Girlfriend asked for space...I got suspicious

[lostsoul6486]

I posted a couple of days ago on here about how I felt like I may be over thinking a situation about my girlfriend.

 

Here's my original post:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/425847-am-i-over-thinking#post5219572

 

We sleep together every night, but we slept separate once because of her grandmother. The next day, she told me that she was having a stress free day and she thought it had a lot to do with the fact that she slept alone instead of with me. I took this as a red flag. She went from wanting to sleep with me every night, to literally not being able to sleep without me, and then now to not wanting to sleep with me at all? She's very busy throughout the day and she said that she doesn't get enough time for herself and she needs it. I voiced my concerns and she told me not to worry about anything and that we're fine.

 

I wanted to believe her so bad, but I felt suspicious and if you read the post I linked to, you would understand why. Long story short, she told me that she was at a party last Friday and to go home and change when I got out of school and she would call me when she got out. I went over to her house to wait for her to get back and when I got there she wasn't at a party. She wasn't expecting me to get out of school as early as I did and she was at home watching Netflix with a guy I had never met. Just him and her at 11:30 p.m. hanging out at her house while she was supposedly at a party.

 

I was livid, but I let it slide. This past Tuesday, she told me her grandmother was staying at her place for a couple of weeks because her grandfather is out of town. She said we would have to sleep separate because her grandmother wouldn't be okay with me sleeping over there which is fine. The next day she asked for space and it would have to be at night because that's the only time she has to herself, as I mentioned earlier. What am I supposed to think? Just the other day she lied to me about being at a party while she was with some other guy and now she's asking for space by not sleeping with her. I said that if what she wanted was to sleep separately, fine. That's what she'll get.

 

I woke up this morning at 3:30 and I couldn't fall back asleep so I decided to take a drive. I know it's wrong because I said I'd leave her alone at night, but I ended up driving to her house even though that's not what I originally planned. I didn't know what I was going to do when I got there. Maybe call her. Maybe start thinking straight and leave her alone. My emotions were fighting what my mind was telling me and they were winning out. When I got there, that guy's car was parked outside her house. That changed everything. I was furious. I called her and she wouldn't pick up until she did at about the fifth try and said, "Are you really at my house right now?" I told her that I needed to talk to her and she said, "About what?" That infuriated me even more. How about the guy sleeping over your house while you supposedly want "alone time?" She told him to leave her house, but she wouldn't let me into her house so we talked over the phone on my drive home.

 

She explained to me that he was there studying for something for the university organization they're both in and he fell asleep. She said that she knows what it looks like but she would go to whatever lengths necessary to prove to me that nothing happened between him and her. Even if she was single, she wouldn't date him because they have a "professional relationship" because they are partners in their organization. She then went on to tell me that she felt disrespected and upset that I didn't respect her request to leave her alone at night even after I said I would, but she understands that the situation she was in with that guy looked bad and that it won't happen again.

 

I'm not unreasonable. I agreed that it was wrong of me to do that. We both agreed that we messed up. She didn't want to talk about it anymore and told me that she's going to sleep and I should do the same. Before she hung up I told her these exact words, "This is a really bad situation. I shouldn't have gone to your house like that. Here's what's going to happen: I'm not going to text or call you anymore until you're ready. Whenever you want, you could be the one to text or call me."

 

She started crying and told me that it's not fair of me to push her away like that. She suffers from very bad anxiety and she seemed like it was really getting to her so I told her that I'd just continue doing what I've been doing these past couple of days which is seeing her and speaking to her whenever she has time. She told me that she loves me more than anything in the world and that I know her better than to think that she would have the audacity to be upset at me if she was cheating on me. I said it's okay and we hung up. I really think I should go cold turkey though. Number one out of respect because I messed up by showing up at her house and number two because of the situation I found her in when I got there. I don't know if I believe her. I feel bad and guilty because none of this would've happened if I just would've respected her space, but should I? Would you believe your girl if she told you some dude was studying at her house and fell asleep given the facts I've posted here?

Edited September 21, 2013 by lostsoul6486

[Carenth]

What you did was not the greatest. However what she did imo was much worse. She lied to you not once but twice. A relationship without trust is doomed to fail.

 

Is she cheating on you with this guy? I can't say but it looks dodgy as hell especially since she is making up lies to cover for the fact she is spending time with him. Signs pointing to yes if he is sleeping over at her place I find her story a bit hard to swallow.

 

You are a little in the wrong yes she tested your trust in her and she broke that trust again when you discovered she was lying again. She is massively in the wrong and she is the one that will have to make it up to you in my opinion. She has to regain your trust which is not an easy task once lost. I would be cutting my losses and moving on personally. I couldn't be with someone who thought so little of me that they had to lie to me rather than telling the truth.

[lostsoul6486]

What you did was not the greatest. However what she did imo was much worse. She lied to you not once but twice. A relationship without trust is doomed to fail.

 

Is she cheating on you with this guy? I can't say but it looks dodgy as hell especially since she is making up lies to cover for the fact she is spending time with him. Signs pointing to yes if he is sleeping over at her place I find her story a bit hard to swallow.

 

You are a little in the wrong yes she tested your trust in her and she broke that trust again when you discovered she was lying again. She is massively in the wrong and she is the one that will have to make it up to you in my opinion. She has to regain your trust which is not an easy task once lost. I would be cutting my losses and moving on personally. I couldn't be with someone who thought so little of me that they had to lie to me rather than telling the truth.

