zodiark11 Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Hey LS. I'm back and I want to hear everybody's opinion of some of the things I'm going to ask here. So I broke up three months ago from 18 months of relationship (LDR). We met few times in a month. Reason is she fell out of love and to add that, I was clingy, needy, jerk etc etc. I didn't realize it because I was trying too hard to make her happy, buying cards for upcoming anniversary and birthday. I even bought a ring just for fun. Two months of break up, she fell in love with her friend who is with a different religion. She knows it's wrong but willing to try further. I mean, god damn. Really? So in these three months, I try to leave her alone. I tweet, posting fb status, blogging like a reporter about how I need a person to talk to. Somehow she sees it all and get annoyed until she totally ignore me. Since break up, I also do the begging stuffs until few days, I decided to call it off. I focus to better myself. I know that my actions lately was so wrong and now, I believe myself I am better than ever. I even considering my new hobby to make it as my sideline to earn income I can't lie it still hurts and I wish I can have her back. I fought very hard but I just can't have a decent person that I can talk to. I'm currently in college, in a middle of nowhere. I may seem to exaggerate but really, the people around here and in college look at me differently due to race, so I ended up really alone. I do have best friends but they're just so far and I get to meet them at random times like, once a month. Around here, there's not much to do. No fitness center, just a shopping mall and even my daily meals are just mostly damn fried rice. So it's a little bit hard for me to really move on like this, there's just nothing to do. Okay, so the question is 1. How do you guys fight the thoughts when you do certain things that reminds you of your ex? Especially when you are with someone new, for quite some time?? 2. I know I can move on and one day, the Good Lord Himself maybe bring me back to her without us knowing or meet someone new. Let's say if I am with someone new currently and totally moved on, then suddenly my ex reappears for whatever reason to want me back. How do you do with this dilemma situation? Does anybody break up with the new person or stays? What are the reason? Any comments are really appreciated! Sorry if my English are bad
Oldcatskinner Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 You bring up some good questions. Here's how I handled my situation. 1. How do you guys fight the thoughts when you do certain things that reminds you of your ex? Especially when you are with someone new, for quite some time?? I didn't fight the thoughts. I let them happen, and then evaluated my thoughts. I took the approach that since (especially right after the breakup) most any situation would remind me of her, and not letting this process happen would be running away from the situation, which I would have to face later on the road. What I learned from this is that there will be certain things at always remind me of my ex, but that was in the past, and since she is not here in the present, it is a memory. And since she is not around to share in the making of new memories, I will focus my attention on the girl next to me, in front of me, on top of me, etc. 2. I know I can move on and one day, the Good Lord Himself maybe bring me back to her without us knowing or meet someone new. Let's say if I am with someone new currently and totally moved on, then suddenly my ex reappears for whatever reason to want me back. How do you do with this dilemma situation? Does anybody break up with the new person or stays? What are the reason? If you have totally moved on, then you would be focusing your attention elsewhere. Hopefully yourself and your new partner. Should your ex show up, you need to figure out why. And if she doesn't or won't tell you why, then you have your answer. I don't know the current situation that you and your current partner have, but if it is a good one where trust and love are being built and fostered, I would NOT entertain the notion of going back to an ex. In the end, the heart knows what it wants, but we have brains to help regulate our desires, and the desires of the heart change. If I was in a relationship, once again, where trust and love were being built, the going back to an ex in my mind would not only break the trust of my new relationship; it would also signal to my ex that I am not trustworthy myself and the chance of success with the ex would be dismal. In conclusion, the best way to handle this situation is to get prepared. Life does give us chance, but chance favors the prepared mind. This is just my $.02; I would have a serious conversation with my current partner about this issue. She may have the same concerns herself, I don't know. From what you wrote, I can think of two scenarios: 1) You aren't over your ex and are using another relationship to feel the same feelings that you felt with your ex 2)You are over your ex and are preparing yourself for a what-if scenario, which may or may not happen.
