justlooking463 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Ok, so I'll try to make this as readable and short as i can. My ex and i split up over a month ago. I have and NC with her the majority of the time. About 3 weeks. So she comes to get some of her stuff the other night. After she gets what she can fit in her car, she kind of lingers and hangs out, lays on my bed so i sit next to her and we talk, anyway we talked about alot and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. She stayed with me for about 5 hrs so we did alot if talking. She was saying things like how much she misses me and wants to come back home, and that coming back to our house made her realize how much she wants to be home and be with me. She said she loved me alot still and that she had never been so happy with anyone as she was when we were together. Now she's with someone else now. i didnt know they were officially together at the time she came to my house and every thing happened. She practically begged me to do it. So i did. Anyway i thought she was just seeing thus guy. I did not know they were a couple. While we were talking i aksed her some things about her and him and she gave me all negative things about him, like she couldn't see a future with him and that she really wanted to come back to me. she even asked me if i would still marry her. So i tried to kind of take every thing she said with a grain of salt and tried not to get to caught up in it to protect my own feelings. After she left i didn't hear from her for the rest of the night. The next morning she called me and we talked for a little while and i asked her if she really meant every thing sge said and she said yes absolutely. But since then i haven't really talked to her much at all. Is she just playing with me to see if she still has me, or is she for real about what she says? Im confused as hell. I want her back so bad, but i don't want to get hurt all over again if she's not for real about what shes telling me.
GTNBTTR Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I think it could be that her dating this new guy has made her miss some of the qualities you offer. Her and the guy she is dating could also be having problems so she decided to bounce back to you. Women want what they cannot have therefore her questions like will you marry me etc. was just a way to feed her ego. She wants to know that she still has you as a back up plan. My advice is not to contact her, seem uninterested and short if you do speak to her, and make her show her true colors. There is no reason this other guy should even be in the picture if she is asking you things like "will you still marry me?". You need to set boundaries for yourself with her. Ask yourself what is the very minimum you would accept to get back together with her. You definitely don't want a repeat of what happened last time, and you definitely don't want some other dude in the picture.
Author justlooking463 Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 I totally agree with you, that she shouldn't have this other guy around if she's telling me these things I've talked to her 3 times since we had our night and she had said i love you to me every time before we get off the phone. Idk what to do. I really love this girl and want her back and she seems like she really wants to come home now, but she said its def. Not serious with her new bf. She has already cheated in him with me. So right there u feel like if she really cared for him and thought it was going to work. She wouldn't have done that. When i said something about her doing thate said its not even like that. Th en she said that she made love to me who she was head over heals in love with. Do i really don't think they are serious. I think I'm going to take your advice andgo back to NC. I know woman want what they can't have, so I'm going to try like hell to make myself unavailable to her until she proves she really wants to come back. Thanks for your help.
crederer Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Well if you really want her back you gotta go for it, but you have to play your cards right. You now have the power. So don't jump at every opportunity she offers. Let her know that it's a possibility IF she does things right. Make it seem that you're not dying to get back with her (even if you are). let her know there are other options out there for you and SHE needs to prove herself to YOU
Author justlooking463 Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Yeah that's what I'm going to do. Let her PROVE to me! If she really wants me back then she will do whatever she has to, to make it happen, right now she hasn't really done anything to show me that. I'm not going to chase her when its obvious she isn't about it right now. She hasn't really tried to get ahol of me or anything so it really makes me question if what she said was really true. Going back to NC. I think she was just trying to see if she stop had me as a back up plan. I'm not doing that anymore. I'm either your first option or none at all. Thank you all for the kind words and help any other help would be greatly appreciated. Its nice to get stuff out
Author justlooking463 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Ok so i still don't know what to do, i really think she is sending me mixed signals about how she feels and won't just be honest with me and tell the truth. Ever since that night we had together, she has not contacted me, except for the next morning. Called me twice for about 15 minutes each time. Now other than that i haf been the one initiating contact. last i talked tk her i asked her to please be honest and tell me if she still really meant everything she said. She saif something about yes she did mean it and she was being honest that she just needed to do it right and take her time so she knows shes ready, we didn't have a bad breakup. There was no fighting or arguing when she left, more like a loving goodbye and that was it. I really think she loved me and i want to believe its hard for her, by what she says. She told me all of that, then said she still wants to talk to me and SEE me. I asked her when i could see her agin and she said next friday, bc she has a kid and she will have her this fridayy and didn't want to confuse her. Which i totally understand. Then said she was looking thru our pics from our vacation and told me how good they were. I want her back so bad. I just don't want to hurt in the end if it doesn't work. What should i do, keep making contact with her and talk to her or just leave her alone until she figures out what she wants to do? Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
Romaks Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 This is kind of a nice situation for you since you obviously want her and love her a lot, but it's also an opportunity you have to be a man and regain control of your relationship. You're not going to teach her much with just allowing yourself to get back with her because it'll become a recurring pattern where she'll find a reason to leave, and then come back once she realizes the new guy she's with isn't exactly compatible. It sounds like she doesn't really know what she wants, but also she's already made the decision to spend her life with you, so perhaps she doesn't want to get completely tied down with 100% commitment just yet.
