Grass is greener syndrome? Or not?

[No_closure]

I am so confused about my situation because only HE has the answers. I posted a lengthy version of my story a few weeks ago but I am starting to think it is Grass Is Greener Syndrome.

 

We are married (I'm 23, he is 21. Young and stupid) for 10 months, together for 4 years. About 1 week before he left me he kept talking about his 2 friends at work and how much fun he has with them and yada yada. Note: We never had any friends and it was always just us.

 

So, that was weird to me about how much he kept talking about his buddies all the sudden and it was just...weird. Like a man crush or something. One of his friends has his ears pierced and my husband kept asking me if he would look good with his ears pierced....And his friend also has facial hair and my husband started growing his facial hair out and was really into it.

 

Then we JUST started college and he freaked out when I was away at class when he was SUPPOSED to do his paper but he went to his friends house and drank. He never EVER drank before.

 

I ended up doing his paper for him but I was super angry. 2 days later, he flipped out on me because I wanted to go with him and his friends. Because I ALWAYS went before. He flipped out, ran away to his mommy's house and came back the next day SUPER ANGRY at me and continued to lie to me saying he will be back and he loves me and that everything was ok.

 

Few hours later in a text message he ended it vaguely. So, basically doesn't want to be married, didn't want to pay rent (Tried to make me pay half when he supported me!) and just literally walked out on me. He reverted back to his mommy's house and doesn't want to take any responsibility of his actions.

 

The same day he ended it, he got his ears pierced just like his friend did, he got a gym membership (he is so skinny..) and a tanning membership.

 

He made a facebook (we never had one before) and added all these people he talked crap about and who also don't like him. He is so fake and trying to start a new life it seems.

 

To me, it seems like he THINKS he has a taste of freedom and his buddies are soooo cool and that I was holding him back and that he can go party now and whatever. But I honestly DO NOT KNOW!

 

It has been 3 weeks now, how long does it take them to realize the grass isn't greener? IF that is the case?

[HereWeGoAgain1]

Although this might sound rude of me...do you really want him to come back?

 

As he is young it's likely he's just going through the phase we all go through at that time in our lives, just sadly he's left you behind in order to do it and it smacks of immaturity.

 

I'm sure one day he'll realise his mistake but you're only going to hurt yourself by waiting for that day, it could be weeks or it could be years I'm sorry to say.

[No_closure]

Although this might sound rude of me...do you really want him to come back?

 

As he is young it's likely he's just going through the phase we all go through at that time in our lives, just sadly he's left you behind in order to do it and it smacks of immaturity.

 

I'm sure one day he'll realise his mistake but you're only going to hurt yourself by waiting for that day, it could be weeks or it could be years I'm sorry to say.

 

 

No worries, you aren't being rude. People have been asking me that and God I have no answer for that. I tell myself NO WAY would I ever take him back but then I tell myself I believe in marriage and forgiveness (as long as no cheating...) but I honestly don't know.

 

I think what I want most is ANSWERS and an APOLOGY. And you are very right that I will just be hurting myself waiting for that day to come IF he ever mans up and admits what he has done. I am in a constant battle with my emotions and I just don't see how you can walk away SO HEARTLESS with no regret or guilt for what you have done.

[JoelBarish]

I am so confused about my situation because only HE has the answers. I posted a lengthy version of my story a few weeks ago but I am starting to think it is Grass Is Greener Syndrome.

 

We are married (I'm 23, he is 21. Young and stupid) for 10 months, together for 4 years. About 1 week before he left me he kept talking about his 2 friends at work and how much fun he has with them and yada yada. Note: We never had any friends and it was always just us.

 

So, that was weird to me about how much he kept talking about his buddies all the sudden and it was just...weird. Like a man crush or something. One of his friends has his ears pierced and my husband kept asking me if he would look good with his ears pierced....And his friend also has facial hair and my husband started growing his facial hair out and was really into it.

