SalchiPapa Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Ok, here it goes: I've known this girl for more than 2 years and although we started off as friends, it quickly escalated into somewhere between (FWB) "Friends with Benefits" and boyfriend/girlfriend. She has a daughter and lives her daughter's father (not married) for the sake of her daughter. She says she cares about him but isn't in love with him. I'm not naïve so I take it face value. I don't really ask her much about her daughter's father because I don't feel it's my place because we aren't in a committed relationship. Whenever we're together we have a really great time and great conversation. Whenever we're intimate precautions are taken. But the problem is that sometimes when we're supposed to meet she either gets sick or had a change in her work schedule. Sometimes I think she just "Flakes out" on me a bit.. I sometimes think she's blowing me off but 95% of the time she'll want to re-schedule for different day within the week that we're supposed to meet. We usually see each other on weekdays/weeknights for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, with or without her daughter. I don't really think she's lying about being sick because I know she sees a doctor for some minor medical issues but sometimes I believe she's a bit of a hypochondriac.. Plus, if she was blowing me off why would she reschedule for another day? On my side I have no commitments to anyone but to my kids - I am divorced with a couple kids. I go out almost every weekend with my friends and have a great time but by the end of the weekend I will miss her. My friends think I have the best of both worlds because I see this really pretty girl sporadically with no commitment and go out on the weekends with them. They tell me how lucky I am! But the truth is that it does get old because I do have feelings for her and she has them for me (so she has told me many times). We have crossed FWB barrier because we do speak of feelings and stuff but aren't at the BF/GF status.. I sometimes try to back off from her and give her (and me) some space but she immediately picks up on it and assures me that she wants me in her life. Because there are emotions involved it makes this harder for me to figure out so any input would be great. Thanks
Syconort Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 I'll just describe a similar experience. I was seeing a women 15 years my senior who was separated from her children's father. One day he somehow found a way to get into contact with me and asked me what the hell I thought I was doing? After a heated discussion (with them both, separately) it became clear she was still having sex with him while she was seeing me. We had a very passionate thing going and there was a definite connection. My first question would be does her x have a girlfriend? Or is he single, horny, and hanging around the house all day?
Author SalchiPapa Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Thanks for the reply. I am not sure if her daughter's dad has a gf or what he has. They live together - for the sake of their daughter - but she isn't in love with him. That's what she tells me but since I am not that naïve I just take it at face value. Plus, I don't feel it is my place to ask her too many questions because she isn't my gf and I don't see her on a regular basis. I don't want to ask too many questions because I feel it will open up Pandora's box...
Syconort Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 I understand you might not be bf/gf, but try to find out his relationship status. She might not be in love with him, but it is far too easy for a woman (or man) to sleep with their x, especially when they have children together AND they live together! If he's single I'd be very sceptical and suspicious. I mean, do they sleep in separate rooms? Do you really want to walk into such a relationship where she'll forever live with her x throughout? She's smart so she'll fully understand your concerns.
Author SalchiPapa Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 The way I understand "their" relationship is that they're living together for the sake of their daughter. I never asked about the sleeping arrangements or long term plans with him. She has never asked me about my plans about what I do or who I do it with when we're not together.... The one thing I do know is that when I do see her she tells him that she is going out with "me" for the day/night or whatever.. So maybe they have an open-relationship. I don't know.. I guess since I have stronger feelings lately I should bring it up soon. I need to be honest with myself.
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