What's the next step?

[dck]

Well this is my story sorry its a long one. I dated my ex for about 9 months, for about the last 3-4 months the dynamic of the relationship changed. I met her when I was stationed at Fort Sam Houston she was a civilian from my hometown, we actually met when I was home on leave. Well fast forward a bit we start dating things are going great, I find her amazing in every way. Things begin to change when I was discharged from active duty to reserve status and moved back home.

 

Home is about a 2 hour drive from Fort Sam. I still came up on the weekends to see her, however I was unemployed and had trouble finding a job right away. I begin to slip into a funk, she was telling to me scout jobs out there because she and I both wanted me to move closer. I did get a job out there, a job that I loathe but a job none the less. She told me to stay with her until I was able to get a place of my own. I was very wary about this because I felt it was too soon for us to be living together even if it was just temporary. Well I took the job and made the move. Things were ok for the first month as they usually are however issues started arising, her accusing me of not being the same guy I used to be.

 

She was always a little closed off because she was in an abusive relationship about a year and half before we got together so I didn’t try to push too hard knowing this is a sensitive subject. Well as the second month of my staying there started we began to argue and fight (not physical fighting). She starts telling me that she’s scared that I’m going to become her abusive ex and that she doesn’t know if she wants to be with me anymore. Devastated by these accusations I tried my best to show her that I wouldn’t turn into a monster like him. Although I tried things still didn’t work and eventually she dumped me. I unfortunately had to remain living with her as the job I took I was not going to quit just because the relationship didn’t work.

 

I moved my stuff out of her closet, and bedroom took up shop on the couch. A few day after our breakup I get back to her place after work and being civil ask her how her day and work was, she told me she got fired from her job, now I had been making myself scarce around her place, going to the gym after work essentially only being there to sleep and shower, however knowing that she was going through what she was going through I tried to be civil asked her what happened and talked to her for awhile. I even when and took her to dinner to try and get her mind off the fact that she just lost her job.

 

While we were out we talked laughed had a good time we both were civil and we made a promise not to being anyone else back to her place while I was living there which by then I had been approved for my apartment and just had about 2 weeks until it was move in ready, which she knew. Because of her being fired from her job I as a friend decided to pay her full month’s rent for her and electricity bill even though I knew I wasn’t going to be staying there the whole month. Well fast forward to a few days later we for some reason I can’t remember now we were asleep in bed, we still slept together (not sexually actual sleep), but it was about 5 am and my phone ringed, it was an ex who I was still friends with who just had an emergency occur.

 

So I stepped out of the room and outside and talked with her for about 20 mins about what happened. Well upon returning to the bedroom my ex was laying there and staring at her phone and stated that she couldn’t go back to sleep now because my phone rang, this seemed odd because whenever my alarm on my phone would go off in the past she would wake up and then immediately fall back asleep. I apologized for waking her and said lets go back to sleep well this started an argument, she was texting her friend and I tried to talk to her but she wasn’t interested in conversing with me, we argue, we both say something’s that shouldn’t have been said I end up on the couch again.

 

Since we had broken up anytime we got into an argument she would say “we’re never getting back together” even though I would never ask her to get back together it seemed like something she would just throw in my face. Well I wasn’t able to get back to sleep that night so I wrote her a letter basically saying I never said I wanted to get back together or that I would even take her back at this point, I said I did miss her but I didn’t miss not knowing if she wanted to be with me. Well since I wrote that letter things got a little “different” between us. We would talk didn’t really argue much anymore. I started going out to this local sports bar to watch the games she wasn’t around anyways off doing something else.

 

Well it was a Friday I got home and she was there with a friend who I knew and they were on the couch talking and drinking wine, I made something to eat a friend called I excused myself left. I had to work the next morning so I was back around midnight, she nor the friend were there any longer, I went to sleep I had to be up at 3:30-4 am for work. Well 2:00am rolls around and I’m asleep and she comes in with her friends turning lights on and making a lot of noise, knowing I had to be up for work in two hours. Well whatever its her house but I notice that its her and 3 male friends one of which I knew and was the one who was there when I got off work before I left. Well the 2 others I had never seen before and I was sociable even though I was very irritated at her inconsiderateness of my sleep.

