Kylie1 Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 So I met a guy last week online on a dating site. He lives 35 miles away. We text but haven't met in person. While we were texting today I said I may go out where I live and he said if he can join me. I think it's early to meet this soon and I said no worries then he got upset with me saying that if I don't want to meet him I should just tell him. I think he is being too pushy by saying that. He also started calling me names like baby when he texts?! Do you guys think that I'm freaking out because we met online or he indeed sounds pushy and needy?
Syconort Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 (edited) Could you explain how it is too early to meet? Why does online dating give people the impression that it's about prolonging a date for as long as possible? If you meet somebody offline, you know less about them than you do somebody online (if they've got a decent profile), yet arranging a date or whatever is normal. After a few messages, and definitely a phone conversation, naturally you should be talking about meeting each other. I don't think a week is too early at all, but obviously that can depend on the situation. He's calling you baby because he's flirting! That's generally what people do when they're attracted to each other. Couple of reason he might have become upset when you rejected him: rejection is hard to swallow, maybe he's sick of speaking to other women online who have no intention of meeting up. Or, maybe he's a needy clingy psychopath who will bring his stuff round on your first date and change the locks? Impossible to tell without having spoken to him myself, but as a guy I can tell you it is mightily frustrating how most women resist meeting up after having met online, though there are a LOT of weirdos so I can understand the reservations. Edited September 21, 2013 by Syconort
soccerrprp Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 To add to Syconort, What bothers you? The fact he wants to see you after a week or b/c he is from OLD? If he was someone you met at a grocery store or some group event, how would that be different? If you met someone from IRL dating and he asked to meet after a week of talking, chatting, texting, would you be as critical? I have only dated OLD since I returned to the dating world. I typically ask to meet up within a week or week and a half after regular communication. Nothing sinister about that. Good luck.
FitChick Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Meet him somewhere during the day. Is there a local sporting event you could attend or play tennis together or go to a local tourist spot?
crederer Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 He doesn't sound pushy or needy at all. He thinks you're not interested because if you were interested you'd be open to meeting by now. If you're not interested, you should tell him. If you are interested but there are legit reasons why you don't want to meet yet, you should tell him these reasons.
MalachiX Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 This thread reminds me of a trend I've been noticing OKCupid recently. I'll start messaging someone who I seem to have a lot in common with. We'll message back and forth and seem to have a real connection with long messages and each of us asking a lot about each others lives. Then, after about three rounds (three messages and three replies); I'll ask if she'd like to meet up at some point. Suddenly, she goes dark and I never hear from her again. This had never happened to me before but it's happened three times in the last month. As a guy, I have to admit that it's very frustrating and I even shut down my account for a while because it made me feel so bad. Most guys are on there because we are looking to have a relationship that's not online only and we're also told by a lot of our female friends that waiting too long to meet can lose a woman's interest. We also know that it's hard to determine chemistry through text. If you like to take a long time before you meet someone then PUT THAT ON YOUR PROFILE. If you're basically on there just to talk to people and never meet then PUT THAT ON YOUR PROFILE. Most nice guys don't have any problem with respecting your wishes as long as you make your wishes known. We just don't like feel like we're being played with. It actually really hurts to think you have a connection with someone and then find they have no intention of anything else. 1
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