aliveagain Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 How do you go from breaking up with someone your going to marry right into a serious relationship with someone new all in 3-4 weeks? She hasn't even finished moving her stuff out and she's already cheating on him with you? Was she already cheating on you with him, must have because she hasn't even had time to morn your relationship and their already a couple? Could it be she was looking to trade up while she was with you, thought he had potential, dumped you and test drove him and than discovered he wasn't who represented himself to be? How do you know your not her fallback position until the next Mr. Right comes along? Is this really what you want? 2
Romaks Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 How do you go from breaking up with someone your going to marry right into a serious relationship with someone new all in 3-4 weeks? She hasn't even finished moving her stuff out and she's already cheating on him with you? Was she already cheating on you with him, must have because she hasn't even had time to morn your relationship and their already a couple? Could it be she was looking to trade up while she was with you, thought he had potential, dumped you and test drove him and than discovered he wasn't who represented himself to be? How do you know your not her fallback position until the next Mr. Right comes along? Is this really what you want? That seems to be almost always the case. It kind of depends on how you look at it... A friend of mine put it like this: It's not that you're plan B, but it just goes to show you that you're better then all the rest if she keeps wanting to come back to you, so you're plan A.
aliveagain Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 That seems to be almost always the case. It kind of depends on how you look at it... A friend of mine put it like this: It's not that you're plan B, but it just goes to show you that you're better then all the rest if she keeps wanting to come back to you, so you're plan A. Good point, just add the word "current" somewhere in the sentence. I think I feel a future Deja Vu.
Author justlooking463 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 I def think she did leave me to try things with this new guy, bc he doea have a better jov and makes more money, she is alittle materialistic, i just think shes realizing now that hes not me and doesn't giver her the attention i did or have. The grass isn't always greener i guess. I really thought that from the beginning when she left that this guy was who she left for, now i just hope she has realized its not what she really wants. I have a job i make decent money, enough anyway, not super succesful but i always made sure bills were paid and she had everything she wanted, even surprised her with gifts for no reason. I think this other guy is way to busy for her and she doesn't like that. Her and i were always together and she really liked that.
JDPT Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 You have gone from being THE guy to becoming the other guy and its imperative for you to understand that. It's irrelevant whether she is serious about this person or not, truth is that she is subconsciously moving on by seeking new opportunities. Have a little more respect for yourself and know that you are worth more than that. Once you understand this fundamental concept you will see that you are simply being "played" with for lack of better words. 1
GorillaTheater Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 you are simply being "played" with for lack of better words. Other words which come to mind are "Plan B" and "Fallback Guy". Is being her Plan B good enough for you, justlooking?
Author justlooking463 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 I don't want to be the fallback guy, or plan b. Im going Nc from her on out. I need to move on bc thats obviously what shes doing. Thanks 1
seekingpeaceinlove Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 If she really wants to be with you SHE WOULD BE WITH YOU. The truth is in her actions. Why would you want to be with someone who isn't 100% SURE that they want you. Initiate 100% NO CONTACT and move on. She's playing you and him. Get out of this triangle if you don't want more heartache. Save yourself from this mess.
Author justlooking463 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Thanks guys, thats what i am doing 100% no contact. She has made no attempt, i feel played already. Guess i just needed to hear it. What if she does contact me? What should i do? Ignore her like she doesnt exist or can i respond to see if she's ready?
seekingpeaceinlove Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Unless you get the following from her...DO NOT reply. Anything less is just game playing. - Stating that she made a mistake and wants to be with YOU - Acknowledging and apologizing for hurting you - How she's changed and how she's planning on making the relationship work - Committing to doing everything and anything she can to make you trust her again. - How she understands that it will take time to regain your trust
seekingpeaceinlove Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 Pretend like she doesn't exist and move on with your life. More often than not with continued NC and accepting that the relationship is over, you'll get to a point where you realize that you don't even want her anymore.
