Rugger1869 Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Going through a divorce currently and it's amicable w/o any kids. Met a nice girl online and we've met up for coffee a couple of times and she's come over to my place a few, too. We're both in out 30s and it is very nice spending time with her. We're both very comfortable around each other and have a great time. Now, we haven't done anything physical or anything because we both agreed that we wanted to go slow. Here's the issue... things were going swimmingly then all of the sudden she stated that she had some issues (she's living with her parents right now, which is a big problem for her) that she needed to work through... Then she stated that she wanted to get her life straight because she wants to know that she is with me because she "loves" me and not because she's lonely. The shock to me is that I thought we were just getting to know each other at this point... hell, we haven't kissed or anything. She's been pretty honest with me about everything, so no worries right? I told her I'd give her some space, yadda yadda yadda. She continues to contact me everyday and is friendly, but I am afraid that either I've made it to the "friend zone," of which I have no interest... or that I am "on the hook." I think this might be more likely since she has stated before that she was till thinking about her ex (who is another American, who is currently married and living with his spouse). Anyway, any ideas? I really like this girl, but you know... at 37 years old, this seems to be an awful lot of BS to deal with.
mikei880 Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 It sounds to me like she's not totally over her ex and she needs to deal with this. She was and is honest enough with you to be upfront about it. My advice is to back off, live your life and deal with your own impending divorce/dissolution. Things may take a bad turn there too, Been there ,done that! If she comes back, great, if not maybe at best you made a friend...Good luck! 1
todreaminblue Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 I think its really poor taste to tell someone hey love ya but im thinking about my ex.....if she was thinking about her ex she should have not have mentioned she wanted to be with you, to me that doesnt make a whole lot of sense......i dont even know if you have progressed past friend stage......doesnt sound like dating or a relationship in general.......was there any talk of it being exclusive in the first place?........to me if you love soemone and it isnt even discussed or an official relationship...... it is a word you keep to yourself till further down the track......the l....o...v....e....word...shhhhh...lol......heres the only time it should be said...... (only said by lip syncing while doing the dougie) i wish you luck i would think the friend zone is where you have been and still are firmly planted...............best wishes................... deb
Author Rugger1869 Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 That's kind of what I thought. *sigh* Oh well. She really had potential.
FitChick Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 (edited) If you still like her as more than a friend, I'd be very inconsistent with contact. Don't respond every time and when you do, keep it short, i.e. "I'm late! Gotta run!" Start dating other women, even if you only meet them one time and drop them. Let her know that you're dating without making a big deal, "I got back so late from my date that I am exhausted. I might take a nap later." Don't let her know that you are there simmering on the back burner. She might decide that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush since her ex is married. Or, ask her if she has any friends or co-workers she could fix you up with, "Someone who is looking for a serious relationship." You have nothing to lose at this point. Edited September 22, 2013 by FitChick 2
MalachiX Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 This isn't taking it slow. This is her keeping you around until she figures out if she wants to date you and that's not fair. I think it's best not to put yourself in a situation where you're on the hook. 3
Author Rugger1869 Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 This isn't taking it slow. This is her keeping you around until she figures out if she wants to date you and that's not fair. I think it's best not to put yourself in a situation where you're on the hook. This is exactly what I was thinkning. I was getting the "she's nuts. Run." from my female friends; however, they're a little "over-protective" of me right now. Well, good. I'm glad I'm not losing my mind. I really didn't need this right now, but everything happens for a reason. Thanks guys. 1
Guitarisgood Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Haha my good man, jump onto my 'lets just be friends' thread. What happened was they lost the 'spark' that made them interested in us. Maybe it was our fault for being too much of a chump or theirs for manipulating the situation. Eitherway. Get out of the situation, go no contact with them and move on or let it go. Maybe down the track, things can be fixed or start over afresh but don't be too optimistic. 2
MalachiX Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 This is exactly what I was thinkning. I was getting the "she's nuts. Run." from my female friends; however, they're a little "over-protective" of me right now. Well, good. I'm glad I'm not losing my mind. I really didn't need this right now, but everything happens for a reason. Thanks guys. She's not nuts, just using you. Both men and women do this. Men seem more inclined to dangle the possabillity of a relationship in front of a woman so they can get sex. Women seem more inclined to do the same thing but in order to get attention and someone to listen to them. Of course, this is a horribly broad generalization that doesn't apply to a lot of men and women. Nevertheless, she probably isn't trying to use you. She probably thinks she's just figuring things out but, in reality, she's keeping you on the hook and that's not fair. If you still want a friendship, I think you should cut contact for a while because, if you don't, you're going to resent her. At least, that's my two cents 2
Author Rugger1869 Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 Idk I'm a girl and this is confusing. If I "friendzoned" a guy I would not text him everyday. Maybe she's deciding between you and her ex? if I were you I'd walk You don't wanna wait around just to be possibly rejected. Yeah, I haven't heard from he since Saturday before she went dancing. They call that an "indicator" in the intelligence community. I'm thinking I'm going to dump her off all of my points of contact; however, I've been cautioned against doing so. What I am not doing, though, is reaching out. She knows where to find me if she wants to talk, but honestly... I'm still interested, but quite a bit less than I was.
Author Rugger1869 Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 So last night she texts me to apologize for not talking to me lately... She's too down. Ok, I said, but told her candidly that I thought she'd moved on, but that I was sorry she was feeling down. Then I got the... Sorry, you have to deal with this; I wish we would have met at a different time. *sigh* I didn't respond... Funny thing is, I'm not "dealing with this." I don't understand much of what's going on with her at all; I just find it terribly fascinating. Part of me hopes she'll come around. We really seemed very compatible, but this much "drama," for lack of a better word, sure is a red flag for me.
heartshaped Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 In my humble opinion, she has too much baggage. I don't think she's nuts or anything like that, but she's obviously going through some things in her life personally and she isn't quite over her ex. I would start seeing other people, OP.
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