mixeypixey Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 i broke up w my girl like 3 months back.. long story short i was dealing with losing my job at the time and i basically just moped and went all negative on her.. blew up on her etc.. i have a bit of mental/emotional issues as well so the blow up was pretty...severe.. so she wasn't comfortable with me anymore and broke up anyways it's been like 2 months of NC.. she hasn't texted me.. i tried calling like 2 weeks back and she turned down my call after like 2 rings.. anyways this is ****ing driving me crazy i need some kind of closure.. so i'm deciding to e-mail her.. i had it in my mind that if ignore her for ages and ages.. there is an off chance that if we do contact or bump into each other again i could have another chance with her.. in that space and time maybe i'll be a more positive person and she wouldn't mind giving it a try.. if i ignore her she might miss me and i dunno it's just a gut feeling i have (tactical instincts?) hehe i dunno do you guys believe that's true? if i do ignore her more and more.. in the case that i do see her again i might have another chance? seems obvious but what do you guys think.. if not i'm just gonna email her.. say sorry.. take care etc etc
BC1980 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 So you are saying that: 1. You were the dumper. 2. You want a second chance. Am I correct? If so, why do you want a second chance would be my first question?
Author mixeypixey Posted September 19, 2013 Author Posted September 19, 2013 i was definitely not the dumper mate.. she dumped me
BC1980 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 I would definitely not try to contact her if she didn't answer your call 2 weeks ago. I'm sorry to be harsh, but she obviously doesn't want to talk to you. So you want to email her because you think she has a better chance of reading it? If she reads it, do you think she will respond? If she does respond, do you think she is going to want a second chance? Be honest with yourself. What do you really think will happen if you email her? 1
lylat333 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 hey mixeypixey, I remember your other thread here... one important detail I think you're leaving out is she went back to her ex-bf, right? Like I said in your other thread, I think it's a really, really bad idea to break NC, but even moreso if she's w/ her ex. I get the feeling you suspect she misses you, she's only with her ex just to make you mad, etc... and that's normal for the dumpee to assume your ex must miss you. But... truth is you contacting her is going to drive her farther away. A dumper won't come back unless they've had time to reconsider and come to the conclusion they may have made a mistake. You've already said you're sorry, you said so in your other thread so continuing to apologize is a bad idea. I know you want closure, but emailing her will not bring you that closure. Chances are she'll see it, think "what now?" skim through it, and not bother to respond. The strong, respectful, and attractive thing to do is remain in NC. I now find peace of mind knowing it's not in my power nor my place to change how my ex feels. I don't have to worry about trying to find the perfect words to say. It is in my power to change me. If you don't have the ability or desire to do that... maybe because you are only motivated by what will get your ex back, you're in the wrong place. This is day 55 since I heard from my ex, it does get better (slowly) if you hang on. If you haven't blocked your ex out of your life, I highly recommend it. Block her on FB, don't talk to mutual friends trying to get dirt on her life, cut ties completely. Another difficult decision but one that will bring you towards where you want to be. 1
travelonic Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 So you are saying that: 1. You were the dumper. 2. You want a second chance. Am I correct? If so, why do you want a second chance would be my first question? I don't get a subset of mentality I see on these forums - and other forums on this subject - whee a breakup automatically should == not deserving a second chance - either for one, the other, or both parties involved, as opposed to determining that based on specific circumstances in the BU - like if there was or wasn't cheating involved [if there was would be a huge red flag imo], whether the issues contributing to the BU, whatever they were, were big, and in the time since the BU if they had been recognized/fixed, etc.
lylat333 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 I don't get a subset of mentality I see on these forums - and other forums on this subject - whee a breakup automatically should == not deserving a second chance BC1980 didn't say he wasn't deserving of a second chance, just asking a question. mixeypixey, I just went through of some of your other posts and it looks like you are in some tough times. Finding out you have a child on the way? Career struggles? I fear you are looking at contacting your ex as a hail mary to turn it all around. This is the hardest time in life to do it, but it sounds like you need to focus on you. Take things one day at a time, try to keep putting one foot in front of the other and get to a better place. Spending all of your mental energy on an ex is enough to cripple someone. And again... if you haven't done it already, cut her completely out of your life. I promise living life without her is the most attractive thing to do - not just for her, or for someone you may meet, but for you.
BC1980 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 I don't get a subset of mentality I see on these forums - and other forums on this subject - whee a breakup automatically should == not deserving a second chance - either for one, the other, or both parties involved, as opposed to determining that based on specific circumstances in the BU - like if there was or wasn't cheating involved [if there was would be a huge red flag imo], whether the issues contributing to the BU, whatever they were, were big, and in the time since the BU if they had been recognized/fixed, etc. I feel that if you are going to do something major like break NC for a second chance, you need to really be sure that you want that chance. Because you don't know how your ex will respond. I think it's best to make sure it's worth it to break NC. I just couldn't tell from his story whether or not he was the dumper/dumpee, and I think that is really important when deciding to break NC. Just my opinions though. It certainly doesn't mean I am correct in all situations.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 I don't get a subset of mentality I see on these forums - and other forums on this subject - whee a breakup automatically should == not deserving a second chance - either for one, the other, or both parties involved, as opposed to determining that based on specific circumstances in the BU - like if there was or wasn't cheating involved [if there was would be a huge red flag imo], whether the issues contributing to the BU, whatever they were, were big, and in the time since the BU if they had been recognized/fixed, etc. Well, this was random.
Author mixeypixey Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 cool.. these forums are always helpful hahaha anyways.. thanks for the kind responses so i won't email her then! i dunno i guess i thought if i did.. it would just like the end the whole thing.. honestly the only reason that i would ever want her back is that i love her.. i mean we have too many differences.. maybe my view on this whole thing is distorted because of the way my life is going i dunno love is a confusing thing.. cool thanks guys
Author mixeypixey Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 and I REALLY WISH the moderators would change things.. and allow us to delete earlier posts what if someone i know reads one of my crazier and revealing posts hello hello moderator.. change that sh**! please! there's a lot of lost people on here that might write stupid stuff when they're drunk etc.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 and I REALLY WISH the moderators would change things.. and allow us to delete earlier posts what if someone i know reads one of my crazier and revealing posts hello hello moderator.. change that sh**! please! there's a lot of lost people on here that might write stupid stuff when they're drunk etc. Don't worry dude, we've all been there. No shame. As long as you didn't put any identifying details, you should be good. But we aren't judging the crazy -- all of us have been "crazy" at some point. 1
Recommended Posts