NinerGirl Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 My ex fiance and I were together for 8 years. He helped me raise my 2 boys now ages 22 & 16. Our relationship was good, really good. We made each other happy. We had a love that we'd sit in the park, roll around on the grass..just smiling, joking, laughing...those were our weekends. We didn't need much, just us. Planned for the future by looking to buy a home together but in Los Angeles, that was impossible in 2006 even though he & I made over 100K together. We looked in Arizona and found really good prices for beautiful new homes. We bought a house in AZ. Shortly after, we decided we'd move from CA due to the quality of living that AZ provided. I moved first, looked for a job, found one making more money than I did in O.C. When it was his time to move, around 2007-2008, the economy took a turn. The house we bought for 300K was suddenly worth only 100K and we had an adjustable rate on our loan. Needless to say, we were paying 2500-2800 monthly for a home which wasn't worth it anymore. We decided to let it go. I moved into a rental in AZ - he'd come see me every other weekend. Suddenly, he would find reasons not to come to AZ whether it was money, had to work or picked a fight with me on Thursday. I tried to make him see what he was doing to us but I couldn't get through to him. I called off the engagement - he was okay with it. We decided to go our separate way. I started dating and so did he. At this point, my ex and I were amicable and still kept in touch. My ex started hinting to me that he wanted to get back together, I didn't feel the same at the time. I was in a new relationship. My new BF of 8 months moved in with me. My ex was not happy but really sad about this. Almost depressed. My ex then decided to shack up with some girl he really didn't like all that much - he said he didn't want to be alone and she was nice to him. Anyway, it's been 4 years since we called it off - he still travels to AZ (he has a friend here) but makes it a point to see me. I meet up with him but as friends only (we did sleep together a few times after our break-up). We have seen each other but meet in public places and invite his friend or his dad (I love his dad) to join us so there is no chance of doing the wrong thing but our conversations are as if we never left each other, we laugh at stupid inside jokes, smiles like idiots as we always did. Suddenly, a couple months ago, it just came to me. I feel I made the biggest mistake of my life by not trying harder. I miss him so much. I never did stop loving him. I feel awful because I'm with my BF still and he's still with that girl but we both have come to realize we love each other, still, a lot. We both feel like terrible individuals for the people we're with don't deserve this and they deserve to be with someone who loves them and only them. My BF and my ex's GF are really good people. My ex and I want to be together but don't know how to do it gently or how to even begin. We've been putting off seeing each other just because we have these strong feelings for each other and don't want to make matters worse by cheating - distance drove us apart and we know it. We complicated the situation by involving other innocent people...I'm not sure if I should just stop communication with him because it hurts not to have him - he tells me the same but here we are - talking every morning, lunch, afterwork...
mammasita Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 It sounds like you're prolonging the inevitable. Do your current partners favors and let them down quickly, easy and gracefully.....as soon as possible. You owe them that. Let them find people who will love them. 3
lylat333 Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 You're right, the people you're with don't deserve to stay in a relationship with someone who loves another. Step 1 is getting out of the current relationship, for their sake and yours. Don't use innocent people as a crutch or option in case things don't go like you hope. Even if you break up as maturely and gently as possible, it will still hurt but it needs to be done. It's a matter of the current relationship not being what you want, through no fault of the other person. Until you can each get out of a relationship, it's wrong to stay in contact and continue to express strong feelings for each other. It's very selfish. Going so far as to cheat would be totally uncalled for and be even more unfair and hurtful to the people you're currently with.
devilish innocent Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 You seem to have made up your mind about moving on from your current relationship. The first step is to have an honest talk with your current boyfriend about breaking up. Then focus on finding another place to live. You can't control what your ex does. You can only hope that he follows suit and eventually you can be together.
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