Author zodiark11 Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 You bring up some good questions. Here's how I handled my situation. 1. How do you guys fight the thoughts when you do certain things that reminds you of your ex? Especially when you are with someone new, for quite some time?? I didn't fight the thoughts. I let them happen, and then evaluated my thoughts. I took the approach that since (especially right after the breakup) most any situation would remind me of her, and not letting this process happen would be running away from the situation, which I would have to face later on the road. What I learned from this is that there will be certain things at always remind me of my ex, but that was in the past, and since she is not here in the present, it is a memory. And since she is not around to share in the making of new memories, I will focus my attention on the girl next to me, in front of me, on top of me, etc. 2. I know I can move on and one day, the Good Lord Himself maybe bring me back to her without us knowing or meet someone new. Let's say if I am with someone new currently and totally moved on, then suddenly my ex reappears for whatever reason to want me back. How do you do with this dilemma situation? Does anybody break up with the new person or stays? What are the reason? If you have totally moved on, then you would be focusing your attention elsewhere. Hopefully yourself and your new partner. Should your ex show up, you need to figure out why. And if she doesn't or won't tell you why, then you have your answer. I don't know the current situation that you and your current partner have, but if it is a good one where trust and love are being built and fostered, I would NOT entertain the notion of going back to an ex. In the end, the heart knows what it wants, but we have brains to help regulate our desires, and the desires of the heart change. If I was in a relationship, once again, where trust and love were being built, the going back to an ex in my mind would not only break the trust of my new relationship; it would also signal to my ex that I am not trustworthy myself and the chance of success with the ex would be dismal. In conclusion, the best way to handle this situation is to get prepared. Life does give us chance, but chance favors the prepared mind. This is just my $.02; I would have a serious conversation with my current partner about this issue. She may have the same concerns herself, I don't know. From what you wrote, I can think of two scenarios: 1) You aren't over your ex and are using another relationship to feel the same feelings that you felt with your ex 2)You are over your ex and are preparing yourself for a what-if scenario, which may or may not happen. Thank you Oldcat! I think I have over my ex slowly and it's getting better, but still 'Preparing' like you said. Sorry I didn't mention that I'm actually with nobody at the moment, because I know it's still early and I don't wanna hurt this new person (Should I have any). I am just trying to be happy with myself and my ex probably doesn't notice, but if she do come crawling back, I definitely will look for a straight answer. I just pray to God that whatever path I choose to go, it'll lead me to a better one
Reels Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Yes, even I, still want her back, she cheated on me, 1.1 year ago, and she clearly said that :- * I don't want to be with you. * I should had never let you get closer to me. * You are not trustworthy(yes because i recorded her messages showing that how much she loved me) * You are a liar.(even though she was wrong) * I don't love him anymore(told a mutual friend) * No need of any talks now, just move on. * We can never get together, i don't want to go back to our relation. Seriously, prior to her sayings that "you are the best", "you are wonderful person, kind, generous, loving", "you bright up my day", "i pray to god every time that we will marry" and so on. Obviously when i think about this all, it's hardly beneficial to me, but always harmful. My neck starts paining now, because these are the things i can never tell to anyone else. Nor i have any belief left, regarding love. Interesting, how it's over 9 months now, that she hasn't even talked to me. Yet every single second(or at least 5 mins) i would think of her. I may never know, why this all happens either.
Author zodiark11 Posted September 26, 2013 Author Posted September 26, 2013 Yes, even I, still want her back, she cheated on me, 1.1 year ago, and she clearly said that :- * I don't want to be with you. * I should had never let you get closer to me. * You are not trustworthy(yes because i recorded her messages showing that how much she loved me) * You are a liar.(even though she was wrong) * I don't love him anymore(told a mutual friend) * No need of any talks now, just move on. * We can never get together, i don't want to go back to our relation. Seriously, prior to her sayings that "you are the best", "you are wonderful person, kind, generous, loving", "you bright up my day", "i pray to god every time that we will marry" and so on. Obviously when i think about this all, it's hardly beneficial to me, but always harmful. My neck starts paining now, because these are the things i can never tell to anyone else. Nor i have any belief left, regarding love. Interesting, how it's over 9 months now, that she hasn't even talked to me. Yet every single second(or at least 5 mins) i would think of her. I may never know, why this all happens either. I feel you man. I hope you're doing fine out there. Good luck! On a side note, I'm actually happier recently. I'm making history in my college from my course and bumped into a girl three times (Same person). Next time we meet, I'm gonna ask her to hang out So, is there any other guys/girls out there who is interested to share the thoughts of the topic? :/ 1
Reels Posted September 27, 2013 Posted September 27, 2013 I feel you man. I hope you're doing fine out there. Good luck! On a side note, I'm actually happier recently. I'm making history in my college from my course and bumped into a girl three times (Same person). Next time we meet, I'm gonna ask her to hang out So, is there any other guys/girls out there who is interested to share the thoughts of the topic? :/ This is another thing i dislike, people hardly tell what they feel. I mean we all are patients, we must know about this disease(love).. Well, i wish you do the best, you have the best too. But whenever u will fail/fall, u may only remember your first love. Nothing else..
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