What kind of man does this?

[rae_lana]

wow, what a thread.

 

what i see is a women who is self aware but could care less.

she says the words, but they have no meaning.

uses shades of grey to camouflage her every move.

she prefers to lip sink rather than sing the song.

blames others for not understanding her own past that she herself does not.

is afraid of the present so remains in her made up past which will never see the future.

most importantly she has the ability to admit... but has no shame.

 

as i read this thread i feel just as played as the betrayed spouses.

best of luck to you Rae

 

Yes! I am aware and can see what's wrong but I don't have the guts to fix it or be honest with people. I know.

 

I do have shame.

[rae_lana]

So where were your kids while you were in the shop with him most of the night? Alone in the house?

 

My husband and the kids are away for the weekend. They've never been in my care when I'm with the other guy. I'm sure eventually would have crosses that line, but it's one I haven't yet.

[rae_lana]

Why is this? I never understood why people do this when explaining their situation? What does being attractive have anything to do with being in an A?

 

I agree. I've never brought up how I look except when I was asked to describe things with more detail and to explain that that's not what I'm looking for.. I'm not looking for someone to be sexually attracted to me.. I already have that.

[writergal]

wow, what a thread.

 

what i see is a women who is self aware but could care less.

she says the words, but they have no meaning.

uses shades of grey to camouflage her every move.

she prefers to lip sink rather than sing the song.

blames others for not understanding her own past that she herself does not.

is afraid of the present so remains in her made up past which will never see the future.

most importantly she has the ability to admit... but has no shame.

 

as i read this thread i feel just as played as the betrayed spouses.

best of luck to you Rae

 

Very poetic and spot-on summary.

[writergal]

Yes! I am aware and can see what's wrong but I don't have the guts to fix it or be honest with people. I know.

 

I do have shame.

 

Um...no, you don't.

[rae_lana]

Five times a week?

 

That means OM is getting sloppy seconds.

 

You need to stop this.

 

Again.. I agree I need to stop it.

 

I've only had intercourse with OM one time almost a year ago.. We tend to do things together our spouses don't like, or that we enjoy better with each other.. Kissing a lot.

 

Also.. This makes OM look even worse, but "sloppy seconds" would not bother him it would excite him.

[rae_lana]

Um...no, you don't.

 

What would you call it then? Feeling disgusted in myself and sick about it? It doesn't make mr stop but I am horribly ashamed of it.

[bentleychic]

Again.. I agree I need to stop it.

 

I've only had intercourse with OM one time almost a year ago.. We tend to do things together our spouses don't like, or that we enjoy better with each other.. Kissing a lot.

 

Also.. This makes OM look even worse, but "sloppy seconds" would not bother him it would excite him.

That's disgusting.

[rae_lana]

Not to mention as much as the MM sounds like he's been "sharing his love" over the years, god only knows how many std's you're sharing with your poor husband. I don't think that's one of the "marital assets" that you're supposed to share.

 

Neither of us have std's. But I made him wear protection regardless.

[bentleychic]

Neither of us have std's. But I made him wear protection regardless.

Did you know that HPV is very easily passed through intercourse and the majority of people who have ever had more than one partner most likely have it? It's not testable on men to see if they are carriers. If you have an abnormal pap/cells, you most likely have HPV (not always, but most likely). This can turn in to cancer (again, not always, but it's possible). It is a STD, but b/c it is so common (*twitch*), it does not seem "taboo" like most STD's do. If one of you have/had it, you'll pass it on to your partner. If he had it, he gave it to you and his wife AND you gave it to your husband. The likelihood of this, since your MM has been "around the block" multiple times is very, very, VERY high.

[rae_lana]

That's disgusting.

 

Ya.. Not my thing :/

Not when the other person is unaware anyway.

We both consider ourselves attracted to both genders. OM is probably attracted to my husband as much as I am to his wife too.

 

Look I get most people find that disgusting, but that's the exact reason I live so much of my life in secret. Because I'm called disgusting. My husband and his wife have made it impossible for us to tell them what we want. Did they deserve this?? Absolutely not. But there's a lot to this.

