 0 messages. There is like 7 million people in the area so it's not like there is a shortage. I had a dating profile up for 4 months a while ago and the same thing. Didn't meet a single person.

 

I'm not ugly, so that's not it. I'm a masters student, not uneducated. I have time to date someone. My daughter is with her dad Friday-Sunday week 1 and 3 of the month and Tuesday-Wednesday week 2 and 4 of the month. She is in school all day now which gives me time to finish things I need to do.

 

What do I do? I'm getting tired of not being able to find someone because I have a daughter. Other people don't seem to have a problem. I haven't been with someone in over 4 years. Haven't even touched a guy in over 4 years.

[deathandtaxes]

are you proactive on the dating site? Do you message guys?

[clementine.]

are you proactive on the dating site? Do you message guys?

 

I'm on quite a bit and I message guys that I think I'd be interested in but they never message me back. I don't say just "hi". I actually write a little something.

[deathandtaxes]

I'm on quite a bit and I message guys that I think I'd be interested in but they never message me back. I don't say just "hi". I actually write a little something.

 

Welcome to the wonderful twisted world of OLD. It's either your pictures or there's just something in the profile that is turning guys away.

 

Don't fret too much. I get a lot of traffic but almost no messages. Almost all my message are replies to e-mails I send out. And I have to send out a lot to get any kind of response. It sucks. But that's OLD.

[Copelandsanity]

The both of you are quite adorable

 

It's 100% because you have a kid. My suggestion would be to look at OLD as a supplement, and try meeting guys IRL. Is there a way to make an interest or hobby of yours into a social one? For instance, if you're into running, biking, a sport, or hiking, there are groups out there dedicated to it that will have decent single guys there.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Having a kid at the age of 25 for a lot of men these days is like having a kid in your teens in the old days...it's baggage, baggage men don't have to deal with anymore...because with people taking more time being single there's a lot of options, all the while growing up, working on their careers, going out and living their own lives child free, no strings attached.

 

For a lot of men it might just seem like another glaring indicator that this is a woman that's settled down and is going to expect the same, and they might not feel ready for that...as many men these days seem to be taking advantage of their freedom due to women being able to take care of themselves on their own now.

 

For men, it's not the same negative stigma, a lot of women are going to accept it...hell a lot of women accept a lot of crap just to be with a guy and not be alone...for men women however, it's a bit more difficult...especially as a lot of guys are just going to be wary and feel uncomfortable with the idea of having to eventually negotiate their emotions in dealing with a little girl.

 

You're in a difficult position...but not an impossible one, look at it this way, you're going to avoid a lot of guys just looking to make you their part time love affair which is the last thing you want right now...because after not dating for that long a period of time and being on your own, it might be a shock to have a new man in your life to any extent, especially one that you are interested in...so it would pay to hopefully find a guy with a bit more maturity and character than the hit and quit its of today that are mostly floating around especially online...they just don't all come off that way of course.

 

At any rate, I realize that you might not even be looking to jump into something serious, that's how most people think getting back into the dating world anyway...it just doesn't usually work out that way all of the time...but be wary and condition yourself to there being a lot of BS out there and try not to take everything a man says to heart...especially in the honeymoon phase....because you will find someone that does want to date you, you're not ugly if that is your picture up there and you look like a sweet girl, but you're also the perfect prey out there for a lot of men....a lot of guys out there think a girl with a child is an easy target, because your options are limited...I'm not telling you to expect anything negative, but your judge of character skills will be put up to the challenge quite possibly soon.

 

You do have a lot message rate, most women OLD get a flood of messages even if they look like a wilder beast...but that's not the case for you, it's just something that's going to deter a lot of men who are just playing the field or looking for a side thing, a girl with a child is not optimal for that and ups the stakes...just keep trying, and message a guy you think is nice and has some good qualities, check for good character and reliability and remember to just take things slowly as they come...don't dive into anything too soon, emotionally you're not conditioned yet for the ups and downs of the dating world today if you experience the parts many women do...that also are good catches otherwise.

 

But don't worry, they'll come around to you...just represent who you really are and just let things simmer for a while...i would also recommend however trying to meet a man in real life through some other avenue, I wouldn't just wait for messages in your inbox...like I said, a lot of guys are only interested in one thing anyway, it's no loss.

 

If you need any help/advice with your profile I used to do OKC quite a bit and used to help quite a few people out with that...I can see if there's anything there that might be contributing to your "success" in responses.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Having a kid at the age of 25 for a lot of men these days is like having a kid in your teens in the old days...it's baggage, baggage men don't have to deal with anymore...because with people taking more time being single there's a lot of options, all the while growing up, working on their careers, going out and living their own lives child free, no strings attached.

