Kimmie80 Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 I have no idea what over came me yesterday. During the 68 days of NC, I had NUMEROUS times where I wanted to reach out to him so bad but I contained myself. But out of the middle of nowhere, I just walked over to my computer and emailed him without a doubt or question in my mind. I wrote the following: Hi xxxxx, I know you don't want to hear from me, but I just wanted to say hi and that I still think of you. I hope you and the kids are doing well. He wrote back almost right away with the following: Hey Kim, me and the kids are doing well. I hope you and your family are doing well too. I dont know if I reached out because I was feeling lonely or if it was because subconsciously I was hurt that my ex of 15 years is in a new relationship and happy. Even though we needed the break bad, I still feel hurt. And the thing is, I dont even feel bad or upset with myself at all for breaking NC. Its more of a relief feeling, even if nothing comes out of it.
HereWeGoAgain1 Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 I have no idea what over came me yesterday. During the 68 days of NC, I had NUMEROUS times where I wanted to reach out to him so bad but I contained myself. But out of the middle of nowhere, I just walked over to my computer and emailed him without a doubt or question in my mind. I wrote the following: Hi xxxxx, I know you don't want to hear from me, but I just wanted to say hi and that I still think of you. I hope you and the kids are doing well. He wrote back almost right away with the following: Hey Kim, me and the kids are doing well. I hope you and your family are doing well too. I dont know if I reached out because I was feeling lonely or if it was because subconsciously I was hurt that my ex of 15 years is in a new relationship and happy. Even though we needed the break bad, I still feel hurt. And the thing is, I dont even feel bad or upset with myself at all for breaking NC. Its more of a relief feeling, even if nothing comes out of it. There's no need to panic. I broke NC this weekend by sending a birthday gift and letter. It arrived yesterday and 24 hours later I have no reply at all. I am putting it down as a line in the sand, an opportunity to squeeze all hope I had left out of my body and hopefully on monday when some of this anger subsides I can truly begin my new life. You have the opportunity to do the same sort of thing, especially seeing as you feel relieved. Take it as a sign of you moving on as I'm probably right in saying that had this been a month ago you'd have really struggled with it? We all have weak moments, we are only human. If I were you I'd put it down as a pleasantry, think nothing more of it and go back to NC. 1
FeelsBad Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 I think it might be a bit of both. I know people say do not break NC and so on, but it really gets down to what feels right for you. I can't give you much advice and so on, but I believe that you do what YOU feel is right, not what everybody else says. Did it feel good contacting him? If it did, it probably did for him too, but you both know that in the long run, contact will only make it harder. It's OK to crack sometimes, but think rationally and keep your mind on what the facts are. Keep your head up. 1
Author Kimmie80 Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Herewegoagain, im definitely going to go back to NC. I dont know what over came me. But I dont feel bad or ashamed about it. I know if I did this a month ago, I would have been ashamed and and embarrassed. I guess the timing was right. Feelsbad, it felt right contacting him at this time. I hope he felt ok with it. He walked out on me because of some immature actions I took due yo my low self esteem and insecurity issues. I had always hoped that he would remember me the way I was before I did what I did and not some crazy girl. It would be a dream come true if anything comes out of this, but im not expecting anything. Im going to go back to NC and be on my way. It felt right to put the thought in his head that im thinking of him. 1
soccerrprp Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 I have no idea what over came me yesterday. During the 68 days of NC, I had NUMEROUS times where I wanted to reach out to him so bad but I contained myself. But out of the middle of nowhere, I just walked over to my computer and emailed him without a doubt or question in my mind. I wrote the following: Hi xxxxx, I know you don't want to hear from me, but I just wanted to say hi and that I still think of you. I hope you and the kids are doing well. He wrote back almost right away with the following: Hey Kim, me and the kids are doing well. I hope you and your family are doing well too. I dont know if I reached out because I was feeling lonely or if it was because subconsciously I was hurt that my ex of 15 years is in a new relationship and happy. Even though we needed the break bad, I still feel hurt. And the thing is, I dont even feel bad or upset with myself at all for breaking NC. Its more of a relief feeling, even if nothing comes out of it. As long as it doesn't have you spiraling into confusion, obsession, depression, breaking NC seems to show that you have or are moving on nicely. Were you married during the 15 years?