 

Well about 30 mins in she starts hugging one of the unknown guys and basically embracing him as if they were dating. Doing this infuriated me but I kept my composure left for work even though I was seeing red. I sent a text saying “That was so messed up, I thought you were a better person than that, I’ve never been so disrespected in my life.” Well that was pretty much that last thing I’ve said to her after that I called and rushed my move in date I was able to get in about a week earlier but I still had about a week left at her place. Well since that night she didn’t really talk to me we didn’t say anything didn’t exchange pleasantries it was like she stayed in her room and I stayed in the living room and out of her way.

 

She had found another job by now but unfortunately for her wasn’t being paid the same wages. I was sitting in the living room watching a movie on the tv and then I hear a knock on the door and she comes out and opens it and it’s some guy picking her up to go out, why she couldn’t have just had him call when he got there I don’t know, well he doesn’t even come in she was leaves, whatever. She didn’t know I was planning on moving out a week earlier, well two days after that was my move in date for the apartment. I left that morning to go sign the lease and all, went and got a haircut, it was about noon that I arrived back at her apartment, I walk in the door and I see her laying cuddled up on the couch with some guy. She says a nervous “hey” I just look at her chuckle and say what’s up? I pet her dog and go take a shower to wash off the hair from the haircut.

 

I get dressed and leave because again I was infuriated and if I stayed a moment longer would have caused a scene, rather then that I just left. She had to work at 3pm so I took off and went to my apartment until 3pm at which point I went collected my belongings, left her some groceries and pet food and a letter telling her I was very hurt by what she did that I wish we could have stayed friends but after what she did I couldn’t, and that i hope she finds true happiness and that i harbor no ill will towards her. I left her key under her welcome mat and just left it at that. It’s been about a week and a half since then I haven’t talked to her and I’ve been going crazy.

 

I miss her a lot even though what she did. I haven’t had any contact with her what so ever but I do really miss her and even though I’ve been out on a few dates I just can’t get her out of my mind and for some reason want her back.

 

What can I do to get past this? I’ve been working out trying to keep busy but I just don’t know I really loved her and thought she was the one. I just don't understand why someone would be so hurtful to someone that they once cared about

Edited September 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[deni9]

In a way I can relate to HER. I was in a bad relationship and when I broke up with him, I started talking to this new guy (which now he is my boyfriend) because of my emotional scars from the previous relationship, it was hard to be open with my boyfriend now. I would be afraid he would turn into my ex. Lets just say I would compare him a lot to my ex. I would panic and would try to push him away, telling him I wasn't ready for a relationship (which I wasn't) but I would bring any excuse to make him leave me because I felt insecure, worthless. now fast forward a bit, one day I realized that, im not going to let my ex ruin, good opportunities in my life. He wont have that control over me anymore! now it was difficult to get over my ex, I was thinking the same thing you are :how am I going to get over him" but honest truth, and its hard to accept it, but time will heal. It will. it might take a long time. you might think its never gonna get better. but oh, it will. I promise. You must feel pain in order to over come your feelings for this girl. Once the pain is over, you find someone else, and only then you know what happiness really is. You may think that she was the "one" like how I thought my ex was the "one", slowly but surely you will soon realize that she wasn't. She hurt you because she was insecure about herself, about the relationship you guys had. LIke I was with my bf now. But I had to deal with my insecurities and get over them because I felt like my bf deserved that much since he was so patient with me, so loving and caring! I care that much to set myself straight. obviously she wasn't ready for that. She must get over her scars and fears in order to find someone and commit. I don't know how long that will take, but she must do it.

You deserve the best. You seem like a gentleman. Very respectful and caring. You must continue to be that way. Don't let a girl like her ever ruin who you are. Just watch, you will find someone. someone who is going to fight for you and love you unconditionally! Just stay strong. Do things that can make you better person. Talk to people! this website can be helpful for you too. Read other peoples questions and try helping them out. Helping someone can make you realize your strengths!

Just continue fighting, looking forward, staying strong. I know its hard, this might not be what you wanted to hear, but if I can do it, you can. if I can find happiness again, you can! You got this! Goodluck in life!

 

Stay gold

[BigGirlPantiesOn]

Without paragraphs I cannot read that.

 

Im sorry.