What kind of man does this?

[writergal]

OP, I think the title of your thread should be "what kind of woman does this?" because you seem to be a willing participant in this on-going affair you're having with your friend's husband (and right under her nose too by going to her house when he's there).

 

So what advice do you need exactly? You're having an affair with your best friend's husband. Um, here's my advice: dump the friendship if you want to keep having wild sex with her husband, OR, dump the husband, ruin their marriage, and go to the nearest therapist's office who specializes in sex addiction....because that's what it sounds like you have.

 

I know Gwyneth Paltrow's new movie "Thanks for Sharing" about sex addiction came out.

 

So uh, "thanks for sharing" here, but I don't know what kind of advice you think you need, based on the fact that you don't apologize for your behavior and don't seem to care that you're ruining your friendship with a woman by having an affair with her husband.

[threelaurels]

The thought of them having sex used to bother me but it doesn't anymore, and its so few and far between I actually encourage her to work on it because I do want their marriage to last and it's getting less and less.

 

Why would you want your friend to stay in a marriage when it's clear that her husband has no respect for her at all? Doesn't she deserve better than a husband who treats her the way you described in this post?

[writergal]

Not too mention that your poor husband has no clue about your affair either. Seriously, what advice do you want? Why post here if you don't care whose lives you ruin, because you clearly don't care.

[underwater2010]

Again....why in the heck are you spending time around your MOM and his family. This is not going to end pretty. The reason you are so confused is you have not gone NC with him. You need to go NC in order to clear your head!!!!

[rae_lana]

OP, I think the title of your thread should be "what kind of woman does this?" because you seem to be a willing participant in this on-going affair you're having with your friend's husband (and right under her nose too by going to her house when he's there).

 

So what advice do you need exactly? You're having an affair with your best friend's husband. Um, here's my advice: dump the friendship if you want to keep having wild sex with her husband, OR, dump the husband, ruin their marriage, and go to the nearest therapist's office who specializes in sex addiction....because that's what it sounds like you have.

 

I know Gwyneth Paltrow's new movie "Thanks for Sharing" about sex addiction came out.

 

So uh, "thanks for sharing" here, but I don't know what kind of advice you think you need, based on the fact that you don't apologize for your behavior and don't seem to care that you're ruining your friendship with a woman by having an affair with her husband.

 

I ALMOST did name it what kind of people do this? But I left, I don't reply and I specifically stated.. I was excited and liked it, but didn't want to like it! I was ashamed of myself. I left. I never replied once and I haven't today either.

 

The advice I need is more telling me what I already know about him and me.. I'm more trying to distract myself to be honest. I just want something to click in side my head where I find him disgusting ..

[whatatangledweb]

I would say he gets off on the thrill of it. It has nothing to do with caring about you. He gets a rush from doing it with all those people around. He appears to not see how disrespectful it is to his wife, family, and you.

[Mascara]

.. The things he says to me make me feel like he cares about me and I know everyone here is disgusted, I should be, but my mind is so much like his.. The difference is I know it's wrong and its starting to make me feel awkward, and he still likes that its wrong.

 

Yeah, he doesn't though. He just gets a sexual thrill from doing it in front of his wife, and you're simply the thing that enables that. You said yourself, he likes that it's wrong. He's the worst kind of man to have an affair with, because it's simply the act of having an affair that excites him. You could be anyone.

 

As to why he's pursuing, again you answered that yourself. Because he's not getting a response. A snake will whisper sweet nothings in your ear until he gets you to eat the apple.

 

You can choose to believe he means it if you like. It'd be better for you if you walked away from his silly games though.

[mammasita]

Hmmmmm, a cheater perhaps?

[Red Wolverine]

Yikes...

 

What an effin weird deal...I dont know how some of you all pull this shyt off..I wouldnt have balls big enough to accept that invite, texts or no texts..

 

TFY

 

You really need to give your name to the OP.

[Red Wolverine]

I was invited over yesterday to my friends house.. her husband is my OM for those that don't know. His family was there too, cousins and sisters, we all just hung out and had a fire.. No kids.

While sitting around with his wife and family he sent me texts that I looked beautiful, that he wanted to bend me over the kitchen table.. Stuff like that.. Sweet things, then raunchy, then back too sweet like, you have the best laugh... With his wife and family sitting right next to me!

I didn't reply, but he knew it was getting me excited (I hate admitting that but I was at the time) I was also incredibly confused though. Does he get off on seeing my facial expressions during times like this or why does he do it.. I have no replied to anything he's sent me the last few days. After I went home he asked if he could come over. With his whole family visiting his house! He wanted to sneak away to see me. Is he losing it? Or is it mind games to get me to reply?

I didn't. But I wanted to really bad and almost did.

 

He's disgusting. There is nothing remotely respectful about his behavior. Excited? That would come to a crashing halt if your husband or his wife saw the texts.