Author Kimmie80 Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 The 15 year relationship was with someone else. We were not married. Coming out of that I met this guy. He showed me what it's like to be loved and cared for, something I was lacking for a very long time. It only lasted for 2 months, but it was special for me. 1
Author Kimmie80 Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 That makes sense and I know I have to stop letting someone I was with for a very short period of time control so much of my life. He gave me what I was lacking for so long, and the way the relationship was made me fall very hard, very fast. I am doing better and I am glad I sent that email. Now its back to NC for good and get back on track with my life
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 I hate it when people put their judgment on how one "should" feel based on a short term relationship. WTF..? There is a matrix on time and feelings? So you can only mourn intense feelings if the relationship is xx period of time? 2 months of love, intimacy feelings is 2 months of LOVE, INTIMACY and FEELINGS. Those are the fuel for the human soul. When it's gone, no matter how long she had it, it hurts. ffs. 4
Vinsanity1307 Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 No worries i just sent my ex a letter on day 61 of NC.... 1
Author Kimmie80 Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Its so true! I dont believe at all that the amount of time your with someone has anything to do with how strong your feelings are. I am having a harder time with this than my 15 year relationship coming to an end. I think its because we were dealing for so long that I was slowly adjusting to it coming to an end. With this 2 month one, everything was so perfect. I was on cloud 9. And then one day it all disappeared because of something I said. It was all gone as fast as it came.
Author Kimmie80 Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Vinsanity, did u hear back from him?
crederer Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 What you said isn't that bad. You didn't grovel or sound weak. It was a fine form of contact, IMO. As long as you don't expect it to turn into anything more than it was, you're fine. 1
Vinsanity1307 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Kimmie You mean did.I hear back from her ? I sent a letter in the mail. And honestly I think she will respond...6 months to a year from now . Thats just the way things work but figured one last gasp of air for the relationship...
Man-guy Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Yeah, I broke NC after my stbxw's pic popped up even though she blocked me (lots of friends liking status), couldn't stop myself, felt happy for her career move and congratulated her. Surprised she responded at all the next day, but that was that... I still feel like it was a mistake for me, but it was genuine a genuine congrats, nothing more. Weird how I felt happy at that moment for someone who was so damn mean to me, but hey, it is what it is, it's not like I expected anything more than for her to see it.
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I know people say do not break NC and so on, but it really gets down to what feels right for you. I can't give you much advice and so on, but I believe that you do what YOU feel is right, not what everybody else says. The reason why so many people say stick to NC, is that when we are in the state we are in after being broken up with, it does feel right to reach out. To let them know we are thinking of them. That we love them. But, most of the time this is a mistake and the exact opposite of what should be done. So, yes, the majority opinion is to stay NC. Breaking it might feel right at first, but usually always feels way worse (wrong) in the end... 3
lovesucks76 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Its so true! I dont believe at all that the amount of time your with someone has anything to do with how strong your feelings are. I am having a harder time with this than my 15 year relationship coming to an end. I think its because we were dealing for so long that I was slowly adjusting to it coming to an end. With this 2 month one, everything was so perfect. I was on cloud 9. And then one day it all disappeared because of something I said. It was all gone as fast as it came. Kimmie, So sorry, I think you deserve better...at least you know he's alive! You also checked the box and reached out so now he knows and you know. The ball is on his side of the court but its your decision whether you should wait for him...he may never reach out, you just never know. It's hard to believe that 1 single fight was the REAL cause of the BU. I still thing there's a lot more than you don't know. If you truly care about someone 1 single incident will not end things. Just my opinion! Stay strong! 1
Author Kimmie80 Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 Ya, I'm starting to think I do deserve better. I deserve someone who doesn't turn their back on me over 1 thing. And knowing how hurt I am, but he keeps on going. But unfortunately, it doesnt make the pain any less though. Im sure there was more that I didn't know about. Guess its a good thing hes gone then. I need someone who is open and communicates, as well as standing by me through each hard time. Im getting there, though. One day at a time 1
BC1980 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 The reason why so many people say stick to NC, is that when we are in the state we are in after being broken up with, it does feel right to reach out. To let them know we are thinking of them. That we love them. But, most of the time this is a mistake and the exact opposite of what should be done. So, yes, the majority opinion is to stay NC. Breaking it might feel right at first, but usually always feels way worse (wrong) in the end... I agree. You can't always do what feels right. After a breakup, you have to be logical. Contacting the ex will be painful the vast majority of the times, even thought it might feel right or familiar to reach out. It's painful to have small talk with someone who used to be closer to you than anyone else. It's such a slap in the face that the relationship is reduced to that awkwardness, and it hurts so much. That is what I remember from breaking NC in early days of my breakup. 3
