Bad breakup, need to get her or move on.

[Theaveragedrummer]

First post here, never thought I would have to resort to advice of strangers but at this point ill take anything. Sorry for how long this is, but I wanted to give all the details to get the best advice.

 

I had the best girlfriend any guy could've wanted. We started contact in our freshman year of high school because a friend said we would be perfect. She actually messaged me and from there it was history. We both had our issues which are private, but that first year talking was a battle we made it through. Sophomore year she cut ties with me and I started talking to a girl, which made her miss me and we ended up officially dating then within weeks of her cutting off ties after a fight. Fast forward to junior year and we dated the whole way. We were in love, each others first loves, first time and everything.

 

I never thought I would feel that way about a person. Well after our first time (both virgins) summer going into junior year, I felt odd. I just didnt feel anything towards her at all. I wanted to be honest so I told her and she got so upset and thought I was calling her ugly and was absolutely destroyed. To this day it's still an issue, but ill get to that later. Randomly about a week later I suddenly snap back to reality and am back insanely in love. We had a falling out right before Christmas because I snapped at her about an eBay auction I lost for a present for myself... How unbelievably selfish could I have been? I lose sleep at night because I know how different it would've been if I wasn't a psycho.

 

I have a temper and after exercising I tended to get irritable and we would fight. We patch things up Christmas Eve and all is well, now fast forward to a week before summer going into senior year starts, we get into a little argument. She made a joke about how I never come over (her dad was intimidating and I just felt like he didnt like me dating his daughter, was probably wrong I don't know) and I said "well if your parents didnt hate me" and those were the words that ended everything. We didnt talk but the rest of the night but we still hugged and kissed goodnight. Next morning no reply, and a few days later my "hey" get a response along the lines of "just stop. It's over." I immediately cried, and I mean I have gone to wakes for family friends and close people and not she's a tear, and I just bawled my eyes out.

 

Of course I make the idiotic mistake of begging her to stay. That just made her angrier and not want anything to do with me. I couldn't get a straight answer to the breakup, however I know it was my temper and my bad attitude that screwed me over. I made it a week of no contact before I gave in and texted her. She said wait two weeks and was slightly upset with me. Well a week later she went to a baseball game ( we went together a few times ) and she texted me saying we can be friends and the game made her miss me. Of course a few days later I ask her to talk about us and she ignored me again. And said I think she's ugly and I'm not attracted to her, an issue we had the previous summer, so a major issue of our breakup was she thinks I call her ugly and make fun of how she looks.

 

In reality, she's probably the most gorgeous girl to ever live, certainly the prettiest gal I've ever laid eyes on. Perfect face, eyes, hair, the straightest and whitest smile ever. Ugh just the thought of her makes me get butterflies. On and off she would text me again saying we need to be friends, then I'm ignored days later. She texted me "I miss you" and we had a couple moment where we said what we missed, but I got ignored about three days later after I mailed a letter to her house ( we used to mail letters and pretend we were in the 50's or something ) and I got a bad feeling. Three days of no reply to my texts and I knew it. She finally said I messed with her head while we dated and ruined her and made her rude and her parents aren't allowing us to talk anymore. I lost it.

 

I threw my phone and run upstairs and trashed my room until my dad ran in and held me down while I just cried. He said this should be closure and he wants to block her number so nothing like this will happen again, but I don't know if I can do that. I have this hope that maybe she will try to text me and I won't know. I made it three weeks and three days no contact until I sent a long text about how I just miss her company and I wanna be friends. No answer. I look at her social media thing for the first time in weeks and see she put a " :'( " face as her status. I doubt it's about me. Before I texted her friend who simply says "she has a crush on someone so just let go" and I was so upset. Three years together and 3 weeks after we stop contact she already likes someone? We would daydream together in the car about how we wanted to get married and live downtown and go to the same college so we would last ( dumb I know :| ) it's like a pit in my stomach every time I think of it. I'm sure it's someone from her work.

 

Her dad would always encourage her to stay out past 12 and later to hang with work people to get food, but when we were together it was 11 and no later. I'm sure that didnt help matters. And now we are here. 4 weeks no contact on her end and I still cry at night and get quiet during the day. My parents have constantly made me promise I won't hurt myself ( my dad tried when he was my age and he knows the signs ) and honestly.. I thought about it. My birthday is in November and I've thought of enlistment, but never was too serious until my life crumbled like this. I get good grades so everyone says it would be a waste but I need to escape.