 

Then we JUST started college and he freaked out when I was away at class when he was SUPPOSED to do his paper but he went to his friends house and drank. He never EVER drank before.

 

I ended up doing his paper for him but I was super angry. 2 days later, he flipped out on me because I wanted to go with him and his friends. Because I ALWAYS went before. He flipped out, ran away to his mommy's house and came back the next day SUPER ANGRY at me and continued to lie to me saying he will be back and he loves me and that everything was ok.

 

Few hours later in a text message he ended it vaguely. So, basically doesn't want to be married, didn't want to pay rent (Tried to make me pay half when he supported me!) and just literally walked out on me. He reverted back to his mommy's house and doesn't want to take any responsibility of his actions.

 

The same day he ended it, he got his ears pierced just like his friend did, he got a gym membership (he is so skinny..) and a tanning membership.

 

He made a facebook (we never had one before) and added all these people he talked crap about and who also don't like him. He is so fake and trying to start a new life it seems.

 

To me, it seems like he THINKS he has a taste of freedom and his buddies are soooo cool and that I was holding him back and that he can go party now and whatever. But I honestly DO NOT KNOW!

 

It has been 3 weeks now, how long does it take them to realize the grass isn't greener? IF that is the case?

 

I know that for up to 3 years I kept wondering if one of my exes was going to come back. I kept my distance, made no contact and never snooped. Then one day I was thinking of getting a different job and I was afraid that it would put me in contact with that particular ex. So I snooped online to see if maybe she had moved to a different town and I instead found out she had gotten married.

 

Needless to say, I got over her for good after that and I didn't want her to ever come back

[No_closure]

I know that for up to 3 years I kept wondering if one of my exes was going to come back. I kept my distance, made no contact and never snooped. Then one day I was thinking of getting a different job and I was afraid that it would put me in contact with that particular ex. So I snooped online to see if maybe she had moved to a different town and I instead found out she had gotten married.

 

Needless to say, I got over her for good after that and I didn't want her to ever come back

 

 

Wow I am so sorry. Well I am glad you got over her for good then after those years. God, now I really need to make sure to never look at his facebook ever again. I will fall to pieces if I found out in the near future he got married AGAIN when I was his wife... Now I am feeling pissed off and I just hate this situation I am in and I hate him so SO much.

[JoelBarish]

Wow I am so sorry. Well I am glad you got over her for good then after those years. God, now I really need to make sure to never look at his facebook ever again. I will fall to pieces if I found out in the near future he got married AGAIN when I was his wife... Now I am feeling pissed off and I just hate this situation I am in and I hate him so SO much.

 

I wish I could hate my recent ex. But she came over and comforted me Monday because she knew how upset I was the way she ended it initially. How can I hate someone who is so nice....just doesn't want to be with me anymore.

 

Use your anger to make yourself strong

[No_closure]

I wish I could hate my recent ex. But she came over and comforted me Monday because she knew how upset I was the way she ended it initially. How can I hate someone who is so nice....just doesn't want to be with me anymore.

 

Use your anger to make yourself strong

 

 

I am trying so hard to. I don't want to be angry and filled with hatred. But it's a constant battle of emotions. One minute, I forgive him and get all upbeat about meeting someone new. The next minute, I hate him and feel like I will never find someone else. Everyone says how beautiful I am and that I will have no problem finding a guy. But that's just it. I don't feel beautiful, I feel so insecure especially since my husband is such a shy, quiet, akward guy. And if he didn't want me, then who will?

[JoelBarish]

Wow I am so sorry. Well I am glad you got over her for good then after those years. God, now I really need to make sure to never look at his facebook ever again. I will fall to pieces if I found out in the near future he got married AGAIN when I was his wife... Now I am feeling pissed off and I just hate this situation I am in and I hate him so SO much.

 

I'm sure it had nothing to do with your looks. Your looks didn't change. Something inside him changed.

[No_closure]

I'm sure it had nothing to do with your looks. Your looks didn't change. Something inside him changed.

