diddlgirl Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Hi Guys, I am hopefully going to be going on a date later this week and whilst i really shouldn't worry about this given i often dont make it the past the first date. My issue is ive had a selective eating food phobia thing since i was really young, (its a long story) ive seen a lot of doctors and am trying to slowly change it. I am really fussy over food (i literally physically cannot eat a lot of foods.) Whilst i've had long term boyfriends of upto 2 years who haven't cared i was wondering when is the best time to bring this up with new guys- like a few dates along the line or the first date? I just dont want a guy to think im a freak if we just go to a restaurant and i order fries... I know it may bother some guys who like eating out a lot... and will run a mile... I really cant believe im opening up on this forum... But you guys helped me one time before when i was upset about a guy not calling me for a second date (we only had drinks, so at least i know it wasnt cos of my eating thing) Thanks Diddlgirl x
DayumQuitPlayin Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 You should tell the guy whenever you feel most comfortable. If you feel that the two of you can share a special friendship/relationship.. then go ahead and feel free to tell him. Make sure you're comfortable with it. I have a question though, can you say more about this phobia.. like give me some examples about it?
Author diddlgirl Posted November 24, 2004 Author Posted November 24, 2004 Hi Thanks for that reply, i really liked youradvice. i was worried people might attack me over it. Basically there is a lot of foods i cannot eat and i literally gag trying to eat. So im on quite a limited diet. Ive had years of doctors and they say im healthy and that my diet is now balanced enougth - even if its through supplements. In a restaurant for example there may be like two things i can order. I know its a psychological thing and i am working to slowly change it. Thanks for your help Diddlgirl
alphamale Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 You should not bring up medical issues in you life until YOU have been seeeing someone seriuously for 3 to 6 months and think this may be someone you would want to spend a lot of time with in the future.
Author diddlgirl Posted November 24, 2004 Author Posted November 24, 2004 Thanks Alphamale. I really appreciate you guys being so supportive non judgemental. However this guy ive met on my college dating site loves eating out, and is now asking me what type of restaurants i like. I dont mind eating out but i usually end up just ordering fries and in foreign restaurants theres often nothing i can eat. Im kind of stumped over how to answer his question as im worried it will lead to more food questions. I was thinking of may be saying something along the lines that im not really to into eating out but when i do i have pretty simple tastes and mostly just go to american/british cuisine. What do you think? i think hes getting close to asking me out but i really dont want to go to a restaurant for the first date. I mean what if he booked somewhere and i couldnt eat anything on the menu - he'd run a mile... Im not answering his message until i know what to say... luckily ive only just received it so so longs i reply by later today... Thanks guys, i really value your help.
alphamale Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 just use following: - say you are allergic to some items used to cook foods in restaurants - say you are very picky about what you eat and put in your body - say that you really don't like to eat out much but would love to cook for him at home - say eating out is too expensive - say you hate eating in front of large groups cause it make u nervous - say you have some digestive problems but don't specifiy, just say it is not serious but you need to watch what u eat carefully so that is why you don't like to eat out. you can think of other shyt too
tattoomytoe Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 why not tell him you would rather do something else....you are having a big meal earlier that day...blah blah...he probobly will not catch on for a good 3 months anyways....guys are not as likely to point out eating disorders. or suck it up and eat on one date. you can always pick at your food and not really eat a lot. And really, part of getting over this ed is to change your behaviours...and hiding is a regression. i think it would be helpful if you doned a new persona about food on this date.
Author diddlgirl Posted November 24, 2004 Author Posted November 24, 2004 Thanks you guys, You've completely exceeded my expectations. im gonna reply to him saying i dont really eat out much cos its expensive, and so im not to sure what my favourite type of restaurant is, as im not really into eating out. I will put this in the middle of the mesage. The thing is we have a lot in common from our messages or seem to. He says that im the type of girl he would go for and hes impressed by my photo, so hopefully its one thing that we can overcome. A guy i was with for 2 years was really understanding about it - i told him after a few weeks. Im glad you guys think i should wait before sharing this info i was worried i should let them know early on. Im trying to change it as best as you can change something youve had since i was 3 years old and years of paedaetricians couldnt solve. Im now determined in my mindset to change things at the moment im trying to try one new thing a week. But anyway back to this guy, he hasnt asked me out yet but i think hes getting close, or at least i hope so cos hes a cutie! However I have got a drinks date tomorrow night with another guy, so we shall see! Thanks so much Diddlgirl!
SoleMate Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 ...I'm not really to into eating out but when i do i have pretty simple tastes and mostly just go to american/british cuisine... That sounds like a good way to say it. I'm just concerned that you don't cut yourself off from the possibility of enjoying one of his favorite activities. I also think the health issues could be brought up, and honestly, but in a limited way that doesn't "weird" him out with TMI. Example: "I have some health problems, basically food intolerances, and my doctor has recommended that I limit my diet. So restaurant meals can be a bit difficult, but I would love to go out with you, as long as you don't mind me just ordering a small appetizer or something like that." That's 100% true, and 97% unlikely to cause him any major concerns that would prevent either of you from enjoying your time together. If this moves on and develops, then at some point...maybe 1 - 3 months into it...you can share more info about the nature of your food intolerances. Good luck, and enjoy!
