Serious for LDR. Recently broke up.

[D862]

So I was 24 and she is 23. She's a nurse while I'm an hvac technician. I was in Virginia while she was in New Jersey. I drove there every other weekend. Spent money traveling back and fourth, busted my ass just to blow my check on traveling. To and from.

 

So last week we broke up. Or should I say she dumped me 10 days ago. And the last week we argued ALOT. No matter what I asked it would be an argument. Whether it was asking about giving her cousin driving lessons and asking simple things like "why can't her parents do it, they must be terrified of her driving" she said "they need an e-break for the test" and she just got pissed off of what I asked. I don't ever remember them using an e-break but that's neither here nor there.

 

Anyway, we broke up. She said "I want to focus on myself, go back to school, find a full time job" (she had a part time job but was working 40 hours a week and making 1200$ every two weeks)

 

Also a few days before that she started going out with "old friends" from a wedding she hadn't seen in a long time. And since I'm in Virginia and her New Jersey I respectfully ask to let me know what's goin on, how she is doing. So on so fourth. And she texts me one time saying that the college she lives near won the game, so she was going to go out with some of her friends and her friends boyfriends and bar hop. So I said cool. Have fun. Whatever. And than around 2 I text her after she went out around 7 and her phone was off. The next morning I'm freaking out. Like maybe dead whatever. Or worse (you know) and she finally texts me around 3pm saying oh my god I'm so sorry. She said her phone died she ended up getting shot faced to get her mind of things and she had lost her phone in her friends car.

 

So anyway onto the breakup. She said she needed to focus on herself whatever. And this whole time before we dated she was a HUGE club rat. I ended up breaking up the habit for awhile anyway. And I had moved there, found a job. And after a month I ended up moving back to va.

 

I had 3 interviews the weekend I was coming up to visit and she said "we tried that before" and I said "yea but it was my first time moving out I tested the waters now I'm ready. I want to work hard for the future for myself and have you in it" this job was 80k a year. I was psyched! And she just didn't want it. Nothing I could say would change her mind.

 

 

((((((Also let me admit, we were together for 8 almost 9 months, so I thought we could have an honest couples talk.. So I brought up In a very nice way.. That she should go to the gynecologist.. Because there was a.. Bad odor and if I was going to be there I wanted to make sure. And she got REALLY PISSED. But I figured after 8 months and being civilized about offering to go to the doctor to just Incase it was me . It would be okay)))

 

 

So it's over. 10 days later, I'm still wondering, what happened. Where I went wrong. What I did. I had jobs lined up. I was willing to build a future with this girl. And focus hard. Do what I had to do to better myself and her.

 

Now I worry about her weekends and what the hell she is doing, and every-time I do I tell myself I'm stronger than that, and need to focus on my ****. I got dumped. That's plain and simple. Plenty of fish out there. But I don't understand what I did. No closure. And I keep worrying. It's just never ending.

 

And (personally between me and this forum) I feel like she wanted to be out at the club again, maybe met someone a few weeks ago. And wanted to see. And I read the pin up post of how the main guy felt. And he's right. I should just not even worry. But it is hard.

 

 

Well that's my story for welcoming me to the forum. My name is devin. Pleasure to meet all of you. Advice, feedback, friendship, honesty is all welcome!

Edited September 22, 2013 by D862

[D862]

She also said, she "put in way more effort than I did" because she would honestly pay too. Sometimes me and sometimes her, but mostly her more. I would offer, and she would always say no matter what "save your money, I want you to keep it" I would honestly have money out and she would force me to put it away.

 

Also when we argued she would always say "okay you're always right" and I'm a relaxed guy. I don't yell or scream, maybe once or twice. But usually I try to have an honest discussion. And it just never worked out. Even a week before we broke up she was like "oh my family loves you, and my grandma is wondering where you are, she misses you" all that kindof stuff. I just can't understand what went wrong.

[StrongLass]

Wait...so you were trying to get a new job & move to a new city ALL to be with a girl you've been dating for....only nine months?

 

That sounds like WAY too much too fast Devin, especially for a young woman who's still hitting up the club scene.

[D862]

No no. I wasn't doing it because I was the only one who wanted to. We discussed it and she actually brought it up. About me finding a better job for a better future. And she actually wanted me to move there. I would of never moved there if there was a serious discussion over it beforehand. Like very serious. And I had moved up there for a month, ended up moving back, than had been searching for interviews. And had 3 and a job pretty much lined up.

 

But again this was all a discussion beforehand. I wouldn't have just moved there unannounced without some sort of Okay from her first. And she seems happy. But than it changed the second time around. She was happy the first time. Ecstatic I was there. And changed afterwards.

[lauri]

Wait...so you were trying to get a new job & move to a new city ALL to be with a girl you've been dating for....only nine months?

 

That sounds like WAY too much too fast Devin, especially for a young woman who's still hitting up the club scene.

 

I know why you are saying that...she may not he mature enough to handle the pressure of him coming. However, if two people commit to a relationship, they should both be trying to do anything to make it work. I respect Devin for trying and doing what he felt was right.

 

Just look at this as a blessing. You should be relieved that you learned she isn't ready to be with someone like you and that you can focus your energy on someone who isn't pushing you away. You didn't do anything wrong you just learned she wants to "do her own thing".