[bentleychic]

Couldn't add quick enough.

 

It is not really "treatable", just has to go away on it's own, but if it's a more aggressive strain, it can turn in to cancer. It's also transmittable through oral sex.

[rae_lana]

Couldn't add quick enough.

 

It is not really "treatable", just has to go away on it's own, but if it's a more aggressive strain, it can turn in to cancer. It's also transmittable through oral sex.

 

Yes, I know what it is.

[writergal]

Again.. I agree I need to stop it.

I've only had intercourse with OM one time almost a year ago.. We tend to do things together our spouses don't like, or that we enjoy better with each other.. Kissing a lot.

 

Also.. This makes OM look even worse, but "sloppy seconds" would not bother him it would excite him.

 

Again...you have written multiple times in all of your 12 threads about this affair that you have no intention of stopping the actual affair, that you can't go no contact with him, that you don't want to lose contact with him.

 

So your post above is a moot point as a result. Plus, you've admitted on your multiple threads here that you don't tell the truth. So why do you keep professing what you think your anonymous public (the posters who are following your 12 threads on LS) want to hear?

 

We know you won't stop the affair, so telling us that you want to, is kind of pointless.

 

If you want to get support for people who want open relationships then you probably need to find organizations (whatever those are) which support that lifestyle, because really, your problem is that you want a different lifestyle than what you chose when you got married to your husband. THAT is the crux of your problem.

 

The affair is a symptom of your need to be a swinger and have multiple sex partners, correct? Otherwise, what valid reason can you provide for pursuing the affair? (The reasons you've written about for the affair so far are more justifications rather than actual reasons.) So, in essence, you won't end your affair because it fulfills that open sex partner lifestyle need you have for 24/7 external validation and sex with your friend's husband which is thrilling for you. Otherwise you wouldn't have pursued the affair in the first place.

 

What kind of support do you need? Acceptance of the alternative lifestyle that you want? Or help in rationalizing a way for you to stay in your affair (which you plan to do anyway) and avoid having you and this other man be discovered? Because you've had 12 threads, 12 THREADS of advice and yet the affair problem persists.

[writergal]

What would you call it then? Feeling disgusted in myself and sick about it? It doesn't make mr stop but I am horribly ashamed of it.

 

It's narcissism. That's what I'd call what you suffer from. None of your posts...none illustrate any true remorse on your part. None.

 

Shame -- true shame -- would prevent you from continuing the affair. It would motivate you to actually follow through on your conviction to end the affair (but you don't want to end the affair).

[rae_lana]

Again...you have written multiple times in all of your 12 threads about this affair that you have no intention of stopping the actual affair, that you can't go no contact with him, that you don't want to lose contact with him.

 

So your post above is a moot point as a result. Plus, you've admitted on your multiple threads here that you don't tell the truth. So why do you keep professing what you think your anonymous public (the posters who are following your 12 threads on LS) want to hear?

 

We know you won't stop the affair, so telling us that you want to, is kind of pointless.

 

If you want to get support for people who want open relationships then you probably need to find organizations (whatever those are) which support that lifestyle, because really, your problem is that you want a different lifestyle than what you chose when you got married to your husband. THAT is the crux of your problem.

 

The affair is a symptom of your need to be a swinger and have multiple sex partners, correct? Otherwise, what valid reason can you provide for pursuing the affair? (The reasons you've written about for the affair so far are more justifications rather than actual reasons.) So, in essence, you won't end your affair because it fulfills that open sex partner lifestyle need you have for 24/7 external validation and sex with your friend's husband which is thrilling for you. Otherwise you wouldn't have pursued the affair in the first place.

 

What kind of support do you need? Acceptance of the alternative lifestyle that you want? Or help in rationalizing a way for you to stay in your affair (which you plan to do anyway) and avoid having you and this other man be discovered? Because you've had 12 threads, 12 THREADS of advice and yet the affair problem persists.

 

I don't get what people expect.

