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Why would someone go back to an ex who really hurt them?

HereWeGoAgain1

By HereWeGoAgain1
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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HereWeGoAgain1 Member

HereWeGoAgain1

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I need some help understanding someone's thought process.

 

I can't be certain but I'm 70% sure my ex has gone back to her ex. He was an arrogant guy who inexplicably walked out on her a year ago with no explanation, he went totally silent for 3 months and never said a word to her again.

 

The first time she ever saw him after that was at a BBQ me and her went to about 3 months ago. They never spoke or even looked at each other, the whole thing was awkward and even her friends felt uncomfortable.

 

About a month later her added her to Facebook again and he messaged her asking if one of her friends was still single (classic tactic) and she said she'd ignored him.

 

When she finally left me citing she was no longer in love with me, she said she'd been talking to him. I asked her to be honest with me and tell me if he was the reason. She said she had thought about it but only to hurt him the way he'd hurt her so she wouldn't because that was petty and stupid.

 

While now I have no proof, he's climbing the rankings in her friends list on FB. I don't have her or him as a friend nor do I have any mutual friends but I just have this feeling that she's gotten back with him.

 

I'm at the point where the thought of it doesn't punch me in the gut but it does make me a little angry seeing as I treated her with nothing but respect and did all I could for her.

 

If she has gone back to him, why do people give such people a second chance. I just need some perspective on it to help me get faith in the world again.

 

Any input would be great.

Edited by HereWeGoAgain1
Balzac Established Member

Balzac

Posted
Posted

You were the rebound guy ----until--- the flavor-of-the-month douche bag came around sniffing out a certified victim. Listen dude, you cannot fix a girl w these victim issues. Like a moth to a flame, she's drawn to abuse.

 

Of course you know all about the guy-she used you as her emotional tampon. Told you how great you treated her, was emotionally there for her. You're fine dude. She's broken. Why do you want to understand or settle for a broken girl???

 

You seem like a great guy. You've got a lot to offer. There are many sane, totally sexy, smart girls who can love you and bang you better. Broken girl isn't one of them. She's a car you'd never buy.

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HereWeGoAgain1 Member

HereWeGoAgain1

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You were the rebound guy ----until--- the flavor-of-the-month douche bag came around sniffing out a certified victim. Listen dude, you cannot fix a girl w these victim issues. Like a moth to a flame, she's drawn to abuse.

 

Of course you know all about the guy-she used you as her emotional tampon. Told you how great you treated her, was emotionally there for her. You're fine dude. She's broken. Why do you want to understand or settle for a broken girl???

 

You seem like a great guy. You've got a lot to offer. There are many sane, totally sexy, smart girls who can love you and bang you better. Broken girl isn't one of them. She's a car you'd never buy.

 

Even if she didn't start seeing me until 6 months after he left her? I don't know the rules of rebound as such but I suppose you're probably right.

 

Just sucks though. I've been screwed over by a lot of girls in this way, don't know why it keeps happening.

Balzac Established Member

Balzac

Posted
Posted

The common element is Y O U. When their breakup story is all about the bad dude that came prior to you - RUN. There are plenty of reasons romances end. Different life goals, careers that are demanding, incompatible on some level. Beware the girl who was a victim. You cannot fix them. Learn why you are willing to put yourself out there to suck up their crazy.

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted

Even in abusive relationships they normally were not always abusive.....people can and do change........they seek help, work on themselves or grow up finally.......second chances are what every person wants to believe they deserve ...so if we were to ask for a second chance and honestly have worked on what went wrong...who is to say we shouldnt give a chance to someone else.....i guess it depends on the extent of the abuse......then there is this......

 

 

Stockholm syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

 

 

best wishes....deb

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HereWeGoAgain1 Member

HereWeGoAgain1

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The common element is Y O U. When their breakup story is all about the bad dude that came prior to you - RUN. There are plenty of reasons romances end. Different life goals, careers that are demanding, incompatible on some level. Beware the girl who was a victim. You cannot fix them. Learn why you are willing to put yourself out there to suck up their crazy.

 

Lol most probably because despite being quite an attractive guy (I have no issues saying that...I'm not arrogant). I'm incredibly shy and will usually latch on to any girl who pays attention. I've spent a lot of my life single through fear and low self esteem.

 

This girl felt way different, I know she had a lot of issues but I also knew she didn't want me to try and fix her. As a counsellor she was very level headed and knew how to deal with a lot of situations.

 

That said, I guess everyone has demons inside they'll lie through their teeth to hide.

RiceaRoni Established Member

RiceaRoni

Posted
Posted
The common element is Y O U. When their breakup story is all about the bad dude that came prior to you - RUN. There are plenty of reasons romances end. Different life goals, careers that are demanding, incompatible on some level. Beware the girl who was a victim. You cannot fix them. Learn why you are willing to put yourself out there to suck up their crazy.

 

Does the same apply to a guy? the victim guy?

Balzac Established Member

Balzac

Posted
Posted

Same applies. Low self esteem indicates poor boundaries. That broken girl seems to be in the business of fixing people but not herself. As her lips moved she was telling you lies - she's living in denial. She voted w her feet.

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PR08 Established Member

PR08

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Posted
While now I have no proof, he's climbing the rankings in her friends list on FB. I don't have her or him as a friend nor do I have any mutual friends but I just have this feeling that she's gotten back with him.

 

I'm really confused. Firstly, what do you mean by 'climbing the rankings?'

 

And how would you know anyway if you don't have her as a friend and don't have any mutual friends from whose profile you could check? The only alternative I can think of is that a) She's stupid enough to have her profile open to the world and b) You're checking it regularly. You're never going to heal if you keep doing that.

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HereWeGoAgain1 Member

HereWeGoAgain1

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I'm really confused. Firstly, what do you mean by 'climbing the rankings?'

 

And how would you know anyway if you don't have her as a friend and don't have any mutual friends from whose profile you could check? The only alternative I can think of is that a) She's stupid enough to have her profile open to the world and b) You're checking it regularly. You're never going to heal if you keep doing that.

 

Basically if you can see someone's friend list even though it appears random, it's not, the people who have the most interactions with you are nearer the top. It's pretty crazy for me to be looking at such patterns but I did a temporary unblock (but not friended) just for this weekend due to me intentionally breaking NC.

 

Anyway it turns out that I was wrong, she's not seeing that guy at all (see my other thread).

 

Things have gotten a little turbulent all of a sudden but as soon as it dies down she's going back on the block list.

PR08 Established Member

PR08

Posted
Posted

Well that's funny, given that I hardly ever trade any words at all with the people who show up at the top of mine

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