WrinkledForehead Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 (edited) I feel empowered. I've spent this last week loving me, caring for me. I picked up a few balls I dropped while juggling my life, and I've been doing well. I sent him an email telling him my door wouldn't be unlocked for him when he got home. I told him that I love him and miss him very much, and that I'd rather continue to get in touch via email when he gets back. No phone. I don't want to know his evening plans. I know he has his own things to catch up on when he gets home, and I want to continue with the productive path I've been on. I believe he will come to me, but in the meantime I will allow myself to focus on me, and him to himself. I am and have mostly always been satisfied with myself as a person, but the weight of the affair has distracted me from that. I want to be done with the heaviness of it all. I will only be with him without it. Edited September 22, 2013 by WrinkledForehead 5
happy stillmore Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Way to love yourself! It is good to see. I have learned if you can't be happy on your own, then there is no way you can be happy. Period. 1
Author WrinkledForehead Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 Way to love yourself! It is good to see. I have learned if you can't be happy on your own, then there is no way you can be happy. Period. I've always been happy on my own. I've never once been the type of female to seek happiness via a man. You know what it is? I remembered how absolutely lovely it is to have peaceful nights. I don't have a timeline for him. I don't have one for me. It won't be long until I'm at the place where I'll realize I have to let go and move on. And when it comes it comes. I don't believe I can grasp that right now, and it will be something I'll face head on when it happens. Until then, I'm no longer a mistress. And I AM me. Affairs are heavy. I've found my peace of mind since he's been gone and I'll be damned if I ever allow someone to take that fully from me. I cannot lose this contentment and so right now I'm focusing on how good it feels. 2
bentleychic Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Sounds like a wonderful place to be in, Wrinkled! I'm happy for you! 1
happy stillmore Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 You struck a chord with me when you said that you were happy to no longer be a mistress. You're right! I was still feeling down about the relationship I had with xMM but I can enjoy the thought that I am no longer a mistress. I am me. Awesome that I am, ME I have too admit that I really never knew life with my H in it. I was 18 when we met and dated throughout my college years while I was away at school and he lived at home. I didn't date for this reason.I must add that we met on the one year anniversary of my Mother's death. I was in a sad place at the time. I can't say I have ever been happy on my own without a man in my life. Now I know I can be on my own and happy with myself. No man needed!
Mount Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 There is no AFFAIR here (I did read your post about what is his reationship with his 15 years GF), no one is married or common-law. Just a guy try to have multiple women/girlfriends at the same time. Guess you just need to suck up since you are not able to walk away when he is having fun with multiple women, there is not rocky science or sacred meaning behind that, it happens every day, evey hour in real life. I've always been happy on my own. I've never once been the type of female to seek happiness via a man. You know what it is? I remembered how absolutely lovely it is to have peaceful nights. I don't have a timeline for him. I don't have one for me. It won't be long until I'm at the place where I'll realize I have to let go and move on. And when it comes it comes. I don't believe I can grasp that right now, and it will be something I'll face head on when it happens. Until then, I'm no longer a mistress. And I AM me. Affairs are heavy. I've found my peace of mind since he's been gone and I'll be damned if I ever allow someone to take that fully from me. I cannot lose this contentment and so right now I'm focusing on how good it feels.
Author WrinkledForehead Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 There is no AFFAIR here (I did read your post about what is his reationship with his 15 years GF), no one is married or common-law. Just a guy try to have multiple women/girlfriends at the same time. Guess you just need to suck up since you are not able to walk away when he is having fun with multiple women, there is not rocky science or sacred meaning behind that, it happens every day, evey hour in real life. I have no idea if you read the post but you sound miserable and unsupportive. Sorry you're having a tough day. 1
xxoo Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Wriinkled, it sounds like you are in an ideal place to know what you need, and settle for nothing less. Today is the first day of fall here, time to shed what is no longer useful to prepare for new growth. 1
Author WrinkledForehead Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 Yes. And lovely analogy.
Mount Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 That is too bad if my post sounds to be miserable and unsupportive for you, I just simply lay out the truth and fact, and also I did not ask you to leave the guy since you said you won't anyway or at least not right away. I certainly dont have tough day (just pls dont project yours upon others), it is a weekend that everyone enjoys. I am just saying in my previous post - it is not something strange or different, that one guy has two more GFs, and it is certainly legitimate as long as everyone in the circle chooses to keep this way. Nothing wrong at all! I have no idea if you read the post but you sound miserable and unsupportive. Sorry you're having a tough day.
Author WrinkledForehead Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 That is too bad if my post sounds to be miserable and unsupportive for you, I just simply lay out the truth and fact, and also I did not ask you to leave the guy since you said you won't anyway or at least not right away. I certainly dont have tough day (just pls dont project yours upon others), it is a weekend that everyone enjoys. I am just saying in my previous post - it is not something strange or different, that one guy has two more GFs, and it is certainly legitimate as long as everyone in the circle chooses to keep this way. Nothing wrong at all! Ah. So it's that you have reading comprehension issues, or like I said, you haven't read my posts.
