I am better off alone...

[AnyaNova]

I hope you all will join me in this exercise and post your own list that applies to your situation. I think it can be important to remind ourselves that we are happier alone than in a sub-par relationship that isn't meeting our needs.

 

1) I am happier alone than I am with someone with more baggage than I can help him carry.

 

2) I am happier alone than I am with someone who struggles to discern his own needs.

 

3) I am happier alone than I am with someone who cannot meet me as a completely whole and independent person.

 

4) I am happier alone than I am with someone who is too enmeshed into his family system.

 

5) I am happier alone than I am with someone who so often left me feeling unconfident.

 

6) I am happier alone than I am with someone who would blame his own physical issues on my attractiveness.

 

7) I am happier alone than I am with someone who always seemed to be uncofident at the beginning of each time we got together, as if somehow in the meantime, I might have stopped liking him.

 

8) I am happier alone than with someone who continually sacrifices their own needs and personhood at someone else's altar, destroying themselves in the process.

 

9) I am happier alone than I am with someone who doesn't desire me so much in my absence, that they haven't picked up the phone to call me once since we began no-contact.

 

10) I am happier alone than I am with someone who would let me suffer the loss of another friend through no-contact so close on to the death of my friend last spring.

 

11) I am happier alone than I am with someone who would do number 10, just to restore his own emotional equilibrium, instead of facing his fears about how often he imagined I might be upset or angry, or that I might leave him.

 

12) I am happier alone than I am with someone who does not recognize me, my gifts, and what I bring to the table.

 

13) I am happier alone than I am with someone who never once (as far as I can remember) complimented me as soon as he saw me, when my hair and makeup and clothes were fresh and perfect.

 

14) I am happier alone than I am with someone who I wasn't even originally going to go out with.

 

15) I am happier alone than I am with someone who would impulsively break up with me because the night before they hadn't felt anything for me.

 

16) I am happier alone than I am with someone who avoids being upfront to avoid conflict, but ends up causing major issues to be undealt with and magnified.

 

I deserve someone who will be a solid rock for me, and who I can support. I deserve someone who recognizes that feelings in a long term relationship are transitory. Sometimes you feel them hugely, and sometimes not so much, but it is your caring for your partner that carries you through. I deserve someone who knows what he needs, wants, and desires, and will seek to (as long as they don't hurt anybody else) follow them, so that he his following his own path. I deserve someone who will see what I have to offer, the intelligence, the autonomy, the confidence, the imagination, the ability to see things quickly that other people take quite awhile to get to, and due to my ability to withhold judgment, my ability to be an extremely good listener and someone to confide in.

 

I deserve someone who will be there for me and love me, and whom I can be there for and love.

[todreaminblue]

I am happier alone until the right guy comes along who changes that view...

 

 

i dont really need to pick apart what i haven't gotten in a relationship pr pick apart my exes flaws.....where they failed...a new relationship will be unique and a fresh start not a rehash waiting for the penny to drop ...i have done that to death...i just know what i want....and the right guy will have what i want and need and i will be what he wants and needs.....and i will accept the fact always, that relationship will never be perfect but...ill take as close as i can get....to keep it real.........deb

[sniperz]

I feel sometimes girls should think using the mind instead of the heart and this is why there's complication in most of the love life.

 

Do you agree?

[AnyaNova]

I guess for me, it helps to be able to have a very specific list to keep me from over-idealizing the relationship and only remembering the best parts of it.

 

It isn't about tearing down my ex-partner. He has a massive list of good qualities as well, including being very shy and sweet (but not the most experienced at relationships). But if I focus on those right now I am doomed to continue to get sucked into not moving on like I should. He has made it clear that no matter how difficult it was to send me from his life, that is what he wanted. His choice.

 

Also, this exercise will give me a roadmap for the future, for seeing more quickly what areas of a relationship aren't meeting my needs, so that I can constructively act on it before getting slammed again.

