brlove Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 (edited) Hi everyone. Im new here and my story is long. I want give all details so here we go. Me and my ex were together for eight and a half years. He was 21 and i was 19 when we got together. We lived together just about the entire time we were together. We always had petty arguments. I figured it was just because we were so young amd its part of a relationship. Im old school and all i ever wanted was to work hard, cook, clean, have a nice home, have a family and love this man forever. I beleived he loved me too but not as quickly as i fell in love with him. He wasnt brought up quite like i was. He was an only child. He was babied alot by his mom and still is. He is about to turn 30 and his mom still does alot for him that he should be doing hisself. Anyway... i have left him 3 times . The 1 st time because we argued so much and he didnt want to communicate like an adult. I loved him so i went back after a couple weeks. The second was about 4 years ago when he decided to tear down our kitchen and was supposed to remodel but never did. Mind u , he was also extremely messy and would just throw his cigerette butts in the floor and his ashes and trash and he had a couple of his pet dogs he kept in the house. They would destroy it. He never cared about keeping the house up or repairs done or even cutting tge grass. So i felt then it was time i needed to go but i loved him still and was only trying to teach him something. He begged me back showing up at my job everynight with roses and crying and telling me he would finish remodeling and do the things he needed to do with our home to make it a livable home. I went back again after only two weeks. Nothing changed it only began to get worse. It started getting really bad about two years ago with the arguing about the house . We had gotten to the point of saying some really mean and hurtful things to each other without even realizing how badly it was affecting us at the time. I told him i was gonna leave again. I got a second job and worked my ass off to save to buy a house. I was never home and never around to even give him any attention that he needed to even try to make things work. I tried to make it work in the past but i had given up and he had given up too long before i did. I finally left again. I didnt buy , i wanted out so bad i just rented the first thing that i could find. I thought it was over for good this time. I relized it wasnt over for me still because i still loved him very deeply unconditionly no matter how much he did or didnt do for us. He was at my new place for two weeks with me telling me he loved me and i was trying to work it out with him but living separetly. He did really love me at one time and no matter what we went through there were lots of great times. From one day to the very next he loved me and then told me he didnt anymore. He has had an eighteen year old practically living with him since then. He told her he loved her like two weeks into there relationship. He had the kitchen done within about three weeks into it and he is keeping things up and keeping the grass cut now. Its been four months and they are still together and im still heartbroken and mouring over his lose and wonderinv why he is now doing those things with her that i wanted so badly for him to do with me and for us. Thats all i wanted was our home to be a home and to build a family together. Why is he doing this now? Ive tried to make him see i love him and ive tried to make him realize what needed to be done to save our relationship but he doesnt care. Im so confused. We wouldnt be where we r right now if he would have done those things for me. I know he loved me , how did this happen? I still love him so much? Edited September 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
BC1980 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 You basically trained him not to take you seriously when you went back to him 3 times. So he didn't have much of a fear you would really leave him for good. So he had no impetus to cut the grass or remodel the kitchen (or do many of the other things I'm sure you wished he did). You sent him a clear message that you were okay with what he gave you, which was uncut grass and a crappy kitchen. I'm sure there are many other examples. Your actions speak louder than your words. He didn't respect you because of what you put up with and because you went back to him so easily every time. When you leave someone, you need to be willing to stick by your decision. Otherwise, you come off as the weak party. So. . . . now he has someone new. He can't read her yet like he could read you. So he wants to impress her by cutting the grass because he doesn't know what she will and won't put up with. The relationship you had with him sounds toxic anyway, so I would try to find something better. 1
Author brlove Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 I know that this is a situation that most probably cant relate to. I really need any feedback anyone can give please. This is so painful. Is there any hope for us? Will he see later on down the road see his own mistakes and know i was good for him.? Someone please give me any advice.
Author brlove Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Thank u BC1980. I know your right. It just hurts so bad to know how quickly he had someone new and how much he is doing for her but didnt for me. I do question if he ever really loved me. I wonder of its possible he fell in love with her so quick. Or if she is just a rebound. I want him to see his mistakes and see i love him and work it out with me. I know i cant make anyone do anything but i pray about it. And i dont even know if thats considered selfish on my part. I beleive one day he will look back at this and be sorry. I think its gonna take a few years , some growing and maturity. Hes so angry with me though or himself, i dont know which. He cant even look at me when he passes me on the highway. If nothing else i just want us to be on good terms but he holds a grudge against me.
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