Who Do You Attract?

[MrCastle]

This is not about what kind of people you're into but rather what kind of people are into you?

 

Do you notice a pattern in the physical appearances or personality traits of people that show interest in you?

 

Are they similar to you in any way? Are they complete opposite of you?

 

Do you think we have control over who we attract or is it just the way it is?

[Weezy1973]

I'm smart and funny, but not sexy or hunky. I attract women that are attracted to smart and funny, but I don't attract women that are attracted to sexy and hunky.

 

And there are more than enough women that like smart and funny to keep me busy!

[L1ght]

All kinds. That's the beauty of it for me. I have always attracted women who were totally different from the last.

I think its because I'm totally open minded and in the right situation I just let loose and open myself up to the women I'm attracted to in the right circumstances. I've lost count of the amount of times I've heard a girl say "I don't normally go for guys like you" but by the end of the night things progress and I at least get her phone number.

I have no type. There is beauty in every "type" of woman.

[Avulare]

Based on the guys I turn down... Cigarette smokers, alcoholics, potheads, dumb guys, obese guys, unmotivated guys, guys with poor hygiene, *******s...

[L1ght]

As far as having control over who we attract? Yes its definitely possible if we choose to be selective ourselves and act a certain way that would get a positive reaction from a certain type of woman.

Different women like different things and the key to being successful with different types is to judge the best way to act around them in a way that you can tell makes them feel comfortable around you....you can sense it.

It also depends on you as a guy and where your mind is at in a certain period in your life. Sometimes I'm the fun outgoing type and other times I'm the strong and silent type depending on what's happening in my life at that particular time. These kinds of variables no doubt have an impact on who we attract at a given time.

Edited September 21, 2013 by L1ght

[soccerrprp]

Since I've only OLDated since I started dating again and have been the one who pursues for the most part, I get interest from the women that I am most interested in. My profile stated my lifestyle and expectations clearly, so women who me them approached when they did. But, for the most part, I have had complete control over what types of women I was in a relationship with.

 

Even IRL dating long ago, I pursued, so dated only the girls that I thought were my type.

 

On a rare occasion, I would get a message from someone who wasn't a person of my interest....

[Leigh 87]

Hmmmmmm.

 

I am not even sure! I do not go out much.

 

Anyone from the quiet conservative guy in finance on my European tour, who was a fussy guy and would not go for anyone else in the tour but me, right through to guys who live for riding motor bikes and driving cars fast (polar opposite to pretty boy in finance).

 

Right through to this FWB who was attracted to me, who had not had sex in over 2 years cos he was just a plain strange guy; yet good looking.

 

Guys who have not had sex in years have gone for me a few times!? I am non judgmental to people in my real life, though people on here would argue otherwise.

 

Guys tell me that feel comfortable around me and that I am not judgmental towards them.

 

Looks are NOT a common factor. Very good looking guys, right down to average guys approach.

[Keenly]

I get shy , book smart yet socially awkward intellectuals and crazy jealous controlling turns-out-they're-psychotics.

 

 

Every girl that I attract also has a birthday in January .

[KatZee]

Honestly--Italian guys. Every single guy that's been into me, or that I've dated has wound up being at least half Italian. Not sure why this is. I attract them like flies.

[miss_jaclynrae]

This is not about what kind of people you're into but rather what kind of people are into you?

 

Do you notice a pattern in the physical appearances or personality traits of people that show interest in you?

 

Are they similar to you in any way? Are they complete opposite of you?

 

Do you think we have control over who we attract or is it just the way it is?

 

I literally attract many kinds of men.

No true patterns, or appearances. No distinct personality traits.

As for being similar, it is really hard to say. I never get[got] a true to chance to get to know many of them.

 

I don't believe in having any control what-so-ever. It is always so different with me. For example, at school, tons of black guys.

At the bar... oh my lord there were some gorgeous handsome white guys hitting on me. Some old not so cute ones too.

[MrCastle]

I attract a lot of different kinds subculturally. I think a lot of that has to do with appearance. I stick to the classic white t-shirt and jeans look, so it's sort of a catch all.

 

I suppose if I dressed more hip hop style, I'd attract mostly hip hop chicks. Or if I dressed more alternative, alternative chicks, etc.

 

I went through a grunge phase where I wore a lot plaid shirts with band shirts underneath and not surprisingly attracted alternative rocker chicks.

 

Overall I'd have to say I mostly attract petite latin chicks, mainly Puerto Ricans like myself. Never Cubans, or Dominicans (we have a feud like thing going on with Dominicans) or any other latin group except Ricans for the most part. It's weird. I mean the attraction is there before they know I'm Rican.

 

If I attract white girls they are usually hipsters and almost always Irish or a group near that part of Europe. Never Italians. But most Italians in my area are very Jersey Shore-esque and only stick with people who fit that mold.

 

I'm strictly talking about people that come up to you. I love the entire spectrum of women so I go after all different kinds and as such my dating history is varied but I'm talking about, if I were to sit back and only date girls who showed interest in me, it would be mostly Rican chicks and Irish hipsters.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Lately, I attract hot dumb men probably because I spend a lot of time in the gym.