 

And I certainly agree that women need to use their heads in relationships. It is just quite difficult. the biochemistry of the brain has proven this. :-)

[GeneralJennyJenn]

I try to remind myself sometimes

I rather be alone and lonely sometimes. Then be in a bad relationship and miserable all of the time

[Phoe]

I have always been happy while alone, and thus, know that I can continue to be happy.

[Never Again]

And I certainly agree that women need to use their heads in relationships. It is just quite difficult. the biochemistry of the brain has proven this. :-)

 

*sighs heavily and curses dopamine and oxytocin*

 

I suppose I'm better off without someone who relies on those giddy, romantic feelings to determine if their partner is a good fit.

 

Perhaps I'm better off without someone who never bothered to ask if I was okay or how she could help when I was obviously struggling for 6 weeks, lost interest during that time and kicked me to the curb just as I was finally getting better.

 

Maybe I'm better off without someone who couldn't have a backbone to tell me when I'd stepped out of line, so the point where I felt bad about being assertive and backed off.

 

Mostly, I know I'm better off alone. Not because of anyone else, but because of me. I accidentally pushed away a great thing because the actions of several third parties was causing me a lot of anxiety. I'll deal with me first, and maybe I'll get a cat.

[Brown-Eyez]

I hope you all will join me in this exercise and post your own list that applies to your situation. I think it can be important to remind ourselves that we are happier alone than in a sub-par relationship that isn't meeting our needs.

 

1) I am happier alone than I am with someone with more baggage than I can help him carry.

 

2) I am happier alone than I am with someone who struggles to discern his own needs.

 

3) I am happier alone than I am with someone who cannot meet me as a completely whole and independent person.

 

4) I am happier alone than I am with someone who is too enmeshed into his family system.

 

5) I am happier alone than I am with someone who so often left me feeling unconfident.

 

6) I am happier alone than I am with someone who would blame his own physical issues on my attractiveness.

 

7) I am happier alone than I am with someone who always seemed to be uncofident at the beginning of each time we got together, as if somehow in the meantime, I might have stopped liking him.

 

8) I am happier alone than with someone who continually sacrifices their own needs and personhood at someone else's altar, destroying themselves in the process.

 

9) I am happier alone than I am with someone who doesn't desire me so much in my absence, that they haven't picked up the phone to call me once since we began no-contact.

 

10) I am happier alone than I am with someone who would let me suffer the loss of another friend through no-contact so close on to the death of my friend last spring.

 

11) I am happier alone than I am with someone who would do number 10, just to restore his own emotional equilibrium, instead of facing his fears about how often he imagined I might be upset or angry, or that I might leave him.

 

12) I am happier alone than I am with someone who does not recognize me, my gifts, and what I bring to the table.

 

13) I am happier alone than I am with someone who never once (as far as I can remember) complimented me as soon as he saw me, when my hair and makeup and clothes were fresh and perfect.

 

14) I am happier alone than I am with someone who I wasn't even originally going to go out with.

 

15) I am happier alone than I am with someone who would impulsively break up with me because the night before they hadn't felt anything for me.

 

16) I am happier alone than I am with someone who avoids being upfront to avoid conflict, but ends up causing major issues to be undealt with and magnified.

 

I deserve someone who will be a solid rock for me, and who I can support. I deserve someone who recognizes that feelings in a long term relationship are transitory. Sometimes you feel them hugely, and sometimes not so much, but it is your caring for your partner that carries you through. I deserve someone who knows what he needs, wants, and desires, and will seek to (as long as they don't hurt anybody else) follow them, so that he his following his own path. I deserve someone who will see what I have to offer, the intelligence, the autonomy, the confidence, the imagination, the ability to see things quickly that other people take quite awhile to get to, and due to my ability to withhold judgment, my ability to be an extremely good listener and someone to confide in.

 

I deserve someone who will be there for me and love me, and whom I can be there for and love.

 

+1 on #5, 12 and especially 16!!