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If someone set you up with someone and they ended up flaking would you....

enchanted771

By enchanted771
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enchanted771 Established Member

enchanted771

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Call your friend out on this person they tried to set you up with behavior? he had asked to meet me and she introduced us. THen we have been trying to set up a date for over a month. She gave him my number and he didnt text/call, nada. I have written him off as a flake but I am thinking I should tell her that I think its pretty crappy that he strung me along like this. Its only been a week since she gave him my number so I am going to wait till next week. SHe isnt a close friend of mine she is a coworker, and her and the guy have a business relationship and not a very lengthy one at that...maybe 6 months. I just think its crappy and I feel I should defend myself and say something to her, or should i just drop it completely?

Philosoraptor Established Member

Philosoraptor

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Eh, just let it go. He's not going to set anything up and it's not worth causing a rift with a friend because her coworker is undependable.

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enchanted771 Established Member

enchanted771

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Eh, just let it go. He's not going to set anything up and it's not worth causing a rift with a friend because her coworker is undependable.
Its not her coworker, its someone she does business with (she is my coworker), but I get the idea. Its not going to change the outcome anyways.
sickpuppy Established Member

sickpuppy

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Call your friend out on this person they tried to set you up with behavior? he had asked to meet me and she introduced us. THen we have been trying to set up a date for over a month. She gave him my number and he didnt text/call, nada. I have written him off as a flake but I am thinking I should tell her that I think its pretty crappy that he strung me along like this. Its only been a week since she gave him my number so I am going to wait till next week. SHe isnt a close friend of mine she is a coworker, and her and the guy have a business relationship and not a very lengthy one at that...maybe 6 months. I just think its crappy and I feel I should defend myself and say something to her, or should i just drop it completely?

 

 

It'll only come off as you being bvtthurt and in the end be a waste of time showing you cared.

 

How do you know if she has or had anything going on with this guy and is trying to pass him off on you but he doesn't want to? Or he likes her and she's trying to pawn him off on you? Not saying that's happening at all but who knows. She could be the one trying to convince him to like you. No one knows these people only you.

 

I'd not bother with it. I've had people try to set me up with people before and in the end they all had things going on so I either never bothered with them or declined immediately.

 

It's best to find someone on your own. People may have good intentions but they may not see how the person truly is they are trying to set you up with as you would from a possible date etc. perspective.

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enchanted771 Established Member

enchanted771

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It'll only come off as you being bvtthurt and in the end be a waste of time showing you cared.

 

How do you know if she has or had anything going on with this guy and is trying to pass him off on you but he doesn't want to? Or he likes her and she's trying to pawn him off on you? Not saying that's happening at all but who knows. She could be the one trying to convince him to like you. No one knows these people only you.

 

I'd not bother with it. I've had people try to set me up with people before and in the end they all had things going on so I either never bothered with them or declined immediately.

 

It's best to find someone on your own. People may have good intentions but they may not see how the person truly is they are trying to set you up with as you would from a possible date etc. perspective.

I kind of doubt she had anything going on with this guy and that he liked her just because of his comments of the 3 of us going out for drinks. Originally was not even supposed to be a date, but he is the one who labeled it that. But then again, as you said you never know.

 

And I definitely dont want her to see that I am b*tt hurt over it or that its affecting me in any way. But yeah, the whole setting up thing usually doesnt work well anyways. When I think back, I dont think anyone has really ever set me up with any of my former boyfriends. I am sure she had good intentions, but was probably unaware how he really is outside of a professional prospective.

sickpuppy Established Member

sickpuppy

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I kind of doubt she had anything going on with this guy and that he liked her just because of his comments of the 3 of us going out for drinks. Originally was not even supposed to be a date, but he is the one who labeled it that. But then again, as you said you never know.

 

And I definitely dont want her to see that I am b*tt hurt over it or that its affecting me in any way. But yeah, the whole setting up thing usually doesnt work well anyways. When I think back, I dont think anyone has really ever set me up with any of my former boyfriends. I am sure she had good intentions, but was probably unaware how he really is outside of a professional prospective.

 

 

Forget telling her how he is outside of a professional situation. It doesn't matter and won't do anything. Better you see him for what he is now than in future dating. You have to literally never let them see you sweat, never get mad nor show any signs of weakness. You simply be cordial if you see him and keep it moving looking for someone better for you.

 

Don't be surpised in the least that this guy eventually wants to go out, calls you and at that point you may not even be interested.

 

If you still are at that point? You don't go by his plans. YOU tell him where YOU are going to be and if he wants to go he can go. Then let him decide. At that point it wouldn't matter if he didn't show as you were going where you said you were regardless and you aren't running your schedule on his timetable. (Though you never tell them that. I never let on to people. I let them either decide they want to spend time with me or let them hang themselves.)

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enchanted771 Established Member

enchanted771

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Forget telling her how he is outside of a professional situation. It doesn't matter and won't do anything. Better you see him for what he is now than in future dating. You have to literally never let them see you sweat, never get mad nor show any signs of weakness. You simply be cordial if you see him and keep it moving looking for someone better for you.

