Vinsanity1307 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 Here is my story as I always put in the beginning of my new threads...Still appreciate the opinions... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417902-dumped-after-5-years Anyways I went to the mall today to start working on my Halloween costume. I am a Halloween nut...And figured building my costume would help me get my mind off my ex when home. So I was in Sears looking for supplies and stumble across the New England Patriots section.(Again Die Hard Fan)..And all they had was tons of womens items. Stuff I would use to buy my ex and she whe would love. She would wear patriots stuff and it would be so hot to me. After debating whether to buy the items and send them..I left the store immediately went into my car and broke down like a child ...All the memories just from stuff in a store... It hurt so much to even look at item of clothing. She still haunts my memories constantly and it is not getting easier. Anyone relate. What do I do?
BlueJeanTangerine Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 This was a trigger for you, a reminder of what you had, what you lost and it brings about a surge of emotions. In my opinion, after 5 years you should, if you have not already, do a little legwork and educate yourself on grief. It may also be helpful for you to speak with a professional. Life is short, live yours if you don't move forward you'll never know what you're missing. Crawl out of the quicksand, clean yourself up and take baby steps. Hang tough.
StyleOnEm Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 It's natural to feel this way but c'mon, that's like saying "Omg she breathed the same air as me!!!! Every time I take a breath I am reminded of her...." Are you meeting new girls/socializing or are you constantly in your head and stay locked up in the house in the evenings while life is passing you by? 3
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 19, 2013 Author Posted September 19, 2013 On my days off I go out and visit family...Run Errands......I usually work till 11go to the gym 4x a week..After I get back from the gym at 2/3Am is when the thoughts run wild...Hence me.starting the halloween project. I dont go to bed till 7am cause I work overnight s as well few times a week. Even when going to bed I constantly think of her...As for the Pats stuff it was just something we enjoyed and obsessed over..I even body painted a Brady jersey on her few months before the breakup...it was sexy..My point being in the fall it was non stop buying pats stuff for each other and doing that for five years..and now nothing..its hard..I cant help it...
L.D.702 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 Damn dude I can really relate to what you're feeling. I was with my ex for 7 years and broke up last month. I can't even watch tv anymore because we would watch a lot of things together and I can't even listen to music anymore. I really think that you can find someone that will treat you right. Maybe not the same way your ex treated you but something different, maybe even better.
Gra Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 I can completely relate. I broke down driving past a Panera Bread the other day because we went there a few times. It's ridiculous. It's as if your stomach just drops out of you with the reminder. Having gotten through a break up a long time ago after a 6 year relationship, my head knows that this too shall pass but right now it's awful. I'm the same with the television. There's shows I can't watch, even commercials that hit me like a semi. But I know that I have to feel it. Someone told me "you can't go around it, you have to go through it" and that's becoming my mantra. I'm just going through it . . . I"m not lingering in the pain. I know none of that makes it easier. Believe me, I know. You'll make it. We all will. And we're all here for each other. Stay strong. I know I"m trying to.
forgetmenot75 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 I can completely feel your pain. I'm so sorry you're hurting so much. My advice is to let the pain come. Cry as much as you need to. You'll feel better. Hang in there
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 19, 2013 Author Posted September 19, 2013 Thanks for your responses is this still normal though? Especially past two months since the break up and NC?
forgetmenot75 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 Thanks for your responses is this still normal though? Especially past two months since the break up and NC? Yes, very normal.
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 Hey back again and here is more story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417902-dumped-after-5-years Anyways two months post break up and fantasizing about my ex constantly. I am at work and the thoughts of her and I" intamate" are running rapid.The visions of her nude (sorry) won't go away which hurts me even more cause I don't have that anymore. We were very intamate through the whole 5 year tenure. Is this normal and how do I stop them.Again I'm at work and they are bad. In my mind I feel I will never find that chemistry and connection and openness with anyone else....please help
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 Yes just started counseling few days ago...
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 So assuming this long after the BU its not normal?
hurts2death Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 ofcourse it is...you have been dumped after 5 years... its like you are throughn to a foreighn universe.... hang in there.... dont fake it or fill time to avoid pain... feel it ride it out.... -john
robbysurfs Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 It will pass the fever will break. I am 5 months nc and I do occasionally have the image or thought as well but not as strong and it is fleeting. You are not alone there trust me. It does get easier and maybe try chewing some gum I know it sounds dumb but it somehow works in a way to un focus you from you.
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 Thanks for all your input...I well try the gum...and didn't know if it's normal...Just extremely painful when it happens....
Omei Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 You will find the connection again. I think it's normal I still have sex dreams of my first bf from over 8 years ago! And he was physically abusive but the sex was amazing, but he's ass ugly in my mind and I dislike him. My recent ex I think about nude a lot I'll even still get off on the thought of them I have no image or way too see them just in my head, idk its not driving me nuts im 7 months in NC im pretty dulled out now emotionally. I think it's normal one day it won't make you sad.
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 Hello Here is my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/417902-dumped-after-5-years As my exes twins Bday is a few days away. I am fighting the urge more and more to send them two separate Bday cards in the mail with 10 bucks in them for each. Have been there for the past five birthdays and do care for them and unfortunately still my ex. Is it ok to do this with no expectations?
Omei Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 From your posts I dont think your ready, stay NC. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 I think you know the actual answer to this and MOST every question you ask on every thread you create. Man, you have to stay NC. The letter is just an excuse to reach out, no matter if its positive or negative. Keep moving forward.
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 Been trying to push out the thought of her when getting off figured that doesnt help healing...I know getting personal here ...I apologize
Author Vinsanity1307 Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 Why should the kids suffer though.I don't want to make it like I don't care about them. Cause I do.....
barky2 Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Lol I felt like I was re reading one of my posts when I was broken up with my (ex). Nothing hotter than her in her gronk Jersey. Think of her and I knocking skins, getting off ect. Its perfectly normal what youre going through. It would make a better statement if you DIDNOT send a damn thing. In a weird way they are expecting it. Instead take that 20$ and buy yourself something. Hang in there dude, you're almost thru this. Barky
reddragon588 Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Thanks for your responses is this still normal though? Especially past two months since the break up and NC? Vin it's normal. I had a trigger like this the other day and am at nearly 4 months (sigh). Just keep moving forward! Make new memories to replace the ones that trigger negative emotions!
reddragon588 Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Why should the kids suffer though.I don't want to make it like I don't care about them. Cause I do..... They won't suffer. I know it sucks to hear this but they're kids. They will move on from this faster than you. Sending them cards will confuse them and make them think you are still part of their lives when, unfortunately, you aren't. 1
Zahara Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Why should the kids suffer though.I don't want to make it like I don't care about them. Cause I do..... The kids will not suffer. They may be curious or maybe ask about you from time to time and even miss you, fleetingly. But they will not suffer. Kids move on fast. I've seen my girlfriend's kids move on quickly from when she broke up with her ex of 7 years. All you'll do is cause them confusion by sending the card. Let them move on. Leave them out of the post break-up.
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