Mount Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Yes I did read already, but as I SAID I am just laying out the fact /reality here, which is: 1) Even though you wrote that you are trying to love yourself, care for yourself, empower or whatever nice words here...etc etc., but in the end, nothing will change. Many many OWs here have written similar post again and again and again here, but action speaks more, and only actions matter. And I think as a guy/him, won't give up multiple women in his life, why would he? 2) Also pls understand I am not posting negatively at all, as it is almost the end of 2013, the world is changing, people mind changs, so nothing wrong for whatever you want to do with this guy. PLUS, he is not married or in common-law relationship. Which means either you need to find a way to make him be yours only, OR, just accept the situation - him back and forth between you and the other woman is the normality. Ah. So it's that you have reading comprehension issues, or like I said, you haven't read my posts.
Goodbye Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 I feel empowered. I've spent this last week loving me, caring for me. I picked up a few balls I dropped while juggling my life, and I've been doing well. I sent him an email telling him my door wouldn't be unlocked for him when he got home. I told him that I love him and miss him very much, and that I'd rather continue to get in touch via email when he gets back. No phone. I don't want to know his evening plans. I know he has his own things to catch up on when he gets home, and I want to continue with the productive path I've been on. I believe he will come to me, but in the meantime I will allow myself to focus on me, and him to himself. I am and have mostly always been satisfied with myself as a person, but the weight of the affair has distracted me from that. I want to be done with the heaviness of it all. I will only be with him without it. I have also found that stepping away from my R with exMM has allowed me to remember all the things I used to enjoy...stuff I forgot while waiting for phone calls or planning get aways. I think the most lasting road to peace is through self-love, and that usually means ditching the baggage (taken man). Sounds like you are on a good path.
Speakingofwhich Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 Yes!!!! Wrinkled, it seems you have come a very long ways emotionally in a relatively short period of time! I am so happy for you! You seem to be a strong, yet compassionate woman who realizes her worth!
2sunny Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I'm happy to read that you feel happy and content...and glad you are considering what makes you happy and fulfilled. When you described it as "empowering" I smiled to myself a little bit for you. Never settle - you deserve the best!
Author WrinkledForehead Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Thanks, guys! Today and tomorrow will be the challenge. This whole week, in fact. It is so very easy for us to just be together, and so now I have to pull out my best defenses to affair proof myself. You guys always say to do this to a M, but right now my focus is on making sure that I maintain being no part of an A, this A. He's always respected my wishes when I've asked for LC, and he respected it when I left him the first time. This is a bit different, as I haven't fully left. The only times he's gone against my wishes when he knows I'm having a difficult time, crying and such. Many times, if I'm upset, he'll stop through, pull my form up from the kitchen floor or off the couch. So, at all costs, I need to keep my moments of sadness to myself. Having children and school and work and tasks makes things easier. I'm not easily accessible and all these things keep me focused on what I'm going after that will benefit my life. I mentioned to him a few weeks ago, a moment in which I was reflective. I told him there were two things that had ultimately changed my life in 100% positive ways. These things are my children and my school. I give so much of myself to these things, freely and unconditonally, because they flourish with the TLC. So I focus there, and on my alone time, my beach walks, the times when I admire my own hands crafting a thing, when my mind solves a difficult puzzle. So I suppose that those are my strategies for the moment. I don't have some grand plan but I think that's okay. One breath at a time is an acceptable plan.
Speakingofwhich Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 You sound great, Wrinkled! I have been praying for you since you first posted and plan to continue. 3
KentuckyGent Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Way to love yourself! It is good to see. I have learned if you can't be happy on your own, then there is no way you can be happy. Period. I used to be but I have been "on my own" way too long.
Author WrinkledForehead Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Good for you, but Im still confused. You say you think soon you will be at a point where you can be done and moveon, but until then you wont be his OW. Well if you arent done and moving on, and still allow him email communication, then arent you atill OW (in an emotional affair)?? And he told you that he wont.come see you until he's single. So why would you then need to tell him your door wouldnt be left unlocked for him. He wouldnt be.coming by anyway since he hast broke up with his GF yet, right? Im glad you recognize the toxicity of the situation, but I see very little resolve in your words. The times where he literally had to come pick your body up off the kitchen floor, were your children home? You know you need to go NC with this man until he is fully single. That is the only solurion and is whats best for your children. I do see what you're saying but as I maintain a bit of hope, I am not at the point to go NC. So for now, yes, it can be considered an EA. I'm putting only feelers out, taking baby steps. I'm sure that if nothing happens the hope will dissipate and my resolve will begin to firm at that point. 1
letmoc Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I think you're going to be fine. I have a gut feeling that you two will not end up together, but you seem like an amazing person and it won't be long before you find the man you deserve. Good Luck 1
Author WrinkledForehead Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Its a good step, but the reality is that your only hope is to go NC. What is his response to what you told him? We've both agreed (in the past and present) that what is best is for him to come to me only as a single man. We suck at sticking to that long term. His distance because of vacation has helped in that regard, and so for myself I need to hold on to the focus I found during his absence.
BrokenPrincess Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Is he back now Wrinkled? Good luck, I hope the time away gave him some clarity too and he can take definitive action one way or another. Stay strong lady
2sunny Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 So you've stated your boundary. He's stated he intends to come to you when he's an available man. Did he give you an idea of when that may be?
Recommended Posts