conzboneeus Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 What I mean is that she doesn't seem to understand that part of attraction for men is being somewhat sexy. This lady is very pretty, very smart, funny, but she doesn't seem to know how to be sexy. Like she has no sexual confidence or something. I wish I could put it in words. Nothing to do with not putting out that doesn't matter to me. But I do like a woman who knows she's a woman and knows how to be sexy. This probably makes no sense but a little sexual tension is good. A tee shirt and some a least form fitting jeans instead of a very loose blouse and grandma pants. She is a good looking woman and not over weight she just seems to be uncomfortable with even trying to be sexy. I really like her but I know without that key ingredient its not going to go much further. Again, I am not talking about having sex. I can't say anything I don't want to hurt her feelings. So is it hopeless? Is there anyway to get that message subtlety?
Misfortune Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Go find someone else that is sexy to you. Let her be who she is and find someone who thinks she's sexy just the way she is. As long as she's appealing to me when she's naked, it doesn't matter to me what she wants to wear. She's her own person and that's her style. 4
hppr Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 I can't say anything I don't want to hurt her feelings. Yeah you can. Tell her you think she's gorgeous and that she'd look great in tight jeans or a skirt etc. Build up her confidence. Take her shopping and let her know that it's okay by you if she dresses a bit sexier.
spiderowl Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 I can understand where she's coming from because I'm just like that. I'd rather be liked for my personality than for flirting with guys. I don't dress to be sexy, but wear what I like to wear. I can flirt with guys but choose not to; it just doesn't feel right to me. However, I certainly enjoy sex very much and so does the guy I'm with (otherwise I wouldn't be with him). I'm not sure what you are bothered about - whether she's not flirting with you and so you are wondering how to read her, or whether you think she just doesn't project her sexuality to anyone. I'm sure you could tell her in some way that she's not putting herself across in a sexual way and she may well do what I would do and find it rather amusing and irrelevant. I would not be impressed with a guy saying this, nor would I take any notice of it. I'm confident that I'm a sexual person and that I can attract guys, therefore I have no need to advertise this to anyone. If a guy complained, I would just think I had no need for him. If he's not attracted, that's all there is to it - I'm not going to try to please him. What for? Does he want a puppet on a string or a person? If you are not attracted to the woman, leave her be. She will attract the right guys for her. Are you afraid your mates might think there is something wrong with you if you are attracted to a 'frumpy' looking girl? Maybe you need to look at your own self-confidence and maturity not at hers. 1
soccerrprp Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 I'm dating a woman that dresses pretty plainly. She's not overly conscious of the way she looks to other people and she knows that I find her HOT HOT HOT. I know what's underneath her plain attire and how she behaves when we're close. Enough for me.... Not all women feel the need to "look" sexy. It's uncomfortable for some. She likes to be laid-back, comfortable and plain. That's her. If you don't like it, let her know and ask if she could dress more provocatively, if not, move on. 2
HokeyReligions Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 The last guy that tried to change me..., well I don't know what happened to him. I married the man who thinks I'm the sexiest thing on the planet in my loose and comfy jeans, my flannel nightgowns and wool socks. Either get over it or move on. 1
Speakingofwhich Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 What I mean is that she doesn't seem to understand that part of attraction for men is being somewhat sexy. This lady is very pretty, very smart, funny, but she doesn't seem to know how to be sexy. Like she has no sexual confidence or something. I wish I could put it in words. Nothing to do with not putting out that doesn't matter to me. But I do like a woman who knows she's a woman and knows how to be sexy. This probably makes no sense but a little sexual tension is good. A tee shirt and some a least form fitting jeans instead of a very loose blouse and grandma pants. She is a good looking woman and not over weight she just seems to be uncomfortable with even trying to be sexy. I really like her but I know without that key ingredient its not going to go much further. Again, I am not talking about having sex. I can't say anything I don't want to hurt her feelings. So is it hopeless? Is there anyway to get that message subtlety? Yes, it's hopeless with her if what you are looking for is a woman with sensuality. Some women have it, some don't. It's not synonymous with hotness or beauty, though some hot and/or beautiful women possess it. Even with the clothes she currently wears, if she had that sensuous quality, it would be apparent. It won't be solved with a change of clothing. It's the way a woman moves, the way her eyes speak, sometimes mysterious, sometimes playful, etc., it's a subtle complexity of personality. And has nothing to do with being flirtatious. Though flirting is not ruled out! It is her awareness of her womanliness, not flaunting it, but enjoying it with confidence! Yes, it will be reflected in the clothes she chooses and wears, which won't necessarily be revealing. Everything she does will have it written all over it. Many men don't have a need for a woman like this, but all men are attracted to her. However, it seems you do have a desire for this quality in your woman so please, find one such woman! They're out there! I doubt you'll be satisfied with anything less and let this woman end up with a man to whom it doesn't matter! Lucky the woman who ends up with you, having this awareness as sensuality in a woman is at it's best when her man appreciates it and can play off of it! Such is the stuff romance is born of!
