FeelsBad Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 (edited) Hey forum. I would appreciate some new angles on this because I really don't know what to do at this point. So me and my now ex girlfriend (We broke up 5 days ago) have been together for almost 1 year now. I am 20 and she is 17. We have had our ups and downs. It took a long time for her to want to get into an official relationship. We probably dated for about 4 months before she felt it was time. I live about 3 hours away from her. We have made it work fairly well. She came to visit me in the weekends and holidays and whenever she had time, and I came to visit her as often as I could as well. The last months of our relationship has not been that good. I noticed that something was wrong, and I didn't feel like she gave anything back into the relationship. She stopped being the one who wanted to meet and visit. This resulted in me being scared of losing her, and I naturally pulled her closer to me. Now that I look back at this I feel bad because i feel like I came on too strong and became clingy. So, we have had some fights, and we have been on breaks a couple of times, but we always sorted it out. So this sunday, she broke up with me for real and says that she has lost feelings for me. She said that she had been dealing with this for a long time, and had been feeling down and sad by the relationship. She said there was no chance for us to be together, and that we both had to face the facts. Our relationship had been going downwards. We both cried alot when we broke up, and neither of us wanted to leave eachother. So when i left, I didn't know what to do. I sat in my car for 10 minutes. I then picked some flowers for her and went back to her, about an hour after the breakup. She then told me that there is a lot going on in her life. She said that she needed some weeks to think about stuff, and that we shouldn't have any contact during that time. So, when night came, she messaged me on Facebook. We talked a bit, but I was so sad and kept writing all this sad stuff. She said she could call me before she went to bed, but from tomorrow, no contact. I agreed. We talked for probably 1 or 2 hours. I understood her decision and it all sounded very mature. We said goodnight and hang up. Right after, I got a text message saying good night and that she loves me. I replied the same thing. The morning after i got a message saying that this will be a hard time, not speaking to eachother, but that we are doing this hoping there could be a chance for us. I didn't answer, since we agreed no contact. Right before she went to bed that night, she texted me again saying she can't do this no contact, and she doesn't feel it's the right thing to do. She wants me to do this with her. She said we could talk a little bit each night/every other night/ a few nights a week. I replied and we started talking, and she also called me after a while. The conversation ended with I love you and good night. We have talked every night since the breakup. I am not sure if I should go NC with her, because I don't want to cut her out of my life. Although I feel that if we keep talking every night, she will not miss me in the same way. I want her to miss me, and want me back. I want her back. I have been reading and thinking alot lately. I might have become a doormat the last months, and being very clingy and not very independent and strong. I feel like this has turned her off. We were very much in love at first. So far, what I have decided is that I should be there for her when she contacts me, but I do not contact her. I should be strong and independent. I will try and start that spark again when we talk. And after a while i might ask her to come with me for a coffee or lunch or something. I really love this girl, and I really want her back. It would have been nice with some input on what I am doing wrong or what I could do. All input is apreciated, but I prefer how to get her back over "ditch her". Thank you. Edited September 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
mixeypixey Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 yeah i think you're tactic is right.. sometimes guys.. men.. whatever, we kind of lose ourselves when it comes to love and our manhood? just goes down the drain.. i'm not sure that's totally the case for you but girls like it when they are being taken care of in the relationship so yeah just try to be the stronger one and have a firm grip in the relationship, ie have complete faith that she will be yours.. i believe if you truly have that faith she won't go anywhere.. she obviously really loves you but she is 17 and that's a weird and tough age for anyone (especially girls) so just calm down relax and have faith that she's yours and just wait until whatever she's dealing with blows out.. pray a lot too haha seems so serious this stuff but it actually really is all the best
Author FeelsBad Posted September 19, 2013 Author Posted September 19, 2013 Thank you for your response! It's really hard not to contact her. I really miss her a lot. I keep saying to myself that if I want her back, I need to do the right things. Everytime I contact her and become clingy, I drive her further away. At the same time, I am so afraid that if I don't contact her, she will forget about me and get over me. That is probably not the case, and deep inside I know that she misses me a lot, but the thought still scares me. I think about her every minute of the day. Everytime somebody calls me or texts me, I look at the phone in hope that it's her. I want to show her that i can give her the space she needs, even though it's killing me inside not being able to talk to her.
lylat333 Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 I keep saying to myself that if I want her back, I need to do the right things. Everytime I contact her and become clingy, I drive her further away. At the same time, I am so afraid that if I don't contact her, she will forget about me and get over me. That is probably not the case, and deep inside I know that she misses me a lot, but the thought still scares me. It's not just you that worries about this, many of us have. Most people give in and dig themselves a hole - be the strong minority! I read a post recently I really liked, went something like this - we can't guarantee whether or not our ex will ever miss us. We can only guarantee they won't miss us by being in contact.
Author FeelsBad Posted September 19, 2013 Author Posted September 19, 2013 What makes it so hard is that she has been texting me every night since the break-up. I am afraid that if I ignore her and go all NC, she will think that I am done with her and try and forget me rather than work things out. It is hard not to answer because I really care for this girl, and I want to be there for her. It feels so good talking to her. Afterwards it all comes back though.
loveiswar101 Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Thank you for your response! It's really hard not to contact her. I really miss her a lot. I keep saying to myself that if I want her back, I need to do the right things. Everytime I contact her and become clingy, I drive her further away. At the same time, I am so afraid that if I don't contact her, she will forget about me and get over me. That is probably not the case, and deep inside I know that she misses me a lot, but the thought still scares me. I think about her every minute of the day. Everytime somebody calls me or texts me, I look at the phone in hope that it's her. I want to show her that i can give her the space she needs, even though it's killing me inside not being able to talk to her. Deja Vu. Buddy. Mine is exactly the same but i'm a lot older. It is bloody tough, I saw mine girl yesterday and she looked awesome and I went to jelly all needy and weird. WE BOTH HAVE TO HAVE TRUST IN OURSELVES AND DO THE RIGHT THING AND GIVE THEM SPACE. Hang In There Buddy..
mixeypixey Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 wait if she texts you.. then you should text her back man .. ? just talk normally though.. don't get all weird and crazy saying stuff like i love youuu i miss you come back to me etc etc hehe
Author FeelsBad Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 Right now I'm trying my best not looking needy. I always talk to her in a normal way whenever we talk. I know I should try not to talk about anything negative and try and keep our talks as something positive that we both look forward to. It's hard to only talk when she wants, but I guess that it's important to put the ball in her court for a while.
spawn Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Think about it like this, "why haven't you called?" Sounds a helluva lot better than "why are you calling again?"
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