thishatteredsymphony Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 (edited) This sort of post is directed to anyone, but I think it's more suited for anyone who's been cheated on. Reading countless posts here about our struggles with keeping to NC makes me think. It's so easy, sometimes, to believe you're the exception to the rule when it comes to you and your former SO. I've been battling all day today writing text messages only to delete them last second, and I've done this no less than 15 times today. It finally got to a point I shut my phone off and chucked it inside my drawer while I left the house for a few hours. And you'd think that would help me, right? Nope. My phone is still sitting in my drawer and I'm fighting the strong urge even now to turn it on and text her. When I say it's easy to think you're the exception, I mean that despite all the advice that's been given here and the advice I've given to others in turn, there are days like today where I think "Screw it, I'm going to tell this person exactly how I feel. Make them see the pain they've caused me." All rational thought goes out the window in that split moment, and the instant you hit "Send", you might feel instant gratification. But that gratification is short lived because the longer they go without responding, the crazier you become. You obsess over them, which is what they want. And if they don't want it, then all it does is push them further away. And then there are people like me, who are currently going through the anger phases and think about saying something nasty. I know of ways I could sincerely hurt my ex. Ignoring her doesn't give me the vengeance I'm finding myself craving. I know just the right words I could say in a text that could hurt her. They don't include any curse words or all caps rants, it would take just five simple words. Because despite the fact my ex turned out to be a liar and a cheater, her heart has been broken before too. She opened herself up to me and revealed many insecurities that, if I wanted to, I could exploit and use to break her spirit. I could do this all in just one short text message. ............. But then, when I reflect on just what I could do, I realize that I can't. I can't because the person who would do that is not me. The exhilaration I would feel in tormenting her and bringing her down as she brought me down would be a truly great feeling, but only for a short time. It's not even to say she's an evil person for her actions, deplorable as they are. But this is where we learn pick ourselves up and show, not our exes, but OURSELVES that we are better than them. I know this doesn't necessarily apply to those who have mutual break ups. I consider this more for those who, like me, were cheated on, left for someone else, used, or anything like that. No one is perfect, and each of us is bound to make horrible choices down the road. But I know the person I am. I know the kind of man I have always been and will continue to be. I broke NC once, and it's been 50 days since but each day continues to be a struggle. Still, I'm so, soooooo happy with myself that I haven't succumbed again. And I will make sure I don't. I won't hurt her the way she hurt me. No matter how strong my desire to do so might be, I won't allow it. Because, in the end, she is not worth it. Edited September 23, 2013 by thishatteredsymphony 4
love1336x Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Because, in the end, she is not worth it. Amen! AMEN!!!!
JoelBarish Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Such an awesome post! Everyone here who is tempted to break NC should read this. I must admit that these days I am more tempted to snoop her FB then to break NC. However, like you, I have hidden my phone away at times. And when I do that I am REALLY anticipating turning back on after it's been off awhile to see if she texted. I feel the rejection all over again when I turn the phone back on and no texts have come. So now I just leave the phone across the room so if a text comes I will hear it and I don't have to keep wondering if she texted or not. But that's just me. Anywho, congrats on making it to 50
Author thishatteredsymphony Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Such an awesome post! Everyone here who is tempted to break NC should read this. I must admit that these days I am more tempted to snoop her FB then to break NC. However, like you, I have hidden my phone away at times. And when I do that I am REALLY anticipating turning back on after it's been off awhile to see if she texted. I feel the rejection all over again when I turn the phone back on and no texts have come. So now I just leave the phone across the room so if a text comes I will hear it and I don't have to keep wondering if she texted or not. But that's just me. Anywho, congrats on making it to 50 Thank you. If I hadn't broken it it would have been closer to 3 months. The first time I broke it I succumbed and convinced myself it was for closure. But now I know better.
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