soccerrprp Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 What I mean is that she doesn't seem to understand that part of attraction for men is being somewhat sexy. So, you've spoken to her about this? And she still doesn't see the rationale for a change?
happywithlife Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I think trying to get her to wear sexy clothing and offending her will entail walking a fine line. I know that when I was younger (early 20s) I was bent on having guys liked me for who I was and not b/c I looked hot. I definitely did not feel comfortable dressing sexy b/c of this. I would be worried guys only saw me as a piece of meat. Fast forward to now (mid thirties) and as a result of life experiences, I'm a lot more comfortable with who I am and dressing a bit more sexy. I am not provocative nor a prude. And, I especially enjoy dressing up for my boyfriend. I like knowing he thinks I look hot. The key, IMO, is to compliment her in ways that don't make her too self conscious. Get her a t-shirt you think would look good on her, but tell her you got it b/c it makes her eyes/face look so pretty or b/c you know she likes the color/band/design/etc. Steer clear of talking about her figure or hotness for a bit. Buy her perfume and she might start desiring to wear eye shadow. Stay away from buying pants/skirts/bathing suites for a bit. Good luck!
StanMusial Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 So long as she look good in her birfday suit you should be OK.
xxoo Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Are you actually dating her at this point? Or no?
LBlanc Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 What I mean is that she doesn't seem to understand that part of attraction for men is being somewhat sexy. This lady is very pretty, very smart, funny, but she doesn't seem to know how to be sexy. Like she has no sexual confidence or something. I wish I could put it in words. Nothing to do with not putting out that doesn't matter to me. But I do like a woman who knows she's a woman and knows how to be sexy. This probably makes no sense but a little sexual tension is good. A tee shirt and some a least form fitting jeans instead of a very loose blouse and grandma pants. She is a good looking woman and not over weight she just seems to be uncomfortable with even trying to be sexy. I really like her but I know without that key ingredient its not going to go much further. Again, I am not talking about having sex. I can't say anything I don't want to hurt her feelings. So is it hopeless? Is there anyway to get that message subtlety? you know this could backfire...like really bad. Let's say you manage to get her into dressing up sexy...she gets lots of attention, then the next thing you know she starts thinking she could get someone better...just sayin 1
stillafool Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Yeah you can. Tell her you think she's gorgeous and that she'd look great in tight jeans or a skirt etc. Build up her confidence. Take her shopping and let her know that it's okay by you if she dresses a bit sexier. I agree. OP tell her "Your legs are beautiful, I would love to see them in heels."
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I believe what you're saying is that it's not about how she dresses or what she wears like lingerie, but that she does not have the confidence in herself to be sexy with you and do things that turn you on because she wouldn't even be very convincing. That's up to her though and how she feels about that, maybe she wants to feel and be sexy but doesn't feel secure or have the trust...you should talk to her about this and compliment her so that maybe she will feel more confident finding that part of her within herself to be sexy. Otherwise if she doesn't want to, doesn't have the desire or interest it's just not the kind of girl that is sexually compatible with you...so go to your local club and take the hand of one of those girls dancing up on the platform with her underwear hanging out...she's pretty confident...at least while drunk. 1
Author conzboneeus Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 We are dating went out for 4th time in a few weeks. I guess its me. I think the person who mentioned she is either sensual or isn't is probably close to what I mean. I haven't seen her naked nor am I in any rush been down that road many times and ready for more than that. This is a smart, level headed, attractive, good woman....I just wish the there was more of the woman part. I keep hoping that when I see here the next time she has on something less....dowdy I guess. Lol, she is a school teacher but I know that's just a stereotype. Maybe the idea of going to the mall and mentioning that looks nice or something along those lines works. I dunno I have fun with her but the sexual tension is not there. And I need that. She is 49 married twice but a southern girl. I'm 56 a native New Yawker been in the south 20 years. I just want to find someone with all the qualities I seek. Why the heck is that so hard? Ahhhhhhhh!
