alexjames Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 I have recently been seeing this girl, 2 weeksago we decided we'd become bf and gf (I'm 21 and she's 18). We have said we are going to take it really slowly. Her mum is really protective and only lets her out for a couple of hours here and there and never at night (I work every weekday till 9, so it's really hard to ever see her). We have kissed a lot while we've been out in my car etc, but we have said (because she is still a virgin and I don't want to rush her) that anything ''more'' will be in the distant future. The thing is though, her mum has said she isn't allowed to stay round mine for months (possibly even a year) and she isn't even allowed round mine at night to watch a DVD etc. I really like her and have really fallen for her and want a future with her, but how slow is too slow? I just feel that her mum might come between us (I met her Yesterday and she told my gf that I seemed a lovely guy) but I just feel she may be too protective and that it's going to be hard to form a really strong relationship and bond, as all relationships have to develop into more eventually.
Syconort Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 How old is she, 18 or 12? She's the one who should be insisting her mum stay out of it. You could ask her nicely to have a word with her mum, or you could go round to her house more and make an impression. Yes, if this isn't nipped in the bud her mum will get in the way! Her adult relationships are absolutely nothing to do with her mum.
Author alexjames Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 I was afraid of a reply like that! The thing is though, my GF think her mum is just being really sweet and kind etc being this protective, and the last thing I want to do is go and start bad mouthing her mum to her. She uses the fact that she is the only daughter of 4 kids that she is so protective. It's really hard. I don't want to say anything and upset her or her mum, but I don't know how it's going to work out in the long run
Syconort Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 (edited) I wouldn't necessarily suggest you bad mouth her mum, or talk negative in any way about her. You're right, she's just being protective, but she is also putting her nose where it doesn't belong..and someone, you or her, are going to eventually have to tell her mum to mind her own business if she doesn't do the mature thing and back off. Nothing worse than interfering parents. What I'd do is win her mum's heart if I were mad about the girl. She might not be able to go out much, but can you spend time with her at her house? If so, do that as often as possible and become familiar with the family. If you're a nice guy, her mum will warm to you. I'd only insist her mum mind her own business if I'd been seeing the girl for a while (say a few months) and she was STILL interfering. This really comes down to an inevitable conversation only she can have with her mum that begins "mum, I'm 18, you're going to have to let go and let me live my own life". Edited September 21, 2013 by Syconort
happywithlife Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Does your GF live with her mum? If so, it doesn't matter if she is legally and adult. When you live w/ your parents (especially if you live rent free) you follow their rules. I am in my mid-thirties and my kids and I moves back in with my parents so I could have support going back to school. While here, I follow their rules. My boyfriend only spends the night when my kids are at their dad's one day a week. That said, as adults, the two of you could respectfully approach her mum about having more freedom with your dates. You could probably come up with a working compromise that works for the moment. And the more you respect the mum's boundaries, the faster your gf can obtain additional freedoms. Trust me when I say, the more you follow the rules, the more trust someone gives you.
happywithlife Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Does your GF live with her mum? If so, it doesn't matter if she is legally and adult. When you live w/ your parents (especially if you live rent free) you follow their rules. I am in my mid-thirties and my kids and I moved back in with my parents so I could have support going back to school. While here, I follow their rules. My boyfriend only spends the night when my kids are at their dad's one day a week. That said, as adults, the two of you could respectfully approach her mum about having more freedom with your dates. You could probably come up with a working compromise that works for the moment. And the more you respect the mum's boundaries, the faster your gf can obtain additional freedoms. Trust me when I say, the more you follow the rules, the more trust someone gives you.
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