Gurleymom Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Hi im so glad to stumble upon this site. I need a little advice on my actions. I dated a guy who was very controlling in college. I moved on and got married and so did he. About three years ago my marriage was very close to ending and the only reason it didnt was because my spouse wanted to work it out. I ended up running into the ex at church. He was going through the same but had left his marriage. At the time I was so blind and it was new and he was trying to be everything I needed in a man. He turned out to be a controlling narcissist. He wanted me to leave my marriage but showrd signs of trying to control what his wife he left did and tried to do the same to me. I eventually told him not to contact me. This made him aggressive and he would pop up on my job if I didnt talk to him. I felt like the only thing I could do was threaten to tell his wife becuz he was going too far and she had called me once over seeing some calls from him to me that were back to back. I didnt say anything at the time but I regretted not saying anything because he blamed me for the contacting impulsively... She sent a sacastic text and I let her know that I only kept quiet because I didnt want to be blamed for their marriage ending and him coming after me causing problems in my marriage that was fine and back on track. About two days ago hr sent me a message at 11:53 pm at night that said Just Thinking!!!! So I sent it to her with a message that said Im not your problem. He is your problem... Now he is sending messages saying I destroyed his family. He doesnt see that his actions stirred this up. But I had a choice I could have ignored the email. When ive ignored his emails calls or text in the past he becomes more aggressive. It wss easier to pacify him by answering his calls or tecting back saying..yes im fine have a great day... Was I wrong for sending the email?
whichwayisup Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 You better go ahead now and tell your husband before they do and trust me, they will. You blew up her world by telling her about your A with her husband, so she in turn, or he will in turn, contact your H. Sorry I don't want to scare you or upset you but the reality is, by telling, you can't control their reaction or the outcome of this. By taking the chance and helping ruin their marriage, you need to accept your part in this. Sorry but you're not the innocent victim in all this, his wife is and so is your husband. both you and this MM played with fire and now the consquences are being felt. I hope your find it in you to come clean to your husband.
Author Gurleymom Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 You better go ahead now and tell your husband before they do and trust me, they will. You blew up her world by telling her about your A with her husband, so she in turn, or he will in turn, contact your H. Sorry I don't want to scare you or upset you but the reality is, by telling, you can't control their reaction or the outcome of this. By taking the chance and helping ruin their marriage, you need to accept your part in this. Sorry but you're not the innocent victim in all this, his wife is and so is your husband. both you and this MM played with fire and now the consquences are being felt. I hope your find it in you to come clean to your husband. Let me clarify. She knew he was "friends" with a eoman and found it to be a little more from some emails he never deleted. He didnt deny it to her so she wasnt surprised. I just felt like she was trying to blame me when the messages and calls clwarly showed he was reaching out and being turned down by me. When she called about his excessive back to bavk calls and act like I was the blame I told her I will show u who is keeping the mess stirred up next time he emails me... But thank u you are right. I am not the victim. Thanks for that reality check cause I needed it.
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