Author tiernan Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 Cat, I guess I am still in the sage 1, it has not been even three weeks since I went NC. But within those 3 weeks he broke NC numerous Times, came back to BS and now wants to come back to me. It is too much for me to handle at the moment. I am so confused and also appalled what a weak and pathetic man he is. And that I deserve so much better. I am still NC with him, hasn't replied to anything. I don;t have an urge to. I hope it will stay this way. For now I don;t want him back. But reading posts here I know I am at the beginning of the road and anything can happen when it comes to my emotions.
Author tiernan Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 He is begging me to come back, he moved out from BS after 6 days of staying there, he keeps saying he will do anything if I gave him a Chance, he cannot live without me. I maintain NC for 3 weeks now, after he expressed the wish to come back to his family after 2 years of being with me. Should I at least write back or keep NC?, I begin to be sooooo confused what to do:(
imbetteroff Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 (edited) I had an ex boyfriend that sounds just like your MM, only difference is he wasn't married. He kept going back and forth between me and the OW and I knew I wasn't going to put up with that so after 3 weeks of being back together, I called the OW and told her to come pick him up because I was no longer in love with him, she showed up within 5 minutes. It has been 17 years since and he has made attempts to get back with me, but I won't have any of it, hell no. The 3.5 years we were together were pure hell filled with uncertainty, lies, cheating and pain. We have a child together so sometimes we talk and he never misses an opportunity to bring back the fact that I left him, ha ha. Sorry, I'm no help, but the point I was trying to make is that guys that go back and forth don't really know what they want and until they do so, they will only cause you pain and misery. I was weak with my ex-boyfriend and forgave him and went back with him a few times, but in the end it still didn't work out. Good Luck! Edited September 23, 2013 by imbetteroff
WrinkledForehead Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I had an ex boyfriend that sounds just like your MM, only difference is he wasn't married. He kept going back and forth between me and the OW and I knew I wasn't going to put up with that so after 3 weeks of being back together, I called the OW and told her to come pick him up because I was no longer in love with him, she showed up within 5 minutes. It has been 17 years since and he has made attempts to get back with me, but I won't have any of it, hell no. The 3.5 years we were together were pure hell filled with uncertainty, lies, cheating and pain. We have a child together so sometimes we talk and he never misses an opportunity to bring back the fact that I left him, ha ha. Sorry, I'm no help, but the point I was trying to make is that guys that go back and forth don't really know what they want and until they do so, they will only cause you pain and misery. I was weak with my ex-boyfriend and forgave him and went back with him a few times, but in the end it still didn't work out. Good Luck! Oh goodness. The back and forth is so true. I left my kids' father 3.5 yrs ago. The R was toxic and even after many attempts could not be repaired. When he's lonely and single he still texts me and asks me out for dinner, and sometimes he's ballsy enough to ask for another chance. 2
Goodbye Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Would the "doing anything" include filing for divorce? I'm sorry he is tugging you around.
Author tiernan Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Would the "doing anything" include filing for divorce? I'm sorry he is tugging you around. Yes, thay have a decree nisi already, now in the proces of dividing assets. Everything went well for two years and she started to pull him back and he sarted to hesitate, I went NC and he went back to her, since then is begging me to take him back, should I believe???
harrybrown Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Wait until he is divorced, but I do not think he will be done with his wife forever. You may need to move on to another relationship.
imbetteroff Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I know what your heart is telling you to do. But based on past behavior what does logic, common sense and your gut feeling tell you? To be honest with you if I truly loved him I would take him back, but not after talking with his wife and most definitely having a serious discussion with him. I would also not let him move in right away, I would "date" him for a few months first. The cynic in me would feel like he just wants me so he can have a place to live and someone to have sex with. So yeah, he would not be moving in with me right away, I would make him work to earn my love and trust back.
cocorico Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Yes, thay have a decree nisi already, now in the proces of dividing assets. Everything went well for two years and she started to pull him back and he sarted to hesitate, I went NC and he went back to her, since then is begging me to take him back, should I believe??? When will the decree absolute be handed down? Before then, they can still retract... It sounds to me as though he underwent a sudden panic at the thought of the finality of it all, got cold feet, rushed back thinking it would all be rosy, and got reminded of the reality of the R with her. There's a string chance that that reminder was all he needed to know he's finally done. But there's also a chance that he is still split on this. Is he getting any kind of counselling? I'd suggest he sorts out with a counsellor what he really wants, and once he's done that and has the decree absolute in his hand, consider whether his offer suits you. Until then, it may be too big a risk.
cat Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Ultimately you'll do what you'll do BUT in my estimation, the best thing to do would be this: Respond and say "Contact me again when your divorce is final AND when you've moved into your own apartment. I'll be glad to know when that's complete. After that, contact me after 6 months of living on your own AND continued therapy. That's our only shot of a successful relationship. If that's what you want, you'll take these steps." And then go back to NC. HUGS. It's so hard isn't it??
Author tiernan Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 I haven't replied and continue NC. I have no strength to say or write a word. I am so exhausted emotionally. He will have to realise he cannot win me back and will eventually let me go.
cif Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 I haven't read any responses yet but have been following your story. If you do want to take him back, you need to take him back DIVORCED. Until then, for your own sanity, maintain NC.
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