 

I lost all my friends because I hung with her every single day for almost 2 years straight. I still have hope maybe she will come around and at least want to text me, and we could be friends and I could make her love me again, but how can I when she likes someone and she isn't allowed to. I get so scared when I think of the permanent breakup and how she will enjoy what we did with someone else, the cuddling and movies, dinners in Fridays, eventually sex which scares me most because we did that first together and I never want another guy to touch her.

 

It's just a messed up situation and I can't talk to friends or parents because I don't wanna annoy and my dad will be mad that I think of her. I pray daily she will come back. I started attending church every Sunday for the first time in over 3 years because I don't know where else to turn. I just want her in my life so bad I'd do anything. Please someone give advice on what to do. I know I need to move on but I'm having such a hard time letting go. I've had other relationships but I never once felt close to this. I'm scared ill never love like her again. I would've married her if we were older. Help.

 

Forgot to add we hung once in summer with her friend. She was acting funny and got mad when she saw an ex in my phone. But when her friend made fun of me she immediately told her to stop. So I'm guessing she cared then but I don't know now.

Edited September 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added paragraphs, please use them to help your post be readable

[Philosoraptor]

Sounds like you are lonely and regretful more than anything, and too young to know how to cope with a long term breakup.

 

Right now you should rekindle those old friendships that you have lost and work on finding happiness in your own life. You can't run away from your pain, you need to man up and face it, accept it, move on, and find happiness within yourself and your own life. There is no magic fix, just a long road that when walked correctly, leads to future contentment and happiness.

[EdG]

Mate, this is a tough one. I feel for you. I'm also going through a break up and I know that at times like this it's difficult to envisage future happiness through the current pain and sadness you're feeling. It's going to be tough, but we'll get there! Put your trust in your faith, appreciate that everything happens for a reason. You're recognising your mistakes which is the key to future success, either with this girl, or someone else.

I've been in a hole for the last two weeks. Not sleeping, not eating, not focusing at work, started smoking again, but I am slowly starting to put myself back together and see some light at the end of the tunnel. We will get there.

You might just need time apart. You've gone through periods of not talking before... Don't chase her, it will only make her run the other way. Instead be cool, calm and collected. She'll start to wonder if you've changed. She'll perhaps even get back in contact. And if you focus on changing for the better and improving yourself then you'll be in the best position you can possibly be when (if) she does reconnect. For the time being stay no contact. Fight those feelings when you just want to speak, text, see her. It's difficult to accept that the relationship may be over. But remember, as sad as it may sound right now, the only thing that remains constant in life is change. The key to happiness is to embrace change. Sometimes happy beginnings are disguised as painful endings.

 

Peace

 

Bless boss. I hope things work out for you.

[Theaveragedrummer]

Mate, this is a tough one. I feel for you. I'm also going through a break up and I know that at times like this it's difficult to envisage future happiness through the current pain and sadness you're feeling. It's going to be tough, but we'll get there! Put your trust in your faith, appreciate that everything happens for a reason. You're recognising your mistakes which is the key to future success, either with this girl, or someone else.

I've been in a hole for the last two weeks. Not sleeping, not eating, not focusing at work, started smoking again, but I am slowly starting to put myself back together and see some light at the end of the tunnel. We will get there.

You might just need time apart. You've gone through periods of not talking before... Don't chase her, it will only make her run the other way. Instead be cool, calm and collected. She'll start to wonder if you've changed. She'll perhaps even get back in contact. And if you focus on changing for the better and improving yourself then you'll be in the best position you can possibly be when (if) she does reconnect. For the time being stay no contact. Fight those feelings when you just want to speak, text, see her. It's difficult to accept that the relationship may be over. But remember, as sad as it may sound right now, the only thing that remains constant in life is change. The key to happiness is to embrace change. Sometimes happy beginnings are disguised as painful endings.

 

Peace

 

Bless boss. I hope things work out for you.

 

Thanks man. It is hard, and I am young (18) so I know life is long but it just sucks bad now. I'm hoping she might miss me eventually. I don't know.