lookingforbalance Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 In a nutshell: Relationship was 1 1/2 years. Up and down relationship after 3 months in. We work in the same building for the same company. 7 weeks ago she decides that she has had enough and ends the relationship. Fair enough, as she had ended it 3 times prior and came back. I de-friended her on fb. After this final breakup, she calls me 18 times in the next 19 days, all her contacting me, and that does not include the emails she sent at work. Then nothing after that 19th day. Then 14 days later she announces on fb that she is in a relationship with one of my friends. A mutual friend told me about it that same day. I go that night and confront him, only to tell him what I think of him. The next day she calls me, by now I had erased her phone number out of my phone (but didn't recognize it when she called), only because she was worried that I was going to do something to cause her to get fired at work. I was appalled, told her I couldn't believe that she would think I would do that at work (we always nothing but professional at work), told her she was his problem now, not mine, and she would never hear from me again. She wants to break up, I can understand that and deal with it, but crushing my heart, then backing up and shoving a hot poker in it by entering a relationship with one of my friends, has set my hurt and anger from the rejection and betrayal into orbit. Having a very hard time coping. NC has been since that phone call, 14 days. Any advice from anyone to release this anger so that I can be at peace with this and move on from this nightmare? Thanks for listening. 2
Mr Scorpio Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Any advice from anyone to release this anger so that I can be at peace with this and move on from this nightmare? Thanks for listening. Lift weights and run. Seriously.
Grumpybutfun Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 lookingforbalance: Seeking peace is a huge step and I commend you on thinking of that instead of trying to hold on to the girl. Exercise is a good stress reliever and working out at the gym can keep you busy and give you some social interaction. It is very important not to be by yourself right now though you may not feel social. Listen to uplifting music and hang out with your friends. Also, I do not know if you are a spiritual person, but there are some great books on Buddhism which teaches how to create a balance in your life using acceptance, letting go and awareness. You can find information o0n each of these spiritual practices on spiritualityandpractice.com Each of these steps can help you to let go of the anger which is only hurting you. Best of Luck, Grumps 1
Author lookingforbalance Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 Thanks for the replies. I have joined a gym that a friend of mine and my sister both use, so I will have support to start working out and sticking to it. Also, born and raised, and still a practicing catholic, but have taken an interest in Buddhism recently, thanks for the references. One more question, I have an electronic device worth about $250 that belongs to my former friend, her current boyfriend. My thought is to take it into work and drop it on her desk to give back to him. My thinking is two-fold: -I try to always do the right thing in any situation, and my instinct tells me that this device belongs to him, so it needs to be returned, no matter what he has done. -I feel that if I give it back through her, I establish my "space" at work, and send the message that she is not going to control my behavior at work. After this, I would avoid her and control the situation that way, in order for me to heal. Any thoughts on if this is a good idea to handle it this way? Thanks
love1336x Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 One day at a time. Eventually what you are feeling will fade...
Author lookingforbalance Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Thanks again for the kind words. I took the device I referenced above and went to her desk with it. She was sitting there, I handed it to her, and said: "I am sure you won't mind passing this along, thanks." I walked away without waiting for a reply. I think I needed to do that to show her that she had no power or control over me or my emotions. For some reason that is important to me. And I am OK with the minimal contact because I took another peice of my power back from her, and I didn't expect any reaction whatsoever. Thanks all for listening.
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