Keeshond_Cub Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 (edited) My (ex) boyfriend and I broke up 4 days ago. We were in a relationship for 2 years (he is in the military). A long time ago he asked if I would move away with him in a couple years, at the time I wasn't going anywhere with my life and my job wasn't that great. So, I said yes. He was hoping to go into a new trade in the military (before finishing the one he started with). The military turned his request about a year ago. He began to get depressed and wouldn't move from out of his basement suite, I would always drive to see him. He wouldn't want to go on walks (not that we did anyways) or go out (except to play his card games or Dungeons and Dragons with his friends 3-4 nights a week). He gained 50lbs over the past year. I would ask him to drive to see me sometimes (~15-20min drive) but he was always tired, not feeling well or would say my car was better on gas (he was financing a $45000 car, a 60" tv and an expensive laptop). We also hadn't been to dinner in a year (not a 'buy me stuff to show you love me' kind of person). He would make me dinner, to save money. While I do totally appreciate the thought, it's great! Sometimes people just want to go and feel romantic somewhere and dress up, look pretty! I also noticed one day he was talking to his previous ex on fb (who cheated on him). I asked him why, he said, 'because she was a good person'. He also said that he contacted all of his exes. I had no clue of this for the whole relationship. He began taking courses online to upgrade to take a course after his contract was up in the military (next year). A lot had changed in my life, work began calling me more (a whole lot more), I got my own apartment (first time living independently), I took different courses (in art and writing). When we first began dating he asked how many people I had slept with in my past (second date) (he was a Christian). I said '1' (it was actually 3), but felt at the time this was a better answer because it wasn't so large. He asked me again a month ago and I told him the truth. He was devastated, he said that it felt like a cheated on him, that he wasn't special, and how was he different than the others. I have not had sex with him because I thought he was special (and also wanted to respect him because he didn't want to have sex until marriage). He kept bringing up how I lied and he felt cheated on. I mentioned that he had slept with someone previous to me, he said that was a 'mistake' (implying that mine were on 'purpose'). I felt it was a double standard(?) It did make me feel terrible that I lied! Do not get me wrong! But these are relationships in my past and they were long term relationships. I told him it felt like he was judging me for a number and not for the person I was. We also had a huge fight about the above topic a month ago. He opened up to me (sort of) and said, his parents and I were the only thing keeping him alive. I thought this was a red flag. He still continued to ask me to move away with him next year so he could go to school (~3hrs away), I explained that I would rather stay here and work (he would be busy at school, and I could make money here). He asked what the next 4 years would look like, and I said I didn't know it was to far ahead for me to tell (I said this because he changes his mind so much). He followed up by saying, 'Well, after I am done school I want to rejoin the military and move every 3 years'. I explained that this would be stressful for me, he didn't have an answer. He would ask me every time we saw each other to move away or move in with him. I would keep explaining myself, but it would always end with sadness. He also admitted he had depression a month ago and asked me to help him. He did go and get anti depressants. He said that he wanted me to help him clean up his place (which was always a mess) because it would make him feel happy. During the break up he was pretty emotionless, said he loved me and was in love with me, but couldn't see me sad if he had to move a lot. I said the same to him (about staying) He dropped off my things yesterday and I dropped off his. I guess I am writing this to see other people's perspectives...or maybe for support...I don't know. Thanks everyone for their thoughts and opinions. Edited September 22, 2013 by Keeshond_Cub adding more things.
Els Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 You were wrong to lie, but from the way you describe him, doesn't sound like much lost here. Cut your losses, (also, learn a lesson about lying) and move on.
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