I need an intervention I want to contact OW.

[photogirl2006]

I want to contact the OW. She has put crazy stuff on Google that I know is directed at my husband. HE has had NC with her for seven weeks, as far as I know. There are all these morbid and depressed photos about him not loving her, etc. I want to tell her off. I have never felt such a passion to freak out on someone. I already did briefly on FB when Dday came in August. But then I actually apologized to her. I did! I mean...seriously?! She never answered me and then I blocked her on FB.

 

I am shaking so bad. Tell me not to do it!

[solostand]

Read my post in the thread horrible things bs have done to you.

 

There are some things you may learn that you can never unlearn.

 

It will upset you and traumatize you and neither one of you will come out the winner.

[Journee]

Do not contact her if you feel that it will set you back. You have a long road of recovery yourself. She will vent and carry on whether she has your opinion or not. If you contact her it will just add fuel to her dramatics. Silence is very powerful.

 

Just post here your pain and frustration. Talk to us. It's a dreary rainy day here. If nothing else I'll be checking in on you here.

 

Just talk to us.

[whatatangledweb]

She wants to be contacted. She wants to feel like she matters. Don't provide those for her. The best revenge is to show her how much she means by ignoring her.

[ChooseTruth]

Do not contact her if you feel that it will set you back. You have a long road of recovery yourself. She will vent and carry on whether she has your opinion or not. If you contact her it will just add fuel to her dramatics. Silence is very powerful.

 

Just post here your pain and frustration. Talk to us. It's a dreary rainy day here. If nothing else I'll be checking in on you here.

 

Just talk to us.

Yup. She will just use whatever you say to make you look like the crazy one. Let it out here instead. What do you want to say to her? Let us be your punching bag. Pretend I'm OW.

 

:(My boyfriend left me:( How could he do this to me? How could he betray me like this?

[ladydesigner]

I agree with the others, do not contact her. It will only bring you more pain. OW doesn't matter to you just like you do not matter to her. She is a non-entity, treat her as such.

 

Get yourself strong and into some IC (individual counseling). Focus on YOU and nothing but YOU until you feel mentally healthy, then deal with your WH. He is the one who has to figure out what went wrong. He needs to figure out why he has poor boundaries and bad coping skills.

[ladydesigner]

Read my post in the thread horrible things bs have done to you.

 

There are some things you may learn that you can never unlearn.

 

It will upset you and traumatize you and neither one of you will come out the winner.

 

Um okay

[photogirl2006]

I don't even know what I'd say to her at this point. Just ... why? What the hell did I do to you? What did my ******* of a husband say about me since I know he is a compulsive liar (says he does want help for it...and I do think he really does!). What the hell is wrong with you that you would do something like this?

 

But none of it matters. I can see by her posts she is a totally messed up person.

 

I know you are all right about the attention thing. That's what she's looking for and maybe I was too. When it first started I shared stuff on Google Plus, which I don't use and made sure it was public because I knew she was on there. Talk about childish on my part. BUt then I forgot I did that. I just have to go block her like I did on FB. It's the only thing to do.

[photogirl2006]

What I would love to do is keep her unblocked from everything and put up posts about all my husband and I are doing together to rub it in her face ... but I know that isn't right and just adds fuel to the fire and will make it all worse in the long run.

[ladydesigner]

What I would love to do is keep her unblocked from everything and put up posts about all my husband and I are doing together to rub it in her face ... but I know that isn't right and just adds fuel to the fire and will make it all worse in the long run.

 

You don't need to Hon, she knows he is with you. That alone kills her, but I understand what you mean. I'm sorry you are hurting. In the beginning it feels like the pain never ends. You will reach a point of peace when you are ready.

[Journee]

I don't even know what I'd say to her at this point. Just ... why? What the hell did I do to you? What did my ******* of a husband say about me since I know he is a compulsive liar (says he does want help for it...and I do think he really does!). What the hell is wrong with you that you would do something like this?

 

But none of it matters. I can see by her posts she is a totally messed up person.