 

Don't be surpised in the least that this guy eventually wants to go out, calls you and at that point you may not even be interested.

 

If you still are at that point? You don't go by his plans. YOU tell him where YOU are going to be and if he wants to go he can go. Then let him decide. At that point it wouldn't matter if he didn't show as you were going where you said you were regardless and you aren't running your schedule on his timetable. (Though you never tell them that. I never let on to people. I let them either decide they want to spend time with me or let them hang themselves.)

Yes, because he is on a power trip and trying to have the upper hand. Honestly, I have already lost interest in the guy. If i happen to be available then he can buy me a couple drinks or if I am in the mood for cofee then leave it at that. I am not really thinking anything will ever happen anyways because he is just too undependable and I dont want to deal with it.
sickpuppy Established Member

sickpuppy

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Yes, because he is on a power trip and trying to have the upper hand. Honestly, I have already lost interest in the guy. If i happen to be available then he can buy me a couple drinks or if I am in the mood for cofee then leave it at that. I am not really thinking anything will ever happen anyways because he is just too undependable and I dont want to deal with it.

 

 

No. If he asks you out you decline and counter offer. (Something you already have plans for that you're going to. Like some art festival or something.) Then you tell him: "I'm going to this art festival next week. You can go if you'd like. If not that's ok too."

 

At this point there's no setting up dates. He has to show interest in now going where you are already going at this point. Not setting things up around him or planning things together. He already gave up that option. He has lowered his value at this point. Not you. You let people dik you around...they will. You have to then decide even if he does go to where you're at if he actually follows up after wanting you to go somewhere with him. You can't lead this guy all the time. You are offering that option to him ONCE.

 

It's like sales. You offer them options. They either buy or they don't and if not you let them shop or window browse elsewhere while someone better seals the deal with you.

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enchanted771 Established Member

enchanted771

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No. If he asks you out you decline and counter offer. (Something you already have plans for that you're going to. Like some art festival or something.) Then you tell him: "I'm going to this art festival next week. You can go if you'd like. If not that's ok too."

 

At this point there's no setting up dates. He has to show interest in now going where you are already going at this point. Not setting things up around him or planning things together. He already gave up that option. He has lowered his value at this point. Not you. You let people dik you around...they will. You have to then decide even if he does go to where you're at if he actually follows up after wanting you to go somewhere with him. You can't lead this guy all the time. You are offering that option to him ONCE.

 

It's like sales. You offer them options. They either buy or they don't and if not you let them shop or window browse elsewhere while someone better seals the deal with you.

wow all these dating games are complicated. And if I don't have plans then what? Make something up?
sickpuppy Established Member

sickpuppy

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wow all these dating games are complicated. And if I don't have plans then what? Make something up?

 

If you don't you simply let him know that next time you have plans you'll let him know and he can go. You ARE still telling him you would like to meet. (While in the meantime looking for a better person for you.) If that time comes you tell him where you are going and he either goes or doesn't. Then he's out. That time may never come as you may never even need to tell him where you are going as you may've found someone better who doesn't need to play power trip or whatever nonsense.

 

You already gave him the chance to ask you out and follow through. He got strike one. You are giving him one last chance. (but not telling him that.) There are only two strikes not three.

 

The ONLY time you cancel out a strike is if there is a great excuse and a counter offer from the person you asked. If there is no counter offer or one never comes that shows you their true interest and you don't need wishy washy gametime. No "shy" excuses etc.

Edited by sickpuppy
Lansing Established Member

Lansing

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Why would you blame your co-worker?? She was trying to help you out. She isn't going to introduce you to new people if you start complaining about how this guy didn't call/etc. It is totally on the guy, maybe he just didn't feel the vibe or thought it was weird getting set up like that.

 

Regardless, you need to get over it yourself and focus on meeting new people if that is what you want.

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enchanted771 Established Member

enchanted771

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Why would you blame your co-worker?? She was trying to help you out. She isn't going to introduce you to new people if you start complaining about how this guy didn't call/etc. It is totally on the guy, maybe he just didn't feel the vibe or thought it was weird getting set up like that.

 

Regardless, you need to get over it yourself and focus on meeting new people if that is what you want.

Yes, I know...it just wasnt meant to be. He was the one asking to be set up, so he is just a flake
Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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Once you initiate the meeting, anything else that happens is out of your hands, and at the same time, not your business.

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enchanted771 Established Member

enchanted771

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Once you initiate the meeting, anything else that happens is out of your hands, and at the same time, not your business.
True. He has my number so theres no reason for him to even say anything to her anymore about it. He didnt have it before.
StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

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Its not her fault... I wouldn't say anything and if she asked I would say "we never got together on it".

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enchanted771 Established Member

enchanted771

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Yeah I know. Hard not to take it personal, but maybe

It's a blessing in disguise how he really is as a person.

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