[emva07]

Men who aren't afraid of rejection. My first (and only bf) I've ever had even confessed that it takes a man with balls to ask me out but he figured the worse that could happen was a no in which case he was ready to beg....turned out to be a cheater (so much for being obsessed with me).

 

Apparently I intimidate men

 

And apparently if it weren't for me being a B-cup and the fact that I speak perfect English, people wouldn't know the difference between me and Salma Hayek

 

I'm not even Mexican.

[candie13]

Highly independent, with their own opinion on life. High artistic sensibility. Very much into their work, but not book smarts, more life smarts. Very self centered. Exciting and sensual, but utterly cold or withdrawn, deep down inside. emotionally unavailable. A bit untrue, a bit insecure deep down inside. Some quite scared, really - and I feel that vulnerability. Most of the times, I find it endearing, it's like they really really need love, confirmation, support.

 

They find me attractive and warm, love my attention & the fact that I give and give. They are absolute takers. All of them have a hard time letting me go, yet all of them are very bad for me. Most of them have a hard time letting me in, none of them is strong enough to confront me, they are too preoccupied with themselves or what it is that they are going through, to focus on me & my needs.

 

I know now it's the thrills they promise to offer, the challenge that excites me. As if, if I make them give me things - warmth, attention, time, love - I am worthy. As if I am fighting against my abandonment issues by making these guys break their pattern. The funny thing is they never change, yet they don't want me to leave either. We're just very bad for eachother.

 

I'm yet to understand how to spot the emotional unavailability. Short term, my resolution is simple: yeah, flirting, enjoying a good time. But, by God, I will watch just how much they are willing to give. In attention. In attending to me. No? Too busy? Too... Self preoccupied? Out the door you go, my dear. You and all your fancy toys ! I am done with this sort of guys.

[candie13]

Of, I didn't talk about sensuality enough. They are hot hot hot in bad, and cold cold cold in their heart. They are affectionate and we progress to the "I love you" phase. But nope, I don't get in. I just get the attraction to fight off.

 

Another trait they have: they are active, they have hobbies & are always on the move (maybe because they're running away from themselves so fast, hshaha).

 

I seem to prefer the French, Belgium type. The hot & cold combination. They usually are tall or a bit stocky. I am reasonably tall and curvy, I guess those skinny guys prefer dead skinny girls.

 

It is true that I seem to prefer the blonde with blue eyes. Not pretty - I don't find baby or magazine faces attractive. I like that they are less expansive socially. Reserved. They like to banter - I love that. They like to chase and they like to take their time.

 

Never dated an Italian. Dated a half Spanish guy - but he was half Swiss too. Not my thing.

 

Was talking to a friend of mine - i am not attracted to Alpha males. Too self assured & potentially shallow. I mean, i appreciate a guy with charisma, but i prefer a guy who tries to get to know me / impress me with their witt, instead of looks. I guess most guys choose their girls amongst those potentially attracted to them. I'm not part of the Alpha male cheering crowd. I get bored quickly, cannot stand getting bored when dating.

[fanine]

I tend to attract dark-haired, olive or darker skinned type of men - which is good as that is type I generally go for anyway. I am naturally very blonde and very fair-skinned, so I basically like, and find I attract, the complete opposite to me.

I'm english but have only ever had one real 'english' boyfriend. All the rest have been either from other countries (usually latin ones, spanish, italian etc) or were born here in the UK but came from say an Indian background.

 

That is just going by looks though. When it comes to personality I don't like it when men try to smother me at the beginning and I do tend to attract the stronger types. I often find once I get to know these stronger types, underneath they are far more insecure and soft then you would ever think...

[EasyHeart]

I depends on what you mean by "attract".

 

I'm in a very conservative business, so I look/dress/act very conservatively for professional reasons. But I'm not at all like that on the inside. So if we're talking about initial attraction, I tend to attract a lot of educated, successful professional women. But once we get to know each other, I tend to frighten them and they tend to bore me.

 

When it comes to longer term dating, I tend to date women with a bit of an edge, especially artists and entertainers of some sort. It's definitely an Accountant-and-the-Showgirl sort of thing.

[runningfar]

If it's randomly approaching, no. I see no similarities.

 

If it's people I know well and then they show interest, usually great guys- intelligent and nice!

 

Well, hmm, let me see. I seem to attract tall guys. 6'1 plus. I'm short myself. Usually they have been brunettes, but statistically speaking I'm not sure that's so odd. The people I know well and show interest tend to be Caucasian though I have been randomly approached by all ethnicities, but-- never once anyone who appears to be of far-east Asian heritage. Apparently I am not attractive to them. I never have entertained dates with somebody I didn't know well first so I'm not sure about the personality traits.

[waiting4u]

This is a great thread. I think it's helpful to look at dating patterns. I do think we attract opposites and we don't have much control over it.

 

For some reason I attract men who are really insecure - either fiery and broken or passive and giving. Often they have alcohol issues, anger issues, or depression. They also tend to be anxious clingy. It never works out - for obvious reasons.

