Viro12 Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 When you can name all their imperfections, when you know they aren't perfect. But with these in mind, you accepted and loved all their flaws even their selfishness. It's also because of these, they are more important to you than yourself. You truly forgive them for the hurt they caused you. I'm proud to say I truly loved someone. Anyone with me?
Peanut9330 Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 I honestly use to have that same mentality however I came to a different reality after one of my breakups. I always forgave him accepted him flaws and all always looked the other way when he was doing things I didn't like. For example he smoked weed I didn't and I didn't like to be around it and I didn't like being around him when he smoked, however whenever he did I looked the other way because I thought that's how love is suppose to work. After the breakup I had a realization that I was ignoring my values and beliefs for this man because I thought that's what love is suppose to be. I was settling and I didn't realize it until we broke up. Granted when you love someone you do need to accept them flaws and all, but there is a difference in accepting and just settling. Sometimes we don't notice that until we have some time apart from that person, otherwise a lot of people have this perception that you have to accept everything or you don’t truly love your SO, and they turn a blind eye to love which in some instances is a bad decision. Yes I did love that man unconditionally flaws, mistakes imperfections and all, I just learned a valuable lessen from it as well. 1
Author Viro12 Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 When you can name all their imperfections, when you know they aren't perfect. But with these in mind, you accepted and loved all their flaws even their selfishness. It's also because of these, they are more important to you than yourself. You truly forgive them for the hurt they caused you. Whenever and wherever you are ju-ju I wish you happiness. I don't regret loving you, and I ill do it 1000 times again even though I know how it ends. Thank you for giving me the kind of love that gives me the courage and strength to walk on to love my life that I never came to appreciate this much before break up. I'm proud to say I truly loved someone. Anyone with me?
Author Viro12 Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 I honestly use to have that same mentality however I came to a different reality after one of my breakups. I always forgave him accepted him flaws and all always looked the other way when he was doing things I didn't like. For example he smoked weed I didn't and I didn't like to be around it and I didn't like being around him when he smoked, however whenever he did I looked the other way because I thought that's how love is suppose to work. After the breakup I had a realization that I was ignoring my values and beliefs for this man because I thought that's what love is suppose to be. I was settling and I didn't realize it until we broke up. Granted when you love someone you do need to accept them flaws and all, but there is a difference in accepting and just settling. Sometimes we don't notice that until we have some time apart from that person, otherwise a lot of people have this perception that you have to accept everything or you don’t truly love your SO, and they turn a blind eye to love which in some instances is a bad decision. Yes I did love that man unconditionally flaws, mistakes imperfections and all, I just learned a valuable lessen from it as well. Settling I think it's different from loving someone for their imperfections. It's forcing yourself to accept their character. Loving someone is loving them for what they are and doesn't cause you you to resent for what they are.
KathyM Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 I think there's a healthy kind of love, and an unhealthy kind of love. Healthy love does appreciate the great qualities in a partner and overlook minor flaws. Unhealthy love is dependent love, where you are willing to tolerate abuse or mistreatment, or serious negatives (addictions, infidelity, etc.) because you feel you can't live without that person. Healthy love builds each other up. Unhealthy love tears each other down. If your partner was extremely selfish, that doesn't sound like a healthy love to me, if it is mainly him getting his needs met, and he didn't have concern for your needs. One-sided love is also not healthy. If one person is the loving one and the other is not giving of himself or his love, then that is an unhealthy love as well. It's not a reciprocal love, and can only lead to despair when it is so one-sided. You may sometimes hear the phrase "I have enough love for both of us." Well, it doesn't really work that way. Love is meant to be a reciprocal relationship, not one-sided. If someone is extremely selfish, they are only concerned with their own needs, and not the needs of their partner. That is not loving behavior. 3
Author Viro12 Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 (edited) I think there's a healthy kind of love, and an unhealthy kind of love. Healthy love does appreciate the great qualities in a partner and overlook minor flaws. Unhealthy love is dependent love, where you are willing to tolerate abuse or mistreatment, or serious negatives (addictions, infidelity, etc.) because you feel you can't live without that person. Healthy love builds each other up. Unhealthy love tears each other down. If your partner was extremely selfish, that doesn't sound like a healthy love to me, if it is mainly him getting his needs met, and he didn't have concern for your needs. One-sided love is also not healthy. If one person is the loving one and the other is not giving of himself or his love, then that is an unhealthy love as well. It's not a reciprocal love, and can only lead to despair when it is so one-sided. You may sometimes hear the phrase "I have enough love for both of us." Well, it doesn't really work that way. Love is meant to be a reciprocal relationship, not one-sided. If someone is extremely selfish, they are only concerned with their own needs, and not the needs of their partner. That is not loving behavior. I totally agree with you that it takes two to love. However having true love for someone even though the person didn't really love you, can be satisfying and helpful post break up. It gives you the strength and courage to carry on without having to deal with resentment, and dwell on the break up. My needs were so low and my happiness wasn't something that was dependent on her behavior. All I really needed from her was knowing her passion, her smiles, and the knowledge that she loved me along with trust and honesty. Edited September 20, 2013 by Viro12
Peanut9330 Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 I totally agree with you that it takes two to love. However having true love for someone even though the person didn't really love you, can be satisfying and helpful post break up. It gives you the strength and courage to carry on without having to deal with resentment, and dwell on the break up. I see your point here in my past breakups I always tried to apply the same mentality. I wish nothing but the best for my ex's and I forgave whatever mistakes they might have made. Even in a relationship where I was cheated on I left it on good terms. We had a conversation on what happened explained how we both felt and just parted ways. Was I heartbroken yes..? Did it hurt yes..? But there was nothing I could do to change what had already happened. I try to maintain a positive outlook on life so I don't tend to dwell or wish bad upon anyone.
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