 

I know you are all right about the attention thing. That's what she's looking for and maybe I was too. When it first started I shared stuff on Google Plus, which I don't use and made sure it was public because I knew she was on there. Talk about childish on my part. BUt then I forgot I did that. I just have to go block her like I did on FB. It's the only thing to do.

 

 

 

A hard lesson to learn is that her behavior has nothing to do with you. You did NOT deserve this. Nothing you could have said or done would had changed her intentions her actions with your husband. It has been made plain and clear that most Others don't even bat an eye about the betrayed. We do not matter. We are collateral damage. There is nothing wrong with reflecting on your marriage or yourself but please don't internalize her behavior. Some people will justify heinous behavior because really they could not participate otherwise.

 

I tried to understand Others more by reading here. There really is nothing to understand. There isn't a good enough reason or excuse. It will not make sense to us because it isn't sensible.

 

You did not deserve this even if your H had to delude them both to make it happen. You just did not deserve this.

[photogirl2006]

I really didn't deserve it. I've gone over and over in my head the things I did wrong in my marriage and I failed in several ways but nothing I did could have required him to do this to me. I am blown apart inside...that's the only way to describe it. I loved him with my whole heart and now I don't know what to think of him. I loved him, trusted him utterly and completely....I don't think I can ever get that back again. We are tryig ...he is trying hard but that blind love.....it's gone.

 

She took it and the bitch doesn't even care. She's on Google mocking me right now with posts she is putting up. Something about karma, which made me snort out loud....karma is what is coming for her...not me. I have done nothing to her....the day I found out I sent her a FB message and told her I wanted her to die. I was horrified I wrote such a thing and wrote back immediately "I am so sorry...I do not mean that...I'm just very angry" and then I stopped talking to her and later blocked her. I have blocked and unblocked, looking at her over and over and over again to try to figure out what she had/has that I didn't/don't. I studied her ugly face and read her ugly quotes about "F*** you I am who I am and I don't care if you don't like it.." and wondered if this is the type of person my husband wanted all along. I still wonder this.

 

A hard lesson to learn is that her behavior has nothing to do with you. You did NOT deserve this. Nothing you could have said or done would had changed her intentions her actions with your husband. It has been made plain and clear that most Others don't even bat an eye about the betrayed. We do not matter. We are collateral damage. There is nothing wrong with reflecting on your marriage or yourself but please don't internalize her behavior. Some people will justify heinous behavior because really they could not participate otherwise.

 

I tried to understand Others more by reading here. There really is nothing to understand. There isn't a good enough reason or excuse. It will not make sense to us because it isn't sensible.

 

You did not deserve this even if your H had to delude them both to make it happen. You just did not deserve this.

[whichwayisup]

I don't even know what I'd say to her at this point. Just ... why? What the hell did I do to you? What did my ******* of a husband say about me since I know he is a compulsive liar (says he does want help for it...and I do think he really does!). What the hell is wrong with you that you would do something like this?

 

But none of it matters. I can see by her posts she is a totally messed up person.

 

I know you are all right about the attention thing. That's what she's looking for and maybe I was too. When it first started I shared stuff on Google Plus, which I don't use and made sure it was public because I knew she was on there. Talk about childish on my part. BUt then I forgot I did that. I just have to go block her like I did on FB. It's the only thing to do.

 

Pity her. Really, she's pathetic and doesn't give a crap about anybody. Vent it out here or write it out for yourself, all that you want to say to her, get it out of your system, it'll help make you feel better.

 

Telling her how you feel, makes you vunerable and if she does reply are you prepared for a possible nasty answer or what if she makes up lies and twists things even more, making you doubt your husband even more. She could cause a lot of strife, so its' just not worth it.

 

Stop reading what she is blogging about! It just makes you feel bad, so no more okay!

[Journee]

I really didn't deserve it. I've gone over and over in my head the things I did wrong in my marriage and I failed in several ways but nothing I did could have required him to do this to me. I am blown apart inside...that's the only way to describe it. I loved him with my whole heart and now I don't know what to think of him. I loved him, trusted him utterly and completely....I don't think I can ever get that back again. We are tryig ...he is trying hard but that blind love.....it's gone.