 

I have trouble respecting men who don't stand up for themselves, so I tend to stay longer with the fiery broken type. My friend says I go for guys who are "tortured souls," but I'm also attracted to arrogance. I have a tendency to want to help people and am less intimidated by men who seem to have something wrong with them I guess. The good news is I'm aware of my problem here and am much more cautious these days.

 

My type: dark hair, arrogant, artsy intellectual. I married a musician and dated a writer for several years.

Edited September 21, 2013 by waiting4u

[candie13]

I depends on what you mean by "attract".

 

I'm in a very conservative business, so I look/dress/act very conservatively for professional reasons. But I'm not at all like that on the inside. So if we're talking about initial attraction, I tend to attract a lot of educated, successful professional women. But once we get to know each other, I tend to frighten them and they tend to bore me.

 

When it comes to longer term dating, I tend to date women with a bit of an edge, especially artists and entertainers of some sort. It's definitely an Accountant-and-the-Showgirl sort of thing.

 

Totally understand you. The guys I end up dating are not in large corporations, they are more unusual. My ex of 7 years was in the television industry, my last bf was in the jewelry business. One never owned a suit in his life, the other was exactly like you: had to dress very conservatively, but was a free spirit, really.

[carhill]

Do you notice a pattern in the physical appearances or personality traits of people that show interest in you?

 

Historically, they tend to be generally considered by other men to be attractive and have ranged from stable to disordered.

 

Are they similar to you in any way? Are they complete opposite of you?

 

They historically have either been globally or situationally similarly emotionally open, or at least presented the appearance of such, as one similarity. As an opposite, generally, their interest in myself, once it served their purposes, terminated. I generally don't roll like that.

 

Do you think we have control over who we attract or is it just the way it is?

 

I tend to believe one has no control over other people but one does have control of how one presents oneself and reacts to what the world and life throws at them.

 

As a disclaimer, none of the anecdotes represented as 'attracted' have been single, to my knowledge. The most representative ones have been either clearly married or later were discovered to be married. The largest group, the single ladies from over 20 years of meeting, greeting and dating, were not attracted in any proactive sense, meaning they showed it in any demonstrative way, but rather reacted, at varying levels, to the attraction I demonstrated. IMO, this has been a function of my demographic, in that women are so often and vigorously pursued that they essentially 'let in' the desired examples and the rest are ignored. They don't, except for certain high status males, pursue men to the extent of showing attraction besides existing and occupying space.

 

My latest iteration of this is a nice young lady who is quite deferential and always engaging me where there is no need to. She happens to work for my best friend. Very friendly, beyond the friendliness of other ladies in his employ. Normally, in another time of life, I might think she is 'attracted'. She's a magnet for the blue collar males who work there, married and single. She has a quite lovely boyfriend.

 

Life goes on.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I'm a short, good-looking, intelligent white guy with a high salary and somewhat high status job.

 

So I tend to attract two kinds of women:

 

1) Short minorities (usually Asian and Latinas)

2) Intelligent women in my career field

 

I prefer the short minorities though.

 

As far as girlfriends, when a person gets to know me, I have a somewhat difficult personality and I'm eccentric. So I generally date women are laid back and understanding.

 

As far as bars, anything goes. I've had one night stands with all types of women.

[Antenna_Of_Destiny]

I have gone through several appearance changes, and there hasn't been any difference in the types of people I attract. Some might attribute this to my more permanent facial features, but I don't consider my face to be particularly notable in any way. I do have other things going for me though.

 

I had a number of different hair lengths and facial hair styles before settling on my clean shaven, medium length slicked back side part with very short sides.

 

I have done most of the continuum of extremes:

 

I have been bald with a goatee that goes down to my chest (think Kratos from God of War)

 

I have had shoulder length hair with a fully grown out beard (Think the pirate Black Beard)

[Lokie]

Black and very short Hispanic/Latino men tend to be attracted to me as I am a tall, curvy blonde. But my exes have all been white, with varying degrees of hair and eye color - ranging in height from 5'8" to 6'5". I find that I am most attracted to Hispanic coloring with lots of dark hair and brown eyes, yet have never actually dated one.

 

A personality will win me over though. I am very outgoing and playful, when I find a match in that department, look out! But these type of men tend to like their opposite, not me. :-( Today, I am keeping my eyes wide open to pay attention to their character, not my physical attraction to them or their charisma.

[BlueJeanTangerine]

This is not about what kind of people you're into but rather what kind of people are into you?

 

Do you notice a pattern in the physical appearances or personality traits of people that show interest in you?

 

Are they similar to you in any way? Are they complete opposite of you?

 

Do you think we have control over who we attract or is it just the way it is?

 

All types not any one specific in appearance or traits. Some are similar to me in some ways such as likes and dislikes. And some have been complete opposite which doesn't work for me.

 

Interesting question, in a way I guess we could have control by how we present ourselves, through body language etc. If you're sending a message that you're not interested I'd imagine someone who is attracted to me would get it = me having control. Broad question and I think it all depends on how/if we know this person, location (i.e. workplace, school, grocery store, bar).