maegan Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been together for 19 months and everything is great, except when his friends are around. When we hang out with his friends they are always telling stories about things they did in the last 10 years and I just sit there awkwardly because I wasn't part of any of those stories. I feel like his friends know him way better than I do because they knew him growing up. It makes me feel like I don't know him at all. He was with his ex for 3 years and they all knew her and hung out with her so her name comes up sometimes and it's just really awkward for me. They all did a lot together and we never do. I don't know... I've only been around his friends a handful of times because we live a few hours away from them. What do I do about this? I hate it. Every time I'm around his friends I feel like I don't fit in and have doubts about the relationship because I feel like I don't fit in. As soon as we're alone I feel back to normal.
soccerrprp Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Do they leave you out of the conversations intentionally or do they engage you in any way? You shouldn't feel intimidated. Yes, they do know your bf better than you, but perhaps you should join in and ask questions, try to show some interest in his past (not the ex ). Unless they are TRYING to make you feel left-out, it's really you that needs to break the ice a bit.
Author maegan Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 They don't try and include me at all. I feel like I'm invisible or they think I'm enjoying it. They tell stories for hours sometimes and I just sit there. No one says anything to me and there isn't anything that I could say. I don't think they do it intentionally though.
soccerrprp Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 They don't try and include me at all. I feel like I'm invisible or they think I'm enjoying it. They tell stories for hours sometimes and I just sit there. No one says anything to me and there isn't anything that I could say. I don't think they do it intentionally though. You know, sometimes it's tough to gauge just how much a new gf/bf would feel comfortable about talking about the past. They may be uncertain how to bring you in to the conversation. Why not try to engage and see what kind of response you get? If positive, it's a relief to all, if negative, then there may be something to the notion that they are fully accepting of you (yet). Have you asked your bf about how your friends feel about you? Ask him to help you participate in the conversations...?
Author maegan Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 You know, sometimes it's tough to gauge just how much a new gf/bf would feel comfortable about talking about the past. They may be uncertain how to bring you in to the conversation. Why not try to engage and see what kind of response you get? If positive, it's a relief to all, if negative, then there may be something to the notion that they are fully accepting of you (yet). Have you asked your bf about how your friends feel about you? Ask him to help you participate in the conversations...? I've asked my bf if they like me and he said yes but he's never asked them. He just assumes they like me. I don't think they would say anything if they didn't. I've told him a couple times how it makes me feel and he said he understands but doesn't do anything to help. When we're with his friends he kind of ignores me, which I don't mind since he's having friend time, but he doesn't really talk to me so he wouldn't bring me into the conversation. Last night they were talking about things that happened in high school and I said something that fit in with what was going on but they just kind of looked at me like they didn't care and didn't respond to it or anything.
soccerrprp Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I've asked my bf if they like me and he said yes but he's never asked them. He just assumes they like me. I don't think they would say anything if they didn't. I've told him a couple times how it makes me feel and he said he understands but doesn't do anything to help. When we're with his friends he kind of ignores me, which I don't mind since he's having friend time, but he doesn't really talk to me so he wouldn't bring me into the conversation. Last night they were talking about things that happened in high school and I said something that fit in with what was going on but they just kind of looked at me like they didn't care and didn't respond to it or anything. Egad. Sorry. They may be getting a feel of who you are or, goodness forbid, they are a little resentful of you. Does it sound like they were very friendly with ex? Does she still hang out with them?
Author maegan Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Egad. Sorry. They may be getting a feel of who you are or, goodness forbid, they are a little resentful of you. Does it sound like they were very friendly with ex? Does she still hang out with them? They were really friendly with his ex. They all went to high school and college with her and frequently hung out with them. They still hang out with her from time to time. Not as much but still do. My bf doesn't though he hasn't seen her in years. They broke up 2 years before we started dating and broke up because she cheated on him. They've gotten a bit better about talking to me, but really all they say is hey, how are you, want a drink, and see yah. His best friend said bye to me for the first time in 19 months last night. I considered that I milestone, which is sad.
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