yellowmaverick Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 One of the many fallouts of my H's affair is that his AP is very unstable. Even though I had never met her (and would never want to), she stalked me and my children after d-day. She was infuriated that H did not want her, even after I chose not to reconcile. For two years after the affair, I have had to deal with her craziness. I have had to call the police, contact her H, and file a complaint with her employer because much of the stalking occurred from her work. I can't imagine what would make someone so desperate as to do this, especially since I made it clear that we were not reconciling. I certainly was not to blame because he did not want her. Anyone else dealing with a desperate, crazy OW?
ChooseTruth Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Oh man...even when divorcing?? She's must feel betrayed and views you as the pesky OW even though you are moving on . That's some serious lack of self respect right there. What a pitiable creature.. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, but does it amuse you even a little? I can't say I've shared the experience. OMM was pretty low key. I think those single OW are the ones that tend to be so nuts...
Author yellowmaverick Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Oh man...even when divorcing?? She's must feel betrayed and views you as the pesky OW even though you are moving on . That's some serious lack of self respect right there. What a pitiable creature.. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, but does it amuse you even a little? I can't say I've shared the experience. OMM was pretty low key. I think those single OW are the ones that tend to be so nuts... She was not single when they started the affair, but her H was in the process of dumping her. I guess that the double rejection put her over the edge. And, no, it did not amuse me. I had to leave my job and one of my daughters had a breakdown from the stress. The crazy OW ultimately paid a huge price for messing with me and my children. It remains to be seen whether it will be enough to stop her from further disgracing herself.
Artie Lang Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 so, what you're saying is that this "craziness" has been going on for 2 years? when did you finally decide to take action..... legally, I mean(RO)?
Author yellowmaverick Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Of course it's not all her own contribution. Don't be naive. Your husband contributed. To how she's acting! Or she was crazy and your husband brought her in to your life. I can't relate, ex AP wanted to continue, I didn't. I've not spoken to him since and didn't go all crazy on his arse or his families. Married men invite all this trouble in to their families I am not naive. I am a mature woman who believes that people are responsible for their own choices. It is much healthier to believe that you (general you) have control over your own actions than to blame others for the choices that you have made. People who take responsibility for their own actions tend to make better choices. You are free to believe otherwise, if that's what helps you sleep at night. 1
Journee Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 (edited) When I look back on the things I have accepted in our relationship I cringe. I feel ashamed and feel regret like I have never known. I'm not in a place where splitting up is an option. Emotionally that process has begun for me. The first woman actually called me and outed the whole thing. I had my suspicions and she confirmed them. She was an ex that he had always got back with. This time things weren't going all the way in her favor. She didn't like that. She would call me , then him..... call me again , then him. Over and over. She would text me outrageous things. She made fake social media pages and harass me. It was strange. I wasn't even 20 yet I didn't know what to think. That was their crazy dynamic though. They cheated on one another constantly and were terribly toxic. She really expected for us to split up and that they would be back together. Even though she had left him for a woman just a few months prior. I should had let go then.... but he was someone that stood by me through a very hard time in my life. I had never really had that from a guy and I mistook that as love. That he would protect me. It's laughable that I thought this. The second I discovered. She just wanted to move on. I did too. We rug swept. The third ( that I know of. I'm convinced our entire relationship has been riddled with women and porn) she was deeply depressed. She told me she was sleeping with several men and had developed a drinking problem. She was very dramatic and completely focused on her victimhood in the situation. I think she was embarrassed that she was ever telling me these things. I never asked personal details about her. I just really wanted to know if I needed to get tested and what their intentions were. I was pregnant and didn't know which way was up. When we met she was on her way back from having sex ( which I heard when she accidentally answered the phone) with one of her boyfriend's. I had actually gotten her in trouble with him because he thought I was the other guy she was sleeping with calling. After we met she was going to take her husband home after work. I met him too. She acted as though she wanted us to be friends and relate somehow off of this. I just couldn't. Even though H and I were separated at the time I was still under the impression we were reconciling. She knew I was pregnant and still had unprotected sex with several men including my H. I'm disgusted with that part the most. My cheater H is disgusting for that and that's what I cannot forgive. It was already a high risk pregnancy. I had to have biopsies while I pregnant taken from my cervix. Our baby had markers for Downs. I kept going into labor early. It was scary. I ended up having her early anyway. She was just over five pounds when we left the hospital though so no worries about her health then. She was perfect. I still don't understand why women are willing to have sex with men that are in relationships. I never will. It is beyond me. What I really need to understand though is why I ever to took his sorry butt back. That's what I'm focusing on now. I understand more now. * Edited September 21, 2013 by Journee 3
LilGirlandOW Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Yellow, You can thanks your xH for that. You can only mind-f*&k somebody for so long then the line between sane and bat-sh*t crazy starts to bleed. Unless he knowingly got involved with an insane woman, I'm betting your H's games and shinanigans tipped her sanity scale now putting you and your children at risk. 1
AlwaysGrowing Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Again with the MM being at fault for the actions of ap....... It seems many ow (don't read many om with these sentiments) that blame the bs for the affair, and the mm when it blows up. Either the innocent bystander or the victim. Everyone is responsible for themselves PERIOD. 1
LilGirlandOW Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 yeah everyone is responsible for themselves. I do also think that a WS can mind-game their AP, sometimes the AP is strong enough to see thru that fog and move on, other times, it ends horribly. I'm betting the WS in this situation spent many moons molding his AP into a perfect AP, gaslighting her into another reality, but when push came to shove WS took the first train out of the crazy town he created and left BS and his children there dealing with the aftermath. Some people are good at spinning people, some people who get spun go nuts, PERIOD. 1
underwater2010 Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 yeah everyone is responsible for themselves. I do also think that a WS can mind-game their AP, sometimes the AP is strong enough to see thru that fog and move on, other times, it ends horribly. I'm betting the WS in this situation spent many moons molding his AP into a perfect AP, gaslighting her into another reality, but when push came to shove WS took the first train out of the crazy town he created and left BS and his children there dealing with the aftermath. Some people are good at spinning people, some people who get spun go nuts, PERIOD. And some women and men don't use the common sense they are born with. It is simple...when someone is in a relationship they are not totally available. And to believe anything else is just putting a blindfold on and praying that all works out in the end. 3
Coolit Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 My xMM would say he brought a crazy MOW into his life. Because cheating made me crazy And I was crazy to confess everything to my H And because I was crazy not to just lie down in front of the bus.