Babolat Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Ya, I'm starting to think I do deserve better. I deserve someone who doesn't turn their back on me over 1 thing. And knowing how hurt I am, but he keeps on going. But unfortunately, it doesnt make the pain any less though. Im sure there was more that I didn't know about. Guess its a good thing hes gone then. I need someone who is open and communicates, as well as standing by me through each hard time. Im getting there, though. One day at a time 2 months is a very short time, especially after coming out of a 15 year relationship. Give yourself some time to heal, from both relationships. My guess is the 2 monther one was more of a "everything I was missing in the 15 year one"...been there, done that. Be strong, stay NC, heck PM me, post here, whatever you need to do to not break NC. I have been NC for 4+ weeks now (after breaking up 6 months ago), though she has texted me once and emailed me once, and I had no desire to reply, yet I did out of what felt like respect..and I was the dumper. And trust me, as the dumper, it's no easier. I have desire to date her..doesn't mean I do not think about her though. 1
harrybrown Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 It sounds like it helped you at the time to make the contact, and now you are feeling better and moving on to better things. There are others out there, and I hope you find happiness soon. 1
Author Kimmie80 Posted September 24, 2013 Author Posted September 24, 2013 Babolat, I definitely think that I fell hard in the very short 2 month relationship because he gave me something I had been lacking for so long. The last 4 years of my 15 year relationship was not good at all. There was mental, physical, and emotional abuse, as well as infidelity. I stayed for my children and for my financial situation at the time. So needless to say, when this guy walked into my life, I saw what it was like to be happy and feel safe. And honestly, im starting to realize that it may not even be *him* that im missing. It was probably the feeling that he made me feel. I didn't know him enough to say I loved him. I just know I loved how I felt. Harrybrown, breaking NC, this time around, felt right. It's like im a peace with it all now. Its not hurting as much that hes not reaching out to me. It hurts, but its more a realization that its done. I thought maybe, just maybe, he wasnt reaching out first cause it was an awkward ending. But this was the perfect chance for him to respond back with questions for me to get back to him. But it was just a closed sentence. I am happy that he even responded, especially very shortly after, but seeing how it went, it was probably just respect to me.
Babolat Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 Babolat, I definitely think that I fell hard in the very short 2 month relationship because he gave me something I had been lacking for so long. The last 4 years of my 15 year relationship was not good at all. There was mental, physical, and emotional abuse, as well as infidelity. I stayed for my children and for my financial situation at the time. So needless to say, when this guy walked into my life, I saw what it was like to be happy and feel safe. And honestly, im starting to realize that it may not even be *him* that im missing. It was probably the feeling that he made me feel. I didn't know him enough to say I loved him. I just know I loved how I felt. I know how you feel. I am starting to think it's how my ex gf made me feel, the good feelings, the affection, the attention, the love, the great sex, that I miss, that I think about. I did not have any of this in my marriage. I need to get rid of this feeling that no other woman can or will make me feel that way. She was my first real LTR post divorce. I dated a few woman, had my rebound, took a break, then met her. You will be OK..you are self-aware, being introspective, all good qualities.
lovesucks76 Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 (edited) Ya, I'm starting to think I do deserve better. I deserve someone who doesn't turn their back on me over 1 thing. And knowing how hurt I am, but he keeps on going. But unfortunately, it doesn't make the pain any less though. Im sure there was more that I didn't know about. Guess its a good thing hes gone then. I need someone who is open and communicates, as well as standing by me through each hard time. I'm getting there, though. One day at a time Remember, nothing is as it seems. Nothing. You may have saved yourself a lot of future grief. Him walking out on you when he did is probably a good thing in hind sight. You want someone who cares enough about you to stick around when times get tough. You want a real man that will stand by you when no body else will. This guy didn't come close to ever deserving you. I mean this!! You are better than this. As you know my RS was short too but we were friends first and that helped us. We developed a bond quickly and then we both fell in love for each other. My situation is a little complicated but the main reason of the BU has a lot to do with her insecurities too. I'm willing to work through this with her because I love her and I know she loves me too. It's not always easy. My ex still checks on me whenever I go to the doctor she's a very caring person. She's never lied to me through the entire RS, she's one of the most honest people I've ever met. She's truly special. We're talking again and hanging out but I'm not sure what will happen to us and not holding hope but she's worth a second chance. In the meantime I'm working on me and getting stronger. Hang in there Kimmie, you seem like an awesome lady, attractive too. Continue doing your thing and working on you. Remember, this was NOT your fault, this was him being weak and unable to communicate properly. Feel free to PM me if you feel the urge to contact him again. Keep in mind.... It's a good thing it happened sooner than later. Much better things are ahead of you....I promise you! You need to believe this because its true! Edited September 24, 2013 by lovesucks76
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