Author diddlgirl Posted November 24, 2004 Author Posted November 24, 2004 Solemate you are a genious! I am going to write back and tell him the british/american simple foods comment. Its just perfect cos i dont mind eating out so longs theres something on the menu i can eat just dont want him to think im a freak. The rest of what you said accompanied with what everyone else said will be great for me to use if he asks me to a restaurant. But he hasnt asked me out yet! i should really concentrate on my other date for the time being who i have first date with tomorrow night. Who knows i may fall for him and never go out with this guy. But i doubt it... we shall see! Thanks everyone
tanbark813 Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 I like what SoleMate said. I have to agree with that. The only other thing I would suggest is that if there's a restaurant you already know you can get something you'll like, just ask him if you guys can go there when he asks you out. I doubt he would say no if you request it specifically. As for when you should tell him about your eating habits, I would say after a few dates, but before you guys are exclusive. Probably just as things are getting serious is when it should be brought up, IMHO.
Dakini Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 Just an aside, but telling someone of some gastronomic /culinary experience that you like "British" food is the equivalent of saying you like rice cakes, or worse yet cardboard.
bluetuesday Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 Originally posted by Dakini Just an aside, but telling someone of some gastronomic /culinary experience that you like "British" food is the equivalent of saying you like rice cakes, or worse yet cardboard. tsk tsk. telling jamie oliver on you. come on, some british food is amazingly yummy. and we've got delia, the loveliest and best chef in the world. it's not all meat pasties and chips ya know!
tattoomytoe Posted November 24, 2004 Posted November 24, 2004 meat pastie? haha, that sounds Soo KinKy!! Yummy!
Johanna Posted December 4, 2004 Posted December 4, 2004 I have suffered the same thing for 20 years!! It´s fantastic to find a fellow sufferer! It stared for me since I was 2 and now I´m 22 and recently went to see a specialist who told me I nee more calcium on my diet. I too eat only fries (only with salt and nothing else, scrumptious) at restaurants. good luck!
librooks Posted December 25, 2004 Posted December 25, 2004 I'm glad there's finally a name for the wacky behavior I've lived with since I was little (I'm now in my late 30s). I've always been a very "picky" eater, but it got worse as I got older. I also do have a very sensitive stomach, and a slight case of gastroparesis (delayed stomach emptying), so sometimes eating can cause me physical distress (bloating, gas, queasiness, etc.). I think all of this brought on my food phobia. I can eat pretty well when I'm by myself, but I get so nervous eating in front of someone else that I get sweaty and palpitations. I have anemia because I don't touch red meat (had a severe case of e.coli poisoning about 10 years ago...everyone who ate it was fine except me). But I also drink Ensure supplements every day, so I have no problems with maintaining my weight. I eat pretty much the same types of meals every day, but other than the iron, I do get enough nutrients. This hasn't affected my social life too much, although my ex-boyfriend did make an issue of it because he likes to go out to eat. I feel this way, if he can't accept this, then I can't be with him. This is a very small handicap and I think it's selfish for someone to not be with you simply because you don't want to eat at a restaurant. We all have our quirks, and if I can accept his, he should be able to accept mine. If someone invites me out to a restaurant, I tell them I have food intolerances so I can't eat out. When I get to know him better I can go into it in more depth.
librooks Posted December 26, 2004 Posted December 26, 2004 I've encountered quite a few people who, like me, have an irrational fear of food and eating. This phobia is called sitophobia or sitiophobia (cibophobia is the fear of food itself), and can have a devastating impact on our social lives, not to mention our health! Therefore, I've created a Yahoo! Group on this very topic. I intend on creating a web page as well. The group description is as follows: "This group is for people who have a phobia of eating and food (sitophobia, sitiophobia, or cibophobia). Related phobias are: misophobia or mysophobia or verminophobia (fear of germs), nosophobia or nosemaphobia (fear of getting sick), emetophobia (fear of vomiting), anginophobia (fear of choking). This phobia may have a physical (stomach problems, food allergies, etc.), or mental cause. The person may be afraid that the food is spoiled or poisoned, or that they will choke or vomit or have a painful reaction. Food phobics may not want to eat in public, may be on a very restricted diet and refuse to try new foods, may wash their hands incessantly before eating, and may obsess about expiration dates on food packaging. Anorexia, bulimia, and other disorders based on fear of weight or body image issues, are not covered in this group." The group site address is: http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/foodfear/ Thank you and I hope you can join me in supporting each other and others with this uncommon, misunderstood phobia.
moofer Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 never the guy will think you're weird and won't feel comfortable with you anymore.
indigo_moon Posted December 27, 2004 Posted December 27, 2004 Originally posted by moofer never the guy will think you're weird and won't feel comfortable with you anymore. What an incredibly rude, mean, callous thing to respond to someone who's had the courage to come here and share that she's got food phobias/an eating disorder of sorts. Moderator's Note: Please keep posts/comments focused on the person who started the thread, not on other participants, lest the thread veer into an off-topic discussion.
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