First date after breakup

[forgetmenot75]

I stopped contact with this guy end of may. Two weeks ago I broke no contact by saying hi to him on an on line dating site. He replied and wanted to pursue. I never answered him.

 

Now, I met this new guy on line like a month ago. Emailed back and forth. He wanted to meet, I declined. We still emailed sporadically. I find him very attractive, charming, interesting.

We agreed to meet this Monday, finally, and at first I got pretty excited. Now, I feel scared, and first thing I want to do is contact the ex.

I'm scared to being hurt again, I don't know what to do. Some part of me feels like I'm betraying my ex, how crazy is that? I want to text him for advice, everything was cozy with him, now I'm facing the unknown and I'm scared.

Just a note to say my ex was never commited to me, he's online in 4 dating sites daily, he used me for sex, he lied to me to mask he was sleeping with other women, and he told me he's in love with an older woman.

I appreciate your point of view. I'm a mess right now

[HereWeGoAgain1]

Give the new guy one date.

 

Enjoy it, relax and take it easy. DO NOT talk about the previous relationship.

 

Having fun with someone new will help take your mind off things, yes it'll be nerve wracking and uncomfortable to begin with but most dates are.

 

Don't do anything rash. Just try have a nice time.

 

Sometimes it can be too soon to start seeing someone new, but there's no harm in going out with someone, think less of it as a date and more of meeting a new friend with an open possibility to be more.

 

Afterwards if you don't feel ready or he's not for you. Let him know but be nice about it but DO NOT contact your ex at all. You'll gain nothing by rubbing it in his face nor will you make him jealous. Plus that wouldn't be fair on the guy you've just been out with.

 

Just take this as a baby step into your new life without your ex. Scary at first but it'll help you heal.

[paperboy48]

I think this new guy (contingent on him being a nice guy) will be good for you. Just scope him out to make sure he has good intnetions of wanting a relationship. The ex sounds like a creep! You did the right thing.

 

If it makes you feel better, I broke up with my ex in May and am going out on a first date (tonight) since my break-up. I'm a little scared as I had the comfort with my ex, as well. I agree...I thought about that last night, how everything was cozy with her! She just wasn;t tight for me.

 

Where are you going tfor your date?

[Zahara]

FMN, I'm sure you're tired of me busting your chops all the time, but I only do it because I don't want to see you this way.

 

Dating should be fun. It shouldn't cause you this much turmoil. A nervous excitement is normal. And when you date, you keep your expectations at a low but boundaries in place.

 

Here's the deal. The possibility of you or any of us getting hurt again is there. You may have to kiss many more frogs to find that prince. And for some of us, that prince may never even come. If you are scared to go on a date, that's a sign you're not ready to date. What could you bring to the table when you have a ton of walls up? And who knows, at the smallest sign of what to you could be negative, you may just ruin it for yourself because you lack of confidence in yourself.

 

Betraying your ex? Please! Get that silliness out of your head. He was never your boyfriend and he's very openly dating on 4 sites!

 

You want advice from an ex that is emotionally crippled? What you faced with him was unknown and you were a wreck most of the time. I think you are forgetting that detail. Everything was cozy with him when it was good, but when it was bad, it was bad. So, no comparison there. He's not your go-to guy.

Edited September 20, 2013 by Zahara

[forgetmenot75]

Zahara:

 

I'm not tired of you commenting, all of the contrary, I appreciate your feedback because you know me

Before reading your post (and I know you'll be mad at me), I signed in to POF, and there he was, of course: online. In an impulse, I messaged him "hi". I was about to ask him for advice, so messed up I'm right now.

He replied me back instantly to please rescue him from his work. Then I noticed my heart started to race like crazy and I signed out. Of course, I'm not ready to ask him for advice yet. Which wasn't a bad idea, since he has a master in dating.

 

Truth is I'm about 4 months since last seen him, and I'm missing a connection with someone. How much do I have to wait? This new guy is very interesting, and I feel like I'm going through some kind of post traumatic stress after all I've experienced since December.

[Zahara]

Firstly, please don't ask him advice on dating. He's not a master just because he is a player and he's juggling 4 sites. Your logic is all wrong. The best way to date is to go out and date. It's like interviewing. If you haven't done it in a long time, going out there again will feel daunting. You'll feel rusty. You'll feel intimidated. Dating is the same. The more you put yourself out there, the more you meet a variety of people, and the more you are able to define what you want for yourself. You become more confident within yourself. But your emotional level at this point may not allow you to do that.

 

Somehow, like Alwayscoffee, your motive in asking an ex about dating is to make him jealous, hoping he'll freak out that you are moving on and latch back on to you. I just can't understand why anyone would want to ask a man that has rejected you for dating advice.

 

How much do you have to wait? I would wait until I'm confident enough in myself to not include my ex in my every move. I would wait until I'm feeling happy just being alone. I would wait until my emotions have fully settled. And I would definitely wait until the thought of dating doesn't scare the heck out of me.

Edited September 20, 2013 by Zahara