Onlyafterdark Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 (edited) If you want to know my full story its posted in the separation thread. Heres where im at 3 months in pain still unbearable,made an appointment with the doctor as im having thoughts of ending it all.my wife has been losing weight looking so good,i had the kids for the last 3 weeks at her house due to me staying with my mum no space etc.She has stayed at her friends helping her paint,new flooring down etc. But this wknd ive called her bluff saying im away and cant have the kids so shes asked her mum,im beginning to think she wants to stay out cause theres someone else.She organises this first thing monday ready for the friday.I have asked if theres someone else but at present all shes saying is where do i have time when ive got the kids. We separated 6 years ago and the same night she brought a guy home even though i pleaded with her to give me time.I havent had a single reply on any of my posts id just like some help maybe from a girls point of view she has reacted to girls liking my posts on fb.I tried to see if she was jealous by saying i was staying with a friend this wknd,away in the countryside all shes said back was your not making me jealous since when did i know somone in the country in the 13 years together ive not been able to do NC i txt for sum reason everyday and tell her im sorry for not showing the affection like i should have,she will not give me a chance even tho i gave her plenty when she made mistakes. From a ladies or anyone with ideas how now can i hope she changes her mind we can still talk but i think me txting has pushed her i love her so much its took this time for me to realise lots maybe i put my barriers up when she did such horrible things to me please take the time to read my full story Edited September 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
RedHawk08 Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Jaysus... Right, stop everything you are doing right now dude. Everything you're doing is just making things worse, and you will be clearing up after this mess for a long time instead of starting to reconcile. I know, cause I did the same damn thing! Everything you're doing is coming from a desperate heart. That is not an attractive way to be. As of now, she's seeing you as weak, needy and pretty desperate. Now is the time to appear to be a man! Fake it until you start to feel it if necessary. She will treat you like dirt at the moment, because you're portraying yourself as someone not worthy of respect. You need to break that cycle. 1
Author Onlyafterdark Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Dude how did it work out for you ? Do i just try to be civil i was having the kids at her house whilst she stayed at her friends,she says shes helping her with painting etc in her new home.But this week i cut that out and let her mother look after them there kids do not like her at all so im hoping that wont last long.Been reading about sum of the g.i.g.s she seems to have some of that met at 17 married me at 25 got friendly with a girl across the road who drives etc doesnt have her kids at wknd now my wife is saying stuff like she wants to learn to drive have nites out for memories.Im just not sure how i can play her to make her return and change her mind
RedHawk08 Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 It's very slowly beginning to look brighter for me now cheers. Most important thing that everyone forgets in these situations, if what you're doing isn't working, stop doing it! If you don't, things will just get worse. So now, a very good idea would be to calm down and think about every damn thing you do before you do it. Stand in her shoes and think what her response would most likely be. The more you press her, the higher she will build her walls up. Act easy going, and that you're fine with everything the way it is at the moment. You can be honest in how you feel about her, but don't pressure her at all. Those walls will slowly come down. The more you try and change her mind, the less likely she will be to come home. Took me six months to learn that one!
Author Onlyafterdark Posted September 22, 2013 Author Posted September 22, 2013 Thanks Redhawk08 that all makes sense, just one question im gona try to do as much Nc as poss only speak about the kids now in your opinion would you be nice and have the kids at her home as i cant at my mums no space etc whilst she stays out at her friends.Or let her mum have them at her house reason i ask is the kids do not like her mum and end up phoning me age 9-6.Whats the best option just be nice with her or act hard and let her do what shed have to do if this stays as it is
RedHawk08 Posted September 22, 2013 Posted September 22, 2013 From what I can tell, and this happened to me, is that your lady has lost a great deal of respect for you. It's why she's treating you the way she is. You've got to reverse that. Regards the kids, have them at her place. I say this for two good reasons. Firstly, you want to keep family and friends out of all this as much as possible. They can do a lot of damage, as everyone has their opinions. Especially when emotions are running high. Your kids also aren't keen on her either. Secondly, you being there discourages her from having one too many drinks and bringing some clown home. Everyone gets GIGS at some point when times get tough. It's whether you can handle the rough times and ride it out in the belief of better days to come. Let her have this fantasy life for a while. She'll soon see the novelty wear off, and if you can work on yourself enough while she's doing this, she'll soon start to question her decision. After 6 months, my wife is starting to now.
Author Onlyafterdark Posted September 23, 2013 Author Posted September 23, 2013 Ive asked if theres sumone else as theres a guy poking on fb she aint added him as a friend but shes been poking back.But he last poked about a week ago she aint done it back weird but made me think,i did sumert stupid this morning ended up being a bit angry and saying things like how ive looked back and shes treated me like crap Redhawk08 please read my full story in separation thread if u get time.I was thinking il be playing right into her hands having the kids at her house,you know giving her the freedom to go out i get what ur saying she might not bring a guy back but potentially she could stay out at his,if she has a night out and can say il stay in the kids bed but at present shes staying at her friends house helping her paint etc
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