 

For a lot of men it might just seem like another glaring indicator that this is a woman that's settled down and is going to expect the same, and they might not feel ready for that...as many men these days seem to be taking advantage of their freedom due to women being able to take care of themselves on their own now.

 

For men, it's not the same negative stigma, a lot of women are going to accept it...hell a lot of women accept a lot of crap just to be with a guy and not be alone...for men women however, it's a bit more difficult...especially as a lot of guys are just going to be wary and feel uncomfortable with the idea of having to eventually negotiate their emotions in dealing with a little girl.

 

You're in a difficult position...but not an impossible one, look at it this way, you're going to avoid a lot of guys just looking to make you their part time love affair which is the last thing you want right now...because after not dating for that long a period of time and being on your own, it might be a shock to have a new man in your life to any extent, especially one that you are interested in...so it would pay to hopefully find a guy with a bit more maturity and character than the hit and quit its of today that are mostly floating around especially online...they just don't all come off that way of course.

 

At any rate, I realize that you might not even be looking to jump into something serious, that's how most people think getting back into the dating world anyway...it just doesn't usually work out that way all of the time...but be wary and condition yourself to there being a lot of BS out there and try not to take everything a man says to heart...especially in the honeymoon phase....because you will find someone that does want to date you, you're not ugly if that is your picture up there and you look like a sweet girl, but you're also the perfect prey out there for a lot of men....a lot of guys out there think a girl with a child is an easy target, because your options are limited...I'm not telling you to expect anything negative, but your judge of character skills will be put up to the challenge quite possibly soon.

 

You do have a lot message rate, most women OLD get a flood of messages even if they look like a wilder beast...but that's not the case for you, it's just something that's going to deter a lot of men who are just playing the field or looking for a side thing, a girl with a child is not optimal for that and ups the stakes...just keep trying, and message a guy you think is nice and has some good qualities, check for good character and reliability and remember to just take things slowly as they come...don't dive into anything too soon, emotionally you're not conditioned yet for the ups and downs of the dating world today if you experience the parts many women do...that also are good catches otherwise.

 

But don't worry, they'll come around to you...just represent who you really are and just let things simmer for a while...i would also recommend however trying to meet a man in real life through some other avenue, I wouldn't just wait for messages in your inbox...like I said, a lot of guys are only interested in one thing anyway, it's no loss.

 

If you need any help/advice with your profile I used to do OKC quite a bit and used to help quite a few people out with that...I can see if there's anything there that might be contributing to your "success" in responses.

 

The bolded may be the case for some, but not for anybody that I know.

 

I'm 26 and relationship-minded (I'm currently in a committed relationship). When I was single, I had rules for not dating single mothers for the sole fact that I didn't want to raise somebody else's child. I do realize that single mothers don't necessarily want that, but, if I marry the girl, that's ultimately what will happen (especially if the father isn't in the child's life).

 

That's generally the sentiment of other relationship-minded men my age that are opposed to dating single mothers.

[crederer]

10 days? I've been on 6 months and never had a woman contact me and I'm relatively attractive.

 

I have had a bunch of dates from girls I messaged but they're all duds.

 

OLD is basically a last ditch effort for people that are socially inept, imo.

 

I have significantly more success socializing in person.

[white]

I suspect that the women - here and elsewhere - who get flooded with messages on OLD, as they so famously do, are experiencing a bias whereby they are childless. My guess is if you spoke to single mothers in their twenties who tried OLD they would have the same experience as you. Only once they are in their thirties will they start to find men, probably with children themselves, who will contact them and I still expect at a vastly reduced rate. It's interesting because I hadn't thought about that but I bet it is the case. It pulls the curtain back on the personalities that inhabit OLD - male and female.

 

My last significant relationship also ended 4 years ago, with a single mum, and I've had no romance since either. I was 23, she 24 and the girl 4 when I met her and I can't say I wasn't concerned about it to begin with but actually I found it quite fulfilling and positive. But she was a good mum, with a spectacularly good daughter. The point is there are guys like me out there but we aren't on OLD. And quite frankly, if I was to use OLD, I would by choice contact those without children because why not, I can. And OLD is all about choice - that is why it's a twisted environment. I could ignore your profile on OLD just for having a child, but if we met in real life, it wouldn't matter a damn to me if I thought you were charming.