 

The worst part about it is that she always goes on about how she doesn't think I trust her even though I did until tonight. Even after she lied to me the first time, I trusted her. I went to her house because I was being selfish and that's not right. I wouldn't feel guilty if I went to her house because I thought she was cheating or doing something shady. Yes, I was a bit suspicious, but not to the point of paranoia where I would check up on her. I guess the best way to put it is that I don't feel guilty for going because of what I found, but I feel guilty for the reason that I went.

[Carenth]

She is just trying to deflect. She has shown you have reason to not trust her on two occasions in very close succession. She made up a fabrication and got caught out. She is just pissed you caught her in her lie.

 

Honestly at this point she doesn't deserve your trust.

[BradJacobs]

She ****ed him.

 

But you know that already, don't you...

Agreed.

 

OP, why are you putting up with the lies?

 

You are being played.

[Misfortune]

Skilled at manipulation and blame shifting, she is. She needs space at night...lololz. She wants space to be alone to be with him. She turned this all around, has you feeling guilty for being concerned and now you're the one apologizing....smh. She is a player.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I posted a couple of days ago on here about how I felt like I may be over thinking a situation about my girlfriend.

 

Here's my original post:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/425847-am-i-over-thinking#post5219572

 

We sleep together every night, but we slept separate once because of her grandmother. The next day, she told me that she was having a stress free day and she thought it had a lot to do with the fact that she slept alone instead of with me. I took this as a red flag. She went from wanting to sleep with me every night, to literally not being able to sleep without me, and then now to not wanting to sleep with me at all? She's very busy throughout the day and she said that she doesn't get enough time for herself and she needs it. I voiced my concerns and she told me not to worry about anything and that we're fine.

 

I wanted to believe her so bad, but I felt suspicious and if you read the post I linked to, you would understand why. Long story short, she told me that she was at a party last Friday and to go home and change when I got out of school and she would call me when she got out. I went over to her house to wait for her to get back and when I got there she wasn't at a party. She wasn't expecting me to get out of school as early as I did and she was at home watching Netflix with a guy I had never met. Just him and her at 11:30 p.m. hanging out at her house while she was supposedly at a party.

 

I was livid, but I let it slide. This past Tuesday, she told me her grandmother was staying at her place for a couple of weeks because her grandfather is out of town. She said we would have to sleep separate because her grandmother wouldn't be okay with me sleeping over there which is fine. The next day she asked for space and it would have to be at night because that's the only time she has to herself, as I mentioned earlier. What am I supposed to think? Just the other day she lied to me about being at a party while she was with some other guy and now she's asking for space by not sleeping with her. I said that if what she wanted was to sleep separately, fine. That's what she'll get.

 

I woke up this morning at 3:30 and I couldn't fall back asleep so I decided to take a drive. I know it's wrong because I said I'd leave her alone at night, but I ended up driving to her house even though that's not what I originally planned. I didn't know what I was going to do when I got there. Maybe call her. Maybe start thinking straight and leave her alone. My emotions were fighting what my mind was telling me and they were winning out. When I got there, that guy's car was parked outside her house. That changed everything. I was furious. I called her and she wouldn't pick up until she did at about the fifth try and said, "Are you really at my house right now?" I told her that I needed to talk to her and she said, "About what?" That infuriated me even more. How about the guy sleeping over your house while you supposedly want "alone time?" She told him to leave her house, but she wouldn't let me into her house so we talked over the phone on my drive home.

 

She explained to me that he was there studying for something for the university organization they're both in and he fell asleep. She said that she knows what it looks like but she would go to whatever lengths necessary to prove to me that nothing happened between him and her. Even if she was single, she wouldn't date him because they have a "professional relationship" because they are partners in their organization. She then went on to tell me that she felt disrespected and upset that I didn't respect her request to leave her alone at night even after I said I would, but she understands that the situation she was in with that guy looked bad and that it won't happen again.

 

I'm not unreasonable. I agreed that it was wrong of me to do that. We both agreed that we messed up. She didn't want to talk about it anymore and told me that she's going to sleep and I should do the same. Before she hung up I told her these exact words, "This is a really bad situation. I shouldn't have gone to your house like that. Here's what's going to happen: I'm not going to text or call you anymore until you're ready. Whenever you want, you could be the one to text or call me."

 

She started crying and told me that it's not fair of me to push her away like that. She suffers from very bad anxiety and she seemed like it was really getting to her so I told her that I'd just continue doing what I've been doing these past couple of days which is seeing her and speaking to her whenever she has time. She told me that she loves me more than anything in the world and that I know her better than to think that she would have the audacity to be upset at me if she was cheating on me. I said it's okay and we hung up. I really think I should go cold turkey though. Number one out of respect because I messed up by showing up at her house and number two because of the situation I found her in when I got there. I don't know if I believe her. I feel bad and guilty because none of this would've happened if I just would've respected her space, but should I? Would you believe your girl if she told you some dude was studying at her house and fell asleep given the facts I've posted here?

 

All you really had to do was mention what I bolded.

 

I'm not sure how this is even up for discussion. She's definitely cheating. Break it off.

 

If you don't break it off now, way worse things will happen and you will only have yourself to blame.

[almond]

I can't believe you even let it slide in the first instance.

 

You need to end the relationship immediately. I also recommend some personal counseling to help you work through the issues that are causing you to allow yourself to be treated in this manner.

 

Good luck.

[salparadise]

I also recommend some personal counseling to help you work through the issues that are causing you to allow yourself to be treated in this manner.

 

Seriously. Are you really in such denial that you can't see what's going on? Not only is she f*cking this guy and lying to you, she playing you for a complete fool. This is so egregious that it make me embarrassed for you. What part of this are you not able to comprehend?

[MrCastle]

Dude, send her to dumpsville.