janedoe67 Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 A person who cheats has just intentionally involved their spouse in a head on high speed collision. Their concern needs to be focused on the spouse they injured, period. Yes, WS's should get counseling, should have supportive accountability, should be given the change to put their remorse into actions (if they HAVE remorse). But for a WS to respond to their injured spouse's pain with "oh poor me I will never be good enough" is just more self-centered entitlement. IMO. 4
carhill Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 My question to the cheaters is....how do I ask questions of him, since he does seem to have true remorse, that won't make him feel like I am attacking him. How do I be honest with him about how much I am hurt without making things worse for him? "I'm very hurt by your actions; however, I want to reconcile. We're a team. What is our plan of action to reconcile this marriage and secure the future of our family? I want to hear your suggestions and want you to be open to mine." 1
William Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 Relevant to the 22 deleted postings and numerous infractions in this thread, moderation reminds members to be topical and respectful in their postings and to use the 'alert us' button and permit moderation to guide the flow of discussion to be in compliance with our guidelines. Most of the cleanup was off-topic responses to inflammatory comments. Thanks.
ladydesigner Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 THank some of you for your help on these forums but during this very difficult time in my life where i've now considered suicide twice I think I'll be bowing out . Good luck to all of you. (((photogirl2006))) please do not bow out and if you want a recommendation to another site that has helped me tremendously please message me (I can't message you for some reason). Do not consider suicide, please call a doctor to help get you through this time also the suicide hotline at: 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-273-TALK I attempted suicide because of my WH's A with MOW. He put me through False R and many Trickle Truths and broken No Contacts with MOW. I did lose my mind and suffered from 2 nervous breakdowns in 2012. If it were not for my psychiatrist and my IC I'm not sure I would be here today. Please focus on your health, especially your mental health. This is not an event that a person gets over, infidelity is a very traumatic event and can even cause ptsd (I have that too). Please PM me if you would like 1
Iamhisflower Posted September 23, 2013 Posted September 23, 2013 (((Photogirl2006))) sending you hugs and strength. Try to do something nice for yourself, you deserve it!
RavenWolf Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 A person who cheats has just intentionally involved their spouse in a head on high speed collision. Their concern needs to be focused on the spouse they injured, period. Yes, WS's should get counseling, should have supportive accountability, should be given the change to put their remorse into actions (if they HAVE remorse). But for a WS to respond to their injured spouse's pain with "oh poor me I will never be good enough" is just more self-centered entitlement. IMO. My soon to be ex husband pulls this bull patty!! Whenever we would discuss what he did and how it hurt me, he would pull the "I'm such a bad husband, I should just go kill myself" crap. Imagine his surprise when I told him if that's what he wanted to go ahead. He was shocked that I would respond that way and I told him I'm not falling for his manipulation. It is incredibly painful to go through this betrayal. I'm so sorry you are going through it.
Coolit Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 My soon to be ex husband pulls this bull patty!! Whenever we would discuss what he did and how it hurt me, he would pull the "I'm such a bad husband, I should just go kill myself" crap. Imagine his surprise when I told him if that's what he wanted to go ahead. He was shocked that I would respond that way and I told him I'm not falling for his manipulation. It is incredibly painful to go through this betrayal. I'm so sorry you are going through it. It isn't always bull crap. I almost killed myself. I had te gun in my hand and 911 ready to call. (i was going to wait until tey got close so they could get my kids). I didn't do it not because i realized it was a mistake but rather I didn't know the trigger lock was a combination. Sometimes the BS feels like dying is the only way out. Sometimes the wayward does. 1
ChooseTruth Posted September 24, 2013 Posted September 24, 2013 It isn't always bull crap. I almost killed myself. I had te gun in my hand and 911 ready to call. (i was going to wait until tey got close so they could get my kids). I didn't do it not because i realized it was a mistake but rather I didn't know the trigger lock was a combination. Sometimes the BS feels like dying is the only way out. Sometimes the wayward does. I'm sorry you went though that My ex was also suicidal for a little while...it was scary. We didn't have a gun. Thank God I didn't have to wrestle one of those from her instead of a steak knife. I don't know if she really would have done it, but she was in a really bad state that day... 1
Coolit Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 When you are in a dark place death seems to be the only way to be free. When you are in a good place suicide looks selfish. But for me I hated myself so much that I thought my H and children would be better off if I was dead. No one wants a worthless cheater right? It is why I posted sparingly at first. I agreed with people that heaters are worthless. I felt worthless. I think no matter how angry any BS is at their WS if they threaten suicide they should not be glib about it. She spouse may be just trying to do the woe is me thing. But you don't want to come home and find your spouse dead and then have to remember the words you said for the rest of your life. There are a lot of online resources for how to deal with a suicidal person. Anyone who suspects somebody maybe whether it is a WS, BS, or friend should read up on it instead of thinking "oh its just talk." I am glad I didn't succeed. But at the time I felt like I couldn't even have the guts to end my life. A week later my A ended. A week after that I confessed.
Recommended Posts