Rangifer Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Hi all Advice needed again My previous post was about online dating; this one has a more 'real world' theme to it. The business were I work is situated inside a complex with private residences. Over the past couple of weeks one tenant, in particular, has caught my attention but interaction has, sadly, been limited to the exchange of a polite wave. I have asked around and we are both in the same profession (different companies) and I deduced she is single. The question now arises; how does one knock on the door of a complete stranger (that is if she is home) and ask them out to a cup of coffee? Or, are there better ideas? :think:
Lansing Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Better idea is to actually say HI to her if you are already waving at each other. That is more than most people. I wouldn't knock on her door personally. I met a girl in my building one time, literally saw her in the parking garage, talked to her for 1 minute up the elevator (she was getting off at the 2nd floor), she mentioned she was new to town/etc. I left her a note on her car and gave my number and said I would show her around. She called me that day, we went out and it turned into us holding hands/etc. Ended up "hanging out" with her for a few months (not really sure if it can be considered dating because we didn't really go out much) but it was fun. It was worth the risk. When we didn't return my call I stopped putting in any effort as I figured I didn't want to chase. I only ran into her a few times after until she moved out. 1
kiss_andmakeup Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Wait until you run into her again instead of knocking on her door. Seems a little bit more natural and organic that way. 2
pteromom Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Agree with others... knocking on her door is a little weird. I'd go up and talk to her when you see her out and about.
Mr.Mango Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Beating a dead horse at this point. Don't knock on her door, just interact when you run into her. You say you are both in the same building most of the time and share the same profession? I can't imagine a simpler icebreaker.
Author Rangifer Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Ok bad idea is an understatement! Later I realised I've got an acquaintance living on the premises how does the idea of asking him to introduce us or arrange a meeting measure up. Lets say I happen to see her outside and manages get within talking distance can I just introduce myself and say "hey I was just about to grab a coffee, do you want to join me?" Now my question is how to get her attention after the wave hello anyway? Most people's attention will focus elsewhere after a casually waving hello.
Syconort Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Oh no! You don't need a middleman to introduce the two of you. You've gone from something aggressive (knocking on her door) to something passive. I could be completely off, correct if so, but this tells me you're either full on acceleration, or full on the breaks. You're trying to hard to play this right. If you want to be subtle, say hi, conveniently find reasons to leave your place to increase the chance of running into her, and the second you have her alone in a comfortable setting, pose the question -- "hey, I've noticed you around, fancy coming a coffee some time?". Even if she turns you down, at least she knows you're interested. Then move on. The second you start getting desperate and thinking she is your only opportunity is when you start over-thinking and paralysing yourself. Stay casual.
gaius Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 You need to talk to her a little first before you ask her out. 90% of women will get spooked by a guy just walking up and directly asking them out, without any small talk whatsoever. Show her a little bit of yourself first.
Author Rangifer Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 If you want to be subtle, say hi, conveniently find reasons to leave your place to increase the chance of running into her, and the second you have her alone in a comfortable setting, pose the question -- "hey, I've noticed you around, fancy coming a coffee some time?". Even if she turns you down, at least she knows you're interested. Unfortunately when I do see her she is arriving from work and I'm stuck in an office (one of our offices overlooks the parking area) or it is when we go to work (she goes out of the compound and I come in) and we drive past one another. That's why waving is required and possibly the only setting for us to meet is the parking area.
Author Rangifer Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 just interact when you run into her. You say you are both in the same building most of the time and share the same profession? I can't imagine a simpler icebreaker. Same profession yes but don't live in the same building. One of the times I do see her is when we go to work in the morning (she goes out of the compound and I come in) and we drive past one another. It seldom happens that we are close enough to exchange words
Author Rangifer Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 Oh no! You don't need a middleman to introduce the two of you. I thought of improving the odds of meeting as it is currently an annoyingly hit-and-miss affair.
Author Rangifer Posted September 25, 2013 Author Posted September 25, 2013 Thanks all for the advice. An organisation I'm involved with is organising a charity event and we will all have to sell tickets. Now I've got a harmless reason to walk up to her and get acquinted. How do I go about conducting myself during this pivotal meeting. I'm not sure if the tickets will require taking a phone number but, if it does can I use it?
pteromom Posted September 25, 2013 Posted September 25, 2013 I'm not sure if the tickets will require taking a phone number but, if it does can I use it? NO!! Taking her number for a professional reason and then using it to call her on a personal level is very stalkerish. As far as how to conduct yourself... just be casual. Smile. When you do your ticket selling thing, just talk to her. You could even be funny and pretend that asking if she is single and whether she'd like to go to dinner with you are questions on the form (after you spend a few minutes talking with her). Just make sure you are doing it in a casual silly way, and are not in any way intense, which would turn it from cute to creepy.
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