 

 

Yeah that's what everyone tells me. And they point out all these famous, beautiful women who have been cheated on. Something inside of him did change like you said. I wonder if he will ever regret it.

 

I don't see how you can go from this: Staying in your room > not speaking to literally NO ONE > meets me > become best friends > start dating > got married > made his first real friends at work that he REALLY liked > it's over.

 

I honestly think he left me for his friends lol. I laugh about it because when is he going to realize he can't F*ck his friends! Unless he wants to which is a WHOLE new different can of worms. He did keep talking about this particular guy over and over. Like, WAY TOO MUCH! And would wake up in the middle of the night to text him. I would read it so it's not like he was hiding anything... I think I am going to head over to the sexuality section and post there lol

 

Edit: My family always told me they thought he was too feminine and we went to a party one time and these girls were like "I know he is your boyfriend so don't get offended but he seems...gay. Sorry." and I was pissed of course but I did see it...

Edited September 20, 2013 by No_closure

[hurts2death]

gigs i believe

Yeah that's what everyone tells me. And they point out all these famous, beautiful women who have been cheated on. Something inside of him did change like you said. I wonder if he will ever regret it.

 

I don't see how you can go from this: Staying in your room > not speaking to literally NO ONE > meets me > become best friends > start dating > got married > made his first real friends at work that he REALLY liked > it's over.

 

I honestly think he left me for his friends lol. I laugh about it because when is he going to realize he can't F*ck his friends! Unless he wants to which is a WHOLE new different can of worms. He did keep talking about this particular guy over and over. Like, WAY TOO MUCH! And would wake up in the middle of the night to text him. I would read it so it's not like he was hiding anything... I think I am going to head over to the sexuality section and post there lol

 

Edit: My family always told me they thought he was too feminine and we went to a party one time and these girls were like "I know he is your boyfriend so don't get offended but he seems...gay. Sorry." and I was pissed of course but I did see it...

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I use to ask this too so I get it.....

 

but I HATE how everyone tries to put a label on something to try and justify the situation. GIGS, cold feet, non-commitmenal, etc etc etc.

 

All and all, it doesnt really matter WHY he left. Fact of the matter is, he did. To be honest, he was getting married TOO young, especially if he wanted to go out and have fun. You guys were together for four years, so my horrible math tells me he was 17. In high school still......good lord, the female population was still vastly weird to me at that point (still is at 27 lol). What I'm saying is you guys are so young and it doesnt really matter what the reasons where, you sitting around waiting isnt going to do anything but cause more heartache. If he did this once, why wouldnt he do it again if he realized he made a mistake?? That trust is gone now.

 

God speed

[No_closure]

I use to ask this too so I get it.....

 

but I HATE how everyone tries to put a label on something to try and justify the situation. GIGS, cold feet, non-commitmenal, etc etc etc.

 

All and all, it doesnt really matter WHY he left. Fact of the matter is, he did. To be honest, he was getting married TOO young, especially if he wanted to go out and have fun. You guys were together for four years, so my horrible math tells me he was 17. In high school still......good lord, the female population was still vastly weird to me at that point (still is at 27 lol). What I'm saying is you guys are so young and it doesnt really matter what the reasons where, you sitting around waiting isnt going to do anything but cause more heartache. If he did this once, why wouldnt he do it again if he realized he made a mistake?? That trust is gone now.

 

God speed

 

 

You are 100% right. He left, reasons unknown but he left. And like you said, if he did it once he could do it again.

 

You know what's funny though? 3 months before we started dating we got in a HUGE fight. I honestly don't remember what it was about but I believe he was hanging with the wrong crowd and trying to be cool and drink and stuff.

 

So we had no contact for 3 months and out of no where he texts me saying sorry and that he was being dumb. He later then elaborates that he tried the whole party thing and it wasn't fun because I wasn't there with him and he tried so hard to make new friends but it wasn't the same.

 

Now, it's like a repeat of that but only this time we are married. *Sigh*