Emilia Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 We are dating went out for 4th time in a few weeks. I guess its me. I think the person who mentioned she is either sensual or isn't is probably close to what I mean. I haven't seen her naked nor am I in any rush been down that road many times and ready for more than that. This is a smart, level headed, attractive, good woman....I just wish the there was more of the woman part. I keep hoping that when I see here the next time she has on something less....dowdy I guess. Lol, she is a school teacher but I know that's just a stereotype. Maybe the idea of going to the mall and mentioning that looks nice or something along those lines works. I dunno I have fun with her but the sexual tension is not there. And I need that. She is 49 married twice but a southern girl. I'm 56 a native New Yawker been in the south 20 years. I just want to find someone with all the qualities I seek. Why the heck is that so hard? Ahhhhhhhh! Yes, speakingofwhich's post was very good. You get women who are understated yet confident in their sexuality and you get women who never will be. She is 49, had at least 2 very serious relationships and her sexuality is what it is. I am 41 and my confidence in my 30s grew so much, it's at its peak now and I'm more sexually confident than a lot of women I know even though I don't dress slutty or pretend to be able to compete with women half my age, etc etc. If she hasn't got it now she probably never will. For me it was a gradual process and I learned to choose men who appreciated it. My current partner is one who wants a sexy, assertive woman who rips his clothes off in bed and holds her own. As speakingofwhich said, not all men have use for a woman like that, in fact a lot of men don't trust sexually confident women (I don't have my underwear hanging out , if someone doesn't get that part he doesn't know what sexual confidence is). My advice would be to be open about this from the start with the women you date OP. My SO has been, he was very straight up from day one that he wanted a strong, sexual woman and he was bored of submissive girls. He too wasn't interested in jumping into bed straight away. If you don't ask, you don't get. 1
Leigh 87 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I believe what you're saying is that it's not about how she dresses or what she wears like lingerie, but that she does not have the confidence in herself to be sexy with you and do things that turn you on because she wouldn't even be very convincing. That's up to her though and how she feels about that, maybe she wants to feel and be sexy but doesn't feel secure or have the trust...you should talk to her about this and compliment her so that maybe she will feel more confident finding that part of her within herself to be sexy. Otherwise if she doesn't want to, doesn't have the desire or interest it's just not the kind of girl that is sexually compatible with you...so go to your local club and take the hand of one of those girls dancing up on the platform with her underwear hanging out...she's pretty confident...at least while drunk. I am not sure he is after a girl with her vagina hanging out:lmao: I dress very well and in ways that show my body off. Yet in a tasteful manner. No too short skirts in public unless I am at the beach and everyone is wearing bikinis... I know how to show my figure off in a very sexy way by enhancing my body type and looking thinner and curvier in the right places. This girl, however, simply sounds like she does not showcase her body in the manner in which I indulge in. I see girls with fitter and thinner bodies than me, who hide in over sized high - wasted pants combined with tee shirts. If they wore tight jeans and a cute but figure hugging tee, it would show the silhouette and show off the female form, rather than hiding it in a sack of clothes.
Author conzboneeus Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 I dress very well and in ways that show my body off. Yet in a tasteful manner. No too short skirts in public unless I am at the beach and everyone is wearing bikinis... I know how to show my figure off in a very sexy way by enhancing my body type and looking thinner and curvier in the right places. This girl, however, simply sounds like she does not showcase her body in the manner in which I indulge in. I see girls with fitter and thinner bodies than me, who hide in over sized high - wasted pants combined with tee shirts. If they wore tight jeans and a cute but figure hugging tee, it would show the silhouette and show off the female form, rather than hiding it in a sack of clothes. Bingo! Thank you that is what I am saying. Not slutty or provocative. I work out am in good shape. I don't walk around in skin tight leather pants and my shirt open to the navel. But I do wear good fitting clothes that show off my physique tastefully. I have a feeling its just not going to work out. She is who she is and that is a very nice, smart, pretty lady who is just very modest and nothing wrong with that but she is probably better off with a man more like her, and I woman more like me.
FitChick Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I have a feeling its just not going to work out. She is who she is and that is a very nice, smart, pretty lady who is just very modest and nothing wrong with that but she is probably better off with a man more like her, and I woman more like me. Good luck with that at your age. This woman is hiding a good figure and most women who dress like that are hiding a bad figure. Instead of giving up over something so silly, you should try the window shopping thing first, i.e. "You would look so sexy in a dress like that. You should dress to show off your figure since most women your age aren't as attractive as you are." If you like to go dancing mention taking her out dancing if she wears a dress like that, or that you want to take her to an upscale jazz club or cocktail bar but they have a dress code. It's possible she doesn't date that much and doesn't have extra money for clothes she would only wear a couple of times a year. It's easier to change what's on the outside than what's on the inside.
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