AlwaysGrowing Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Its not molding, spinning, gas lighting....if the other party is willing.
Author yellowmaverick Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Yellow, You can thanks your xH for that. You can only mind-f*&k somebody for so long then the line between sane and bat-sh*t crazy starts to bleed. Unless he knowingly got involved with an insane woman, I'm betting your H's games and shinanigans tipped her sanity scale now putting you and your children at risk. Nope. She is 100% responsible for her crazy behavior. Just as she is not to blame for my WH's horrible behavior, he is not to blame for hers. The affair was relatively short and they got together for sex only a few times, as she lives 2500 miles away. She has been stalking more than 3 times longer than the duration of the affair. LG - if she (and you), keep blaming others for your poor behavior, you will always see yourselves as victims and will never get unstuck. 3
Author yellowmaverick Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 My xMM would say he brought a crazy MOW into his life. Because cheating made me crazy And I was crazy to confess everything to my H And because I was crazy not to just lie down in front of the bus. I disagree. You were not crazy to confess. You could not have lived with the lies. You will survive this.
Author yellowmaverick Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Journey - I am so sorry for the crap that your H and the OW have put you through. Like you, I will never understand how someone could be so willing to have sex with a married person. I will never forgive my H for bringing this craziness into our lives and for the hurt that he and the OW have caused my children.
Author yellowmaverick Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 so, what you're saying is that this "craziness" has been going on for 2 years? when did you finally decide to take action..... legally, I mean(RO)? I took legal action after about a year. In the beginning, I did not keep the evidence so I had to build a file. I was also trying to give her a chance to leave me and my children alone - I sent her an email that she could have my H as I was not R with him and I gave her many warnings that I would have to take action if she did not cease her stalking. I never knew such craziness before d-day!
rumbleseat Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 I'm sorry you had to deal with that sort of crazy. It's too bad that some people can't take responsibility for their own actions. There is a line oft used on here by some ow that goes something like" no ow can force a mm to cheat if he doesn't want to.". The same is true for an ow. She is responsible for her own actions, and if he she is so immature that she can't act like an adult after all this time then she needs to get some mental health treatment, and a bw should not be afraid to use the legal system to extricate her from her life. If the ow is grown up enough to be in an affair, she;s grown up enough to deal with it ending and not take it out on the mm's bw. Funny how if a bw did this to an ow, the ow would be running her down. after all, how dare she insert herslef into the ow life. Yet if an ow does it, it's because she's been hurt, "gas lighted", etc., which really makes zero sense. After all, what does she expect? She's gotten involved with someone who is already married, if if you choose to insert yourself into someone else's life, sometimes they fight back, and you may not like what they do. OP, good for you for standing up to her and protect you and your children. If the ow has a problem, she can take it up with the man she had the affair with. I would hope that ow take this into consideration when they choose to get into an affair. Most bw will not be pushed around or put up with cr@p just because you can't get your self together when the affair ends and it's not in the ow's favor. 2
Author yellowmaverick Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 I took legal action after about a year. In the beginning, I did not keep the evidence so I had to build a file. I was also trying to give her a chance to leave me and my children alone - I sent her an email that she could have my H as I was not R with him and I gave her many warnings that I would have to take action if she did not cease her stalking. I never knew such craziness before d-day! I'm sorry you had to deal with that sort of crazy. It's too bad that some people can't take responsibility for their own actions. There is a line oft used on here by some ow that goes something like" no ow can force a mm to cheat if he doesn't want to.". The same is true for an ow. She is responsible for her own actions, and if he she is so immature that she can't act like an adult after all this time then she needs to get some mental health treatment, and a bw should not be afraid to use the legal system to extricate her from her life. If the ow is grown up enough to be in an affair, she;s grown up enough to deal with it ending and not take it out on the mm's bw. Funny how if a bw did this to an ow, the ow would be running her down. after all, how dare she insert herslef into the ow life. Yet if an ow does it, it's because she's been hurt, "gas lighted", etc., which really makes zero sense. After all, what does she expect? She's gotten involved with someone who is already married, if if you choose to insert yourself into someone else's life, sometimes they fight back, and you may not like what they do. OP, good for you for standing up to her and protect you and your children. If the ow has a problem, she can take it up with the man she had the affair with. I would hope that ow take this into consideration when they choose to get into an affair. Most bw will not be pushed around or put up with cr@p just because you can't get your self together when the affair ends and it's not in the ow's favor. Couldn't have said it better!
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