Author justlooking463 Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 I'm going to try like hell!!! I dint think she'll be contacting me anytime soon anyway. I think she would have already if she really wanted to talk or whatever, we have talked about 3 times since she left last Friday and every time its been initiated by me and it makes nee look life am idiot and desperate for her to come back. NC is so good damn hard!!! It was easy there for a while bc i heard some things from mutual friends that she was saying about me and making me out to be a stalker and that i wouldn't leave her alone, that really bothered me bc it wasn't even like that at all. I did beg and plead for a few days but i totally cut off contact with her after i realized it didn't work. So i think the anger i was feeling Made it alot easier until she came to get her stuff and we had that nice night. Now I'm right back to where i was and all i want to do is talk to get. I know i have to be strong. Its just so hard!! she made everything so convincing, even after italked to her when she left, she still told me she loved me every time before hanging up with me, but had made no attempt to reach out to me. It just sucks.
Mariposa10 Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 My selfish prick ex is doing almost the same thing your ex is doing. He's not in a serious relationship though. But still he's having sex with someone else. First of all, it's really bad that you had sex with her, after all she's is in a relationship. I feel sorry for the other guy, he doesn't even know what he's getting himself into. Second of all, this girl sounds so immature and selfish, HOW CAN SHE BE IN A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP SOOOOOO SOOOOON? Third of all, so let's say she is done with this guy, are you sure she'll be madly in love with you again, I mean she's in serious relationship RIGHT NOW? She must be super confused or just using you. My advice: go NC. Yesterday I decided to go NC with my ex of many years. They are just using us. Even if they say "they love us" it's not enough. It's just too much blah blah. Let her do her thing, and you should do your thing too, I'm not saying you should start dating you might end up all confused like your ex. But right now THINK ABOUT WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU! Do you want to be with such an immature, selfish person? Even if she wanted to get back together with you, that's not enough, she needs to be on her own first to really know how she feels. Good luck!!
aliveagain Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Treat her like an ex who left you for someone else. You dogged a bullet, she's his problem now. Focus on you, get a date and soon you'll find your not thinking about her anymore. 1
Author justlooking463 Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 It really sucks that they do this ****! She has told me numerous times that her And thus other guy she's seeing aren't serious, that age doesn't see a future with him. That she wants to be with me and she just needs to do it right and make sure thus doesn't happen again with us. If that were the case idk why she would still be with thus guy. I think she's just telling me What I want to hear, but her actions speak otherwise, when we talk (initiated by me every time) age makes me feel like she wants ur so bad to work with us, but as soon as we hang up. I don't hear anything from her, it kind of pisses me off! If she really wanted this to work, she would do more to try and talk to me. I want to text her and talk, but i don't want to always be the one trying. She left me and i think age needs to make the attempt to make this work. Not me.
Mariposa10 Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 It really sucks that they do this ****! She has told me numerous times that her And thus other guy she's seeing aren't serious, that age doesn't see a future with him. That she wants to be with me and she just needs to do it right and make sure thus doesn't happen again with us. If that were the case idk why she would still be with thus guy. I think she's just telling me What I want to hear, but her actions speak otherwise, when we talk (initiated by me every time) age makes me feel like she wants ur so bad to work with us, but as soon as we hang up. I don't hear anything from her, it kind of pisses me off! If she really wanted this to work, she would do more to try and talk to me. I want to text her and talk, but i don't want to always be the one trying. She left me and i think age needs to make the attempt to make this work. Not me. My ex kept telling me until the very last talk we had, how I was the one he wanted to wake up next to for the rest of his life, except that he's ****ing another girl right. So it doesn't matter what they say, what matters are ACTIONS!!! Do not contact her!! Let her get her **** together.
Author justlooking463 Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 Yeah, thats what she is doing to me, filling my head with **** to make herself feel better. Its bs really, i would never do something like that to someone iloved nor would i do it to anyone, ppl should just be honest, is that just to much to ask now a days? I broke down and text her, she said she misses me but like u say her actions speak otherwise. I guess i need to realize that, just having such a damn hard time doing it. I need to give up.
Mariposa10 Posted September 26, 2013 Posted September 26, 2013 Yeah, thats what she is doing to me, filling my head with **** to make herself feel better. Its bs really, i would never do something like that to someone iloved nor would i do it to anyone, ppl should just be honest, is that just to much to ask now a days? I broke down and text her, she said she misses me but like u say her actions speak otherwise. I guess i need to realize that, just having such a damn hard time doing it. I need to give up. You need to stop texting her, whenever I felt like texting my ex boyfriend I would leave my phone upstairs in a place where it was hard to get it. You have to do something, so you stop texting her. You should check out my thread, there's some really good advice there form people on this forum. I was just like you I kept contacting my ex, then I went to LC but he kept contacting me, ZERO ACTIONS though. Until two days ago, I realized I had had enough and needed to save the little dignity I had left. Stay strong, things do get better!!
Recommended Posts