 

He's chasing and you're loving it. This is beyond sick.

[AlwaysGrowing]

You have been advised numerous times on how to end it. Expose it.

 

You have also made it a huge point that no one will ever find out. This reeks of of getting caught. So blatant, so "in your face"...and you sit there...admittedly enjoying it all. Actually not just enjoying, but getting sexual pleasure of the disrespect being dumped on his wife, kids and family...not to mention yours.

 

Do you ever read what you post..of how you feel.

 

You get sexual pleasure out of hurting this whole house full of people that you claim to love/like/admire/feel apart of.

 

Let that sink in. Then get professional help.

[waytogo]

A few people have mentioned the competition with my husband.

My husband wasn't there, and me and him and his wife are alone more in general than with my husband so I've wondered if its more him trying to make competition between me and her.. I don't feel in competition with her but maybe I did at the start.

He's done similar things with my husband around though. Once they went on a guys trip with a bunch of other guys.. He texted and sent me pictures throughout it. In comparison my own husband sent me maybe one or two things on the three day trip.. Me and his wife spent that weekend together.. He sent his wife nothing, not one message or picture and sent me over twenty.

It's not me.. It's the competition for him?

Other times he won't contact me for days at a time.

 

I'm sorry I'm going to be posting a lot today I think because I've got three texts from him in the last half hour and I could reply any second and I really don't want to! I just want to be as disgusted as I'm supposed to be. I don't want to like this kind of attention but I still do.

 

 

Rae, you have taken some hits here. I admit your posts do have me scratching my head some. You stated you are posting here to help you not respond to him. I give you credit for that. We all struggle with what we should do verses what we want to do at times. There were days I thought I'd rather shoot myself in the head than not smoke a cigarette. I decided one option was as good as the next and put the gun and the carton aside. It's still hard sometimes.

 

I agree with those that find the situation distasteful. Maybe if Rae's posting experience here could be a little more positive, the attention here will be more appealing than empty texts that are destructive to numerous people. Anyone agree we should cheer her on while she admits his attention is hard to resist, but she is trying?

[scatterd]

You really need to stay away from both of them. He is getting careless and cockey. This is when a person gets caught. You crossed the line with your friendship when you slept with her husband. He may have tried the same thing with some other friends of hers and you was the one that fell for it. I was best friends with this woman for years her husband came on to me and I told him to stop or I would tell. He did not so I told her. She wanted to beleive he did not but he did. Anyway we ended up not being best friends anymore. I am sure he done this with her friend before me and he most likely is doing it with her friend now. Men like this do it for the thrill of cheating not for love or anything else.A real friend does not sleep with their husband. I did not because I cherished our friendship and would never hurt her plus what kind of jerk does this to his wife.

[Red Wolverine]

Rae, you have taken some hits here. I admit your posts do have me scratching my head some. You stated you are posting here to help you not respond to him. I give you credit for that. We all struggle with what we should do verses what we want to do at times. There were days I thought I'd rather shoot myself in the head than not smoke a cigarette. I decided one option was as good as the next and put the gun and the carton aside. It's still hard sometimes.

 

I agree with those that find the situation distasteful. Maybe if Rae's posting experience here could be a little more positive, the attention here will be more appealing than empty texts that are destructive to numerous people. Anyone agree we should cheer her on while she admits his attention is hard to resist, but she is trying?

 

I respectfully disagree. I believe she wants us to tell her it's all him, she's just a victim.

 

She can't control what he does but she sure can control her reaction. It's obvious she doesn't want this to stop. She loves the attention from him.

 

I can't help her. She has to want it to stop. I don't see that.

[waytogo]

I respectfully disagree. I believe she wants us to tell her it's all him, she's just a victim.

 

She can't control what he does but she sure can control her reaction. It's obvious she doesn't want this to stop. She loves the attention from him.

 

I can't help her. She has to want it to stop. I don't see that.

 

I like your posts and perspectives Red. Thank you for the 'respectfully' when you disagree with me

[rae_lana]

I respectfully disagree. I believe she wants us to tell her it's all him, she's just a victim.

 

She can't control what he does but she sure can control her reaction. It's obvious she doesn't want this to stop. She loves the attention from him.

 

I can't help her. She has to want it to stop. I don't see that.

 

I don't feel like I'm the victim in this and have not asked anyone to say or think that I am. I do love the attention from him.. You don't think that, you know it because I've said as much.

I like the attention!

 

I also get turned on by it.

 

I specifically stated that. That doesn't mean I'm happy about that. I want not to WANT it.. I want to be disgusted I want to be the person I was before it happened, that person would never have done this.

[rae_lana]

Rae, you have taken some hits here. I admit your posts do have me scratching my head some. You stated you are posting here to help you not respond to him. I give you credit for that. We all struggle with what we should do verses what we want to do at times. There were days I thought I'd rather shoot myself in the head than not smoke a cigarette. I decided one option was as good as the next and put the gun and the carton aside. It's still hard sometimes.