 

She took it and the bitch doesn't even care. She's on Google mocking me right now with posts she is putting up. Something about karma, which made me snort out loud....karma is what is coming for her...not me. I have done nothing to her....the day I found out I sent her a FB message and told her I wanted her to die. I was horrified I wrote such a thing and wrote back immediately "I am so sorry...I do not mean that...I'm just very angry" and then I stopped talking to her and later blocked her. I have blocked and unblocked, looking at her over and over and over again to try to figure out what she had/has that I didn't/don't. I studied her ugly face and read her ugly quotes about "F*** you I am who I am and I don't care if you don't like it.." and wondered if this is the type of person my husband wanted all along. I still wonder

this.

 

 

 

 

I can relate and I know many a BS can too. The OW in my case and I could not had been more different. I have baggage and all that but this chick is a hot mess. Physically we are totally different. Morally... no question different. I couldn't believe it when we met. I finally became real to her and she knew the score. It's a mind F for certain. It made me question a lot about what he may really want. Then came my questioning what I really want. That is empowering.

 

You have a lot of different emotions and pains coming your way. Don't act on a whim. It is a crazy ride. For some reason cheaters and their partners like to make the affair about the BS's worth... about one upping. It's not about that. It's the issues that they carry and project onto the betrayed. Our worth isn't diminished and the affair says nothing about us as a person but it speaks volumes about them.

 

What you are wondering is perfectly normal.

Edited September 21, 2013 by Journee

[Furious]

Photogirl

 

You're understandably upset and hurting. It's excruciating to hurt this bad when you've done nothing to deserve this pain.

 

The thing that helped me focus was looking at the big picture beyond the pain.

 

A cheating man is not worth fighting for or fighting with the OW over him. As for any affair partner who in order to have done this, is someone who clearly must have issues far greater than you can imagine.

 

It seems that many scorned OW lash out at the betrayed spouse in order to hurt the MM. So many OW need to believe the betrayed spouse is a horrible person as this gives them a reason to be in the affair.

 

Don't allow her to bring you down to her level. Rise above it and take the high road and do not allow her to lower yourself to her level.

 

Your husband is sitting back and watching two women fight over his lying cheating ass and it feeds his ego.

 

Too often women clash over a loser, a man who can lie and deceive and sleep well at night.

 

This is the time to love yourself and to respect yourself first and foremost.

 

Imagine a better life and take the steps you need to achieve it for you and your child. You are smarter and stronger than you realize.

 

Take action, consult a lawyer, get your ducks in order. Don't waste your energy fighting the OW and trying to prove your worth to your cheating husband.

 

You already know you're worth and it's more than the awful mess your husband and his affair partner created. You did not have a vote or say in this but was only dragged into it without your knowledge.

 

Your value is set by you and it's time to reclaim the lovely and strong woman you are.

Edited September 21, 2013 by Furious

[photogirl2006]

Thank you for all the responses. I blocked her on Google +. She's already blocked on FB and on our phones. My husband has blocked her on FB and doesn't have a Google+ account that I can tell. He had me watch him block her on FB and then gave me the passwords to all his online accounts.

 

He says all this has been a wake up call to him to who he really wants to be with and it's not her.....He was stressed out by me..I can NOT imagine, after seeing some of the stuff she shares how he would have survived with her. SHe would have cheated on him like she did years ago and he would have had to somehow deal with her husband and four kids ...it's crazy that he even entertained the idea, if he did. I don't know that yet.

 

Anyhow, thank you all for talking me out of it.

[photogirl2006]

My husband said to me tonight, when I told him I felt lke contacting her (but didn't tell him what is on Google + ) he said "I can't stop you from contacting her, but I don't feel it will help us or help us move forward. You have to do what you feel is right, but I don't feel its going to help."

 

I know he is right...is he afraid of what she will tell me? Possibly...more like probably...but....I'm afraid too.

[affairaddict]

Maybe she posts photos because she loved him and your husband participated in a relationship with her?