 

The first thing I ever posted here I intended to go on with the affair in secret forever.

 

I don't anymore.

 

I don't know how to change over night.

 

The people here have helped me a lot even if it doesn't seem that way.

[rae_lana]

It's narcissism. That's what I'd call what you suffer from. None of your posts...none illustrate any true remorse on your part. None.

 

Shame -- true shame -- would prevent you from continuing the affair. It would motivate you to actually follow through on your conviction to end the affair (but you don't want to end the affair).

 

Ok, that makes sense.

If I'm a narcissist can I get help for that?

[writergal]

If your true nature isn't to be the platonic life-partner that your husband thinks he married, then you really need to divorce him so he can find a woman who isn't bi-sexual, who won't cheat on him, who will fulfill his needs in genuine ways as opposed to what you are doing; hiding your true self, your true nature and your true motivations.

 

Time to come out of the closet and set things right.

[bentleychic]

I'll be honest, the more I read, the more that I really, really hope this is all just fictitious. It's too scary to think about the innocent children and spouses involved in this crazy scenario. I know that NO affair is okay nor good, but this one really blows me away.

[writergal]

Ok, that makes sense.

If I'm a narcissist can I get help for that?

 

If you've already been to therapy, then you know that you can.

[aliveagain]

I am still trying to understand how a woman who is willing to have children with a man become someone that will allow another man to disrespect and humiliate him without defending him, than confess to getting sexually turned on by it. I don't think this is normal, someone is going to get hurt(physically) as they escalate their game. There are children involved, what if one of them sees you and O/M coming out of your husbands shop at 1:00 in the morning, how will you explain that?

Edited September 22, 2013 by aliveagain

[rae_lana]

I'll be honest, the more I read, the more that I really, really hope this is all just fictitious. It's too scary to think about the innocent children and spouses involved in this crazy scenario. I know that NO affair is okay nor good, but this one really blows me away.

 

This isn't fictitious at all. I'm going crazy inside my head over all of this.

To be clear, my kids are happy and healthy and I work and support them, cook, clean and take care of my home like any other mother and wife does. The majority of this drama is in my head .. and then I started this affair and kept it just for me.. Not telling a soul and yes.. It feels like im watching someone else's life now. Or a movie.

But it's really happening.

[rae_lana]

If you've already been to therapy, then you know that you can.

 

I've seen counsellors before yes, but all years and years ago and narrsisism wasn't brought up at all. Therapy before was supposed to help deal with trauma I was through and I could never tell the full truth so it didn't really help.

 

Writing here has helped more than anything else ever has. I am waiting to get into a new therapist if we can get approved for the cost.

[rae_lana]

I am still trying to understand how a woman who is willing to have children with a man become someone that will allow another man to disrespect and humiliate him without defending him, than confess to getting sexually turned on by it. I don't think this is normal, someone is going to get hurt(physically) as they escalate their game. There are children involved, what if one of them sees you and O/M coming out of your husbands shop at 1:00 in the morning, how will you explain that?

 

My kids were not home. They've never been in my care when anything inappropriate has happened. I said its a line I'm sure I would have eventually crossed, but haven't yet and that's why I know I need to get my head on straight.

[writergal]

This isn't fictitious at all. I'm going crazy inside my head over all of this.

To be clear, my kids are happy and healthy and I work and support them, cook, clean and take care of my home like any other mother and wife does. The majority of this drama is in my head .. and then I started this affair and kept it just for me.. Not telling a soul and yes.. It feels like im watching someone else's life now. Or a movie.

But it's really happening.

 

Yes, yes, that's clear from all of your threads.

 

But why do you keep posting here for support since you've stated that you have no intention of stopping the affair. I mean, you just spent the night with him yet again, while your husband and children are away.

 

You can't honestly expect us to believe you want to stop the affair after reading that. Can you?

 

So why continue to post here? Wouldn't you be better off in a therapist's office or support group for people with sex addiction or joining a group of people who have living room orgies with other bisexual people? The world is your oyster where that lifestyle is concerned.