No_closure Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 We never had facebook throughout our relationship and he walked out on me 3 weeks ago. Last week I checked to see if he had a Facebook. He didn't. I checked a couple days ago and he does now. He looked high on drugs or something and he is all by himself and added all these people who never talked to him and no one commented on his stuff or "liked" anything. I told myself I will NEVER EVER look at it again. But now I am struggling and fighting with everything I have to NOT look at it! Because WHY would I want to when it will just torture me more? Is it because I have no closure from the way he just walked out on me? I have no idea.... How do you all resist the urge?
Sneaky Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 I think a way to go about it is creating obstacles. It's too easy to cave in the spur of the moment when you can just have a quick look. But if you've created an obstacle it takes more work to actually get to that page and you might realize why you put it there in the first place; because nothing good comes of it. I'm using an extension for Chrome that blocks the URL to my ex's social media called Nanny for google chrome. Depending on your browser you might be able to find something similar. I hope things go well for you.
JoelBarish Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 We never had facebook throughout our relationship and he walked out on me 3 weeks ago. Last week I checked to see if he had a Facebook. He didn't. I checked a couple days ago and he does now. He looked high on drugs or something and he is all by himself and added all these people who never talked to him and no one commented on his stuff or "liked" anything. I told myself I will NEVER EVER look at it again. But now I am struggling and fighting with everything I have to NOT look at it! Because WHY would I want to when it will just torture me more? Is it because I have no closure from the way he just walked out on me? I have no idea.... How do you all resist the urge? You know, I have never had a facebook either but my ex has always had one. The last 2 days I have been severely tempted to look at her page but I have resisted. I've struggled to find answers within myself as to why things happened the way they did. I am so tempted to look at her FB because (like you) I'm hoping to find answers. Maybe if I see pics of her with someone else I would stop the wondering...BUT I know from my previous breakups how severe the pain would be to snoop her FB and see her with someone else. It's like a panic attack isn't it. Rapid heart beat...anxiety welling up in your chest...snooping will make this worse, not better. Sure maybe I would find an "answer" but in the end does it really matter? What's the difference if my ex left me because she chose someone else or if she left me and chose "no one" over me. Either way she made her choice and it wasn't me. Say no, to more pain. Don't snoop 3
Author No_closure Posted September 19, 2013 Author Posted September 19, 2013 You know, I have never had a facebook either but my ex has always had one. The last 2 days I have been severely tempted to look at her page but I have resisted. I've struggled to find answers within myself as to why things happened the way they did. I am so tempted to look at her FB because (like you) I'm hoping to find answers. Maybe if I see pics of her with someone else I would stop the wondering...BUT I know from my previous breakups how severe the pain would be to snoop her FB and see her with someone else. It's like a panic attack isn't it. Rapid heart beat...anxiety welling up in your chest...snooping will make this worse, not better. Sure maybe I would find an "answer" but in the end does it really matter? What's the difference if my ex left me because she chose someone else or if she left me and chose "no one" over me. Either way she made her choice and it wasn't me. Say no, to more pain. Don't snoop Wow...you worded that last part perfectly. I keep going over things in my head like ok what is worse? He left me for another girl? Or he left me for NO ONE? I was really that bad that you couldn't stand me? Just all this crap in my head repeats. And you are so, SO right... They made their choice and it wasn't us. And yeah what is the point in looking at their facebook? Just to torture ourselves more I