Honestly too much anger towards the Ow all the time. Your husband the man you trusted and loved cheated. Direct your anger on him. Other woman is nothing to you. Why are you blaming her? Is it easier to see your husband as lead astray by her? Let me tell you it's never like that. It amazes me how quick these men turn coats when discovered. It's so pathetic I would have zero respect for my husband messing around with a bit on the side

Edited September 22, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[yellowmaverick]

If you are R, don't contact her. The goal of you and your H should be to get her out of your lives for good. Good luck to you.

[whichwayisup]

My husband said to me tonight, when I told him I felt lke contacting her (but didn't tell him what is on Google + ) he said "I can't stop you from contacting her, but I don't feel it will help us or help us move forward. You have to do what you feel is right, but I don't feel its going to help."

 

I know he is right...is he afraid of what she will tell me? Possibly...more like probably...but....I'm afraid too.

 

Go ahead and tell her off, vent it out at her in microsoft word and rid of what's been boiling up inside you for a while now. Don't contact her, even though you want to, she's so not worth it. Yeah she owns half of this as it takes two to have an A and she went into this willingly, a partner in crime so to speak and knew he was married so she is NOT a victim at all.

 

Maybe you should tell him what's on google plus! if she is saying crap online, he needs to know too.

 

He has no right to tell you if it'll help, he may be afraid of what she'll say, fill in blanks, but that choice is yours not his.

[Coolit]

Sometimes, sometimes OWs know the whole truth and the WH doesn't want them anywhere near their BW. And I do agree with Affair addict In the sense that oo much anger gets directed at the AP in many cases. It seems to be a coping mechanism to help with forgiving the ws. The truth is. Every bs whether they reconcile or not is a better person if they dismiss the AP from their life.

Just as AP have no reason when it ends to lat the blam at the BS feet.

 

Yes, she should never have involved herself with your H. But she is nobody to you. He broke the vows and your trust. He is the one that needs to do the work to recover the marriage. You, pg, need to focus on letting it go. As I said, if you know by her reputation that she is unstable and not going to give you any truth then don't contact her. But if you only know things about her thru your H then I would say pay little heed to what he has said about her.

 

I forgot are you in counselling? You very much need to be seeing someone. I also recommend if you keep considering suicide to check yourself in to the hospital.

[pinkstraws]

I wrote to the OW a few weeks ago because she publishes a blog online and had written a few about my H and says things like "true love opens the door for greater compassion and empathy" Uh huh. Yep. Anyway, this is what I said and I meant it:

 

"Be aware that I will not react passively to any attempt on your part to publicly write about your immoral interactions with my husband. Just as murderers cannot profit from exploiting their victims, neither should you be allowed to glorify your wrong doing, the pain you have caused, and your willful attempted destruction of six people's lives. (me, her H, and our four children)"

 

Anyway, I told her to take down her last post and she did. She has not posted a new one, but I did say no writings about my H were going to be tolerated and I just found out through him that an older blog is about him. I am trying to decide what to do about it. I think refusing to react passively to this OW making a mockery of my family after what she participated in is the right reaction. It is in the category of defending the children, in my opinion.

 

The healthy, normal rage of betrayal is enough to make a person practically lift off the ground with the flames of anger and hatred and deception. I never in my life had a homicidal thought...until the thoughts I have had towards the OW came to me. Nearly six months from the start of their affair and I do think if I saw her in person I might lunge at her and rip her eyes out. Okay, no - I wouldn't do it. But I could. What she took from me (what my husband gave her) is insanely massive; she hurt me more than anyone on this planet ever. And not being sorry, not caring if she hurts me more, posting her idiotic blogs, feeling like she is the one he really wanted....I just do not understand how the universe allows her to breathe.

 

Eventually (I assume) the anger dies down and becomes more rational. But not TODAY when these unrepentant OW are posting love messages online about our H's online and trying to be there in case we ever have a bad hair day or whatever they think might allow them another way back into our Hs hearts....rage is the right emotion. And I am not cool with allowing this. If an intervention will make YOU feel better, do it. Who cares how it makes her feel? When did she ever have a single thought for how you feel?

[road]

I don't even know what I'd say to her at this point.

 

 

That is why you have been told to ignore her.

 

Next you should not be searching the internet looking to find what the OW is up to.