TheMoonBug Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Hey everyone, I don't know why I am posting on this thread to be completely honest. Maybe someone can give me a few points. So, I have recently broken up with my user of a boyfriend, and because of him, I ended up losing all my good friends(to which I've waited my whole life to meet such amazing friends). I have recently moved to a new city for school about a month after the break up and all I can say is that my self esteem is in the bucket. I'm way too nice of a person, and I've been used quite a few times in my life, and I thought I've gotten over all of those past events. My ex took and took and took from me, and hardly ever gave back. Now I am completely alone in my apartment, and I don't see a point in making friends again. I don't even remember how to start up a conversation, and I still feel so worthless after being with my ex, that I figure people wouldn't want to know me anyway. What is wrong with me? Should I just give up on being social? Thank you for taking the time to read this.
GGZ Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 (edited) Hello there, Sometimes words cannot describe how one feels inside; the hurt and pain seem too much to handle for anyone, however strong or experienced they are, to fasten their healing process. What I am going to say is nothing new, but I hope that by reading this, you get some insights about how people relate and interact. Being nice can be painful; I know where you are coming from. I have always thought that being nice will naturally earn the respect of people. In my case, girls just take me for granted and I strive to let them know that I care by telling them I will always be there to help them. And you know the result: we get hurt because we think that by giving a lot (in such a short time or not) people can learn to appreciate who we are, what we want and expect...But I am sorry to tell you that it is not always the case... My point is do not let anyone say or do anything to put you down. I know this is easier said than done, myself I am still struggling to get over a friend I love, but lessons learned the wheel keeps turning. Raise your head high; it is not because someone hurt you in a particular way that you are no longer the unique person you have been. Let me put this way: you drop a $20 in the mud, is it still worth $20? Of course, you would say! Fine, then if I cut its corners, is it still $20? Well, yes again. See my point here? Life can put you down; I know it hurts, not everyone will all like, understand and stay with you (for many reasons), but no matter what happens, your value as a person is still there. Do not let others judge or label you in any ways; they do not understand you and even less appreciate the greatness of your person. I believe even the mentally ill have their own stories and deserve to be respected and listened to. I particularly like this quote, and I am going to leave you on this note: Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow her. Even when it hurts, you will realize how happy and proud you have been when you truly follow where it wants you to be. As for the results and consequences, do not ever let that ruin your life. Life is too short to live with regrets. Hang in there, go out, go see new people, smile in life and eventually someone will appreciate who you are without you even trying to please him. Edited September 23, 2013 by GGZ
writergal Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 (edited) Breakups are awful, let's face it. They stink! Sorry you had to go through that right before your big move to a new city for your fall semester of school. I know it probably feels like your social life has come to an end because you're in a new city alone with no friends or family to be your support system. Heck you just went through a breakup and then you moved; give yourself time to process all of that stress before you decide that you are unworthy of new friendships or new romantic relationships. What you can do to help yourself heal, is to distract yourself with constructive activities - some of which may be boring but will definitely still be helpful. For one, go to your college/university's student center and find out about all the clubs on campus and sign up to attend an orientation of any that interest you. If you like music or theater or film, see if your school has student nights for movies, concerts, comedians, etc. on campus that you can go to. Since you live in an apartment you are considered a commuter but that's okay. There should be a commuter center at your school, where you can connect with other students who commute, to carpool or just hang out. My university had a commuter center, and I met a lot of my friends by hanging out in that public space studying. Check out your school's gym facilities and pool. Maybe go for a walk around the track, take a swim, or walk on the treadmill. Do you like sports? Try out for one of the intermurral teams that your school offers. Pretty much every college and university has those casual sports teams for students who just want to play sports for fun. You can find that information out if you go to your school's athletic department. Get a schedule of the intermurral teams and sign up if any of those sound fun. Also, sign up for a fun elective class for your J-term if you can afford to. Do you use financial aid? Also, you could apply for work-study jobs on campus; that's a great way to meet other students and make new friends too. Or find a part-time job around your school's campus. What's your major? Look for internship opportunities or independent studies you can do. Maybe study abroad opportunities for a semester? I think the more connected you are to your campus activities, the higher the chance you have of meeting other students who could be potential friends or boyfriends. Don't just hide out in your apartment (which is tempting, I know, especially right now). That won't help you get out of your temporary funk. Those friends you lost with your breakup, weren't really your friends if they chose sides and dumped you. Forget about them. You're in a new city with so much opportunity ahead of you to start over and have a lot of fun, make new friends and date too! My final suggestion is to check out the counseling and career service center on your campus. Go see a counselor for a while to help you process your breakup and big move, since counseling is free to students. Oh, and there's always Meetups you can attend too. Just go to the Meetup website and type in your city or zip code and all the Meetups that exist will pop up for you to choose from and join. I hope those suggestions help. Hang in there kid. You'll be alright! Edited September 23, 2013 by writergal
New Moon Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Hi! Try not to dwell so much on that circle of friends. You may keep in touch with some, and in a little while after the breakup starts to fade from their memories a bit, the ones who really liked you will be there for you. The shared-friends issue is always sensitive in the first while. Just let them know (at least the ones you were closest with) with your behaviour that you wouldn't want the breakup to interfere with your friendships. Act as an independent, "new" friend. You can keep in touch with them on social media or casually text that you'd like to meet for a coffee/a drink sometime. Let it come naturally. They may feel awkward regardless. Don't take it personally, and cultivate friendships with others in your life. Learn to be comfortable being alone, and be positive mentally so new people will want to approach you. Of course, keep in mind that remaining with those friends will bring you back in contact, either indirectly or directly, with your ex. That's not a bad thing, but it will be hard to bear with at first. Make new friends in your own life, and keep in loose contact with the friends you really liked. Give them space to come to you.
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