 

I agree with those that find the situation distasteful. Maybe if Rae's posting experience here could be a little more positive, the attention here will be more appealing than empty texts that are destructive to numerous people. Anyone agree we should cheer her on while she admits his attention is hard to resist, but she is trying?

 

Some of the hits have been good. When I first posted here I thought I was a sociopath or something because I felt little to no guilt about any of this.. I feel tremendous guilt every day now. It helps to hear what people say.

 

Although I'll admit right now, I have three texts in a row from him all being sweet and loving to me and it hard to not talk to him because I want to talk to someone and have nobody else I can about this.. So I could come here to distract myself and be judged left and right, or reply to him and have him tell me how wonderful I am.

 

Him saying that to me is starting to feel empty though and that's what I need I guess.

[waytogo]

:laugh::laugh:

 

I think you have a perspective that is likely related to your socioeconomic and educational condition. You probably think OM's behavior is cute because it validates you.

 

I am not certain any psychiatric treatment can change this. This is your personality and nothing can change that.

 

My turn to respectively disagree with someone

People can and do change. When I look at some changes I made at different times in my life, I know this. There was real work for some of those changes. I like me much more for having done so. Most others do as well. Some like me less because I wouldn't stay down where they were. I accept that with no regrets.

[rae_lana]

You have been advised numerous times on how to end it. Expose it.

 

You have also made it a huge point that no one will ever find out. This reeks of of getting caught. So blatant, so "in your face"...and you sit there...admittedly enjoying it all. Actually not just enjoying, but getting sexual pleasure of the disrespect being dumped on his wife, kids and family...not to mention yours.

 

Do you ever read what you post..of how you feel.

 

You get sexual pleasure out of hurting this whole house full of people that you claim to love/like/admire/feel apart of.

 

Let that sink in. Then get professional help.

 

I don't get sexual pleasure from hurting anyone. No other guy could stir up these feelings in me, I have never never met someone like him, but he's gone so far and I was right there with him eating it up for almost a year now I'm questioning everything he does. I feel stupid and ashamed.

[rae_lana]

:laugh::laugh:

 

I think you have a perspective that is likely related to your socioeconomic and educational condition. You probably think OM's behavior is cute because it validates you.

 

I am not certain any psychiatric treatment can change this. This is your personality and nothing can change that.

 

That made it sound like I thought the "bend you over the table was sweet. I didn't think that was sweet.. His texts went back and forth from sweet to raunchy as if he was trying to see which got me to reply and he was watching me the whole time, probably judging my reactions.

 

I don't think anything can change me either but I'm hoping,

[rae_lana]

"Thought about u all night. I feel like you're pissed at me about something what's wrong"

 

Last text from him ten minutes ago.

[underwater2010]

"Thought about u all night. I feel like you're pissed at me about something what's wrong"

 

Last text from him ten minutes ago.

If you want him to stop texting just give him a warning...."Any more texts, emails etc I will expose everything to your wife. I have keep all the communication from you so you will not be able to deny anything."

 

Bet he backs off real quick.

[rae_lana]

If you want him to stop texting just give him a warning...."Any more texts, emails etc I will expose everything to your wife. I have keep all the communication from you so you will not be able to deny anything."

 

Bet he backs off real quick.

 

I haven't replied at all. I've never not replied to him ever. I think if I reply I'll just get sucked in and we'll text all day.

[waytogo]

Some of the hits have been good. When I first posted here I thought I was a sociopath or something because I felt little to no guilt about any of this.. I feel tremendous guilt every day now. It helps to hear what people say.

 

Although I'll admit right now, I have three texts in a row from him all being sweet and loving to me and it hard to not talk to him because I want to talk to someone and have nobody else I can about this.. So I could come here to distract myself and be judged left and right, or reply to him and have him tell me how wonderful I am.

 

Him saying that to me is starting to feel empty though and that's what I need I guess.

 

You are on your way dear

You don't mind hearing what's wrong with the situation and you don't want to want his attention. I have faith in you to feel everything that is right about exiting the situation.

 

When I was pulling away from xMM, the attention and gifts came in spades! He knew he was loosing me and really tried everything short of legitimizing the situation. Looking back, nothing would make that situation legitimate anyway. It was wrong start to finish. I did the wrong thing and know what it feels like to be truly sorry. I sense you may be coming to that place, even if you're not all the way there yet.

 

There's good and bad in all of us. You'll reach more of the good in you and feel a lot better than you do now.

[underwater2010]

I haven't replied at all. I've never not replied to him ever. I think if I reply I'll just get sucked in and we'll text all day.

It is a basic way of letting him know that you are done with the affair. It is a small NO CONTACT text.