Had the chance to speak with the bs....

[whichwayisup]

You say this as if all other woman were the same. I would like to point out we are as different as you are.

 

I am not angry at my MMs BS nor do I want to hurt her purposely. I would however hurt her if I really asked her what i wanted to know..... i doubt i ever will.

 

"why do you want him to continue seeing me every day and do nothing about it, how can you live like that?, How can you stay with someone who loves someone else. His state of mind has been affected by his guilt that you and your children are putting on him (at your bequest) and the pressure to do what YOU want him to Who is going to be happy ultimately by emotional blackmail?''

 

But do you not see that HE is lying to her and probably has the wool pulled over his eyes? What he shares with you behind closed doors and what he shares with her behind closed doors, neither of you know about. The same could be said about you. how can you choose to stay with someone who chooses to live at home and not divorce? HE is the one who is doing this.. To both of you and you BOTH put up with it! The anger really should be directed at him, not his wife.

 

If he is acting passive and allowing this to go on and on, then he IS part of the problem.

[Diana123]

But do you not see that HE is lying to her and probably has the wool pulled over his eyes? What he shares with you behind closed doors and what he shares with her behind closed doors, neither of you know about. The same could be said about you. how can you choose to stay with someone who chooses to live at home and not divorce? HE is the one who is doing this.. To both of you and you BOTH put up with it! The anger really should be directed at him, not his wife.

 

If he is acting passive and allowing this to go on and on, then he IS part of the problem.

 

The MM in these situations definitely have a problem, are part of the problem. I would like to ask my MM's wife exactly the same questions.

She knows totally about us. She knows he stays away all night 2-3 times a week. He spent all of his birthday and valentines day and night with me, boxing day, new years eve with me. . I know much of what he tells me about her is lies, but I do know for sure they have a very disfunctional relationship. They never go out together, anywhere. We are the ones who go out at the weekend together, alone or with friends.

 

He was ill recently and I didn't see him for about 4 days. He was still wearing the same clothes, he hadn't washed (I could tell!). Had hardly eaten. I made sure he had a decent meal, had a bath. He felt a million times better. I know he gets really depressed by the whole situation. But she is happy to continue being with him like this, and he is happy to stay in this situation. This is his second marriage and he made a mess of the first one and has no real connection with his kids from that (they are in another country.) He feels he needs to try and be there for his kids and will not contemplate moving out. I cannot be his emotional crutch though. And what if he did leave her? I could be the third wife that he ends up having issues with...

 

I am about to go NC on my MM as I know the whole thing is wrong. I know they have co-dependency issues in their relationship as well. I wish they would sort their marriage out and be happy together, particularly for the sake of their kids. When I've heard him on the phone to her he is dismissive. Will often ignore her when she tries to contact him. I hate that. One of the many reasons I cannot do this anymore.

 

Yes I do believe my MM does love me. But that is not enough. He is happy to live his life with his wife the way it is. Im sure once I'm gone he will find someone to fill my place, someone who will also be his companion.

 

I think it is sad how relationships can end up like theirs, or like mine and his. I know I have learnt my lesson now from my one, and I am thankful in many ways I am not in her situation.

[whichwayisup]

He was ill recently and I didn't see him for about 4 days. He was still wearing the same clothes, he hadn't washed (I could tell!). Had hardly eaten. I made sure he had a decent meal, had a bath. He felt a million times better. I know he gets really depressed by the whole situation.

So, he cannot eat, nor bathe, and not look after himself. He needs a woman to make sure he eats and showers? So if you hadn't pushed him to bathe and eat, he'd be starving and stinking (lol) for another bunch of days? I hope you see how sad that is...it's him.

But she is happy to continue being with him like this, and he is happy to stay in this situation.

 

Dysfunction at it's finest. He is passive and won't change his ways, he's happy enough doing what he's doing.

[ladydesigner]

We've established xBF is a POS, what's her excuse? Assuming she knows he lied to me about her, she should be happy I stepped aside. instead she continues to be rude. Maybe that's just her nature... and in that case xBF is in a living hell of his own making.

 

Why would anyone expect me to PRETEND I care about her feelings?

 

Well if she is still being rude to you I agree that is uncalled for. No one expects you to pretend to care about her feelings, I just thought your statement earlier was cruel that's all. You cannot expect a BS not to lash out on discovery day. Most OW know what they are getting into so the reaction from the BS should never be a surprise.

[ladydesigner]

You say this as if all other woman were the same. I would like to point out we are as different as you are.

 

I am not angry at my MMs BS nor do I want to hurt her purposely. I would however hurt her if I really asked her what i wanted to know..... i doubt i ever will.

 

"why do you want him to continue seeing me every day and do nothing about it, how can you live like that?, How can you stay with someone who loves someone else. His state of mind has been affected by his guilt that you and your children are putting on him (at your bequest) and the pressure to do what YOU want him to Who is going to be happy ultimately by emotional blackmail?''

 

"Wow i find it amazing when OW feel this way towards a BS"

 

^^THIS does not include all OW, btw I'm a fMOW. It includes any OW who felt the way cif did in the previous post. A BS is already traumatized and in shock on Dday, our whole world is turned upside down just as an OW's is when she is thrown under the bus. To knowingly hurt a BS after causing her the pain on Dday is despicable in my eyes and I hope I never hurt someone in that way.