tiredofthinkingofyou Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 I hate this. It's driving me crazy. He left me 2 1/2 months ago after almost 2 1/2 years. He claimed that one of the many reasons for our breakup is that we had nothing in common anymore. Now I'm kicking myself that during the relationship I didn't make more of an effort to get into the same things as him. The problem is though that he's always been more of an introverted person. Most of his friends he met online through gaming, and then he has his one best friend who he's known forever who he would actually hang out with. I always felt threatened by his friendship with him because I feel like he would always only share things with him, which would therefore allow their relationship to flourish, and not ours. For example, with tv shows, he would discover a new show, such as Breaking Bad or The Walking Dead, start watching it with his friend, and then tell me I should watch it too. But he wouldn't watch it with me. He would just expect me to find time in my busy schedule to do things like this. Plus, I would also feel like I would be interfering on his friend time so I would just back off instead. Had I known this would eventually be something that would lead to our demise, of course I wouldn't have acted that way. Another thing is that during the relationship I always had trust issues, and that took a huge toll on us too. It was like, I really trusted him and knew he wouldn't do anything to hurt me, but at the same time, I was so terrified of being left for "someone better" that I would start problems anyway. He didn't mention this AT ALL when breaking up with me but I still can't help but feel like this played into it too. I just hate myself so much right now because I feel like I lost the best thing that's ever happened to me because I messed up so bad. It's been this long since the break up and I'm not getting any better. I don't know what to do or how to make this stop =[ Everyone (parents, friends, coworkers, my counselor) keep telling me "it takes two to tango" and that he had his own issues as well (such as communication: if he was angry with me or upset he would give me the silent treatment and expect me to just figure out why he was mad) and that eventually it wouldn't have worked out anyway but I still can't stop feeling like it was all my fault because during the breakup he said he was "miserable" and that stung so bad. I feel like I destroyed him over time or something. I don't even know what to feel anymore. Side note: we've been no contact for about a month now. Any contact after the breakup was initiated by him, once just checking on me (which I told him I was okay even though I wasn't because I didn't want to get rejected again, and now I regret that too because I know I just ended up taking guilt away from him) and the next was a game request via text. I didn't say happy birthday to him last week, and as of last Saturday, my friend told me he still has our picture up as his profile picture. I have him blocked on Facebook. I just don't know how to deal with this anymore. Sorry for rambling =[
ebor Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Never been in a LTR but I don't think the first option when you get a problem is just break up, Have you guys actually tried to have common interests, Hobbies aren't part of us they can be changed rather easily and I also think you have every right to be threatened by his best friend, I think it's normal to have insecurities and trust issues, IF you have told him that I think he should have put more effort into reassuring you that you come first.
Author tiredofthinkingofyou Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Never been in a LTR but I don't think the first option when you get a problem is just break up, Have you guys actually tried to have common interests, Hobbies aren't part of us they can be changed rather easily and I also think you have every right to be threatened by his best friend, I think it's normal to have insecurities and trust issues, IF you have told him that I think he should have put more effort into reassuring you that you come first. Yea these are both things that had been discussed throughout the relationship. We had all the big important things in common, such as views on kids, marriage, sex, politics, travel, where we wanted to live, morals, etc. But I guess to him that just wasn't enough. I tried to make an effort to have things in common with him but I also felt like I would be taking away his friend time so I tried to leave things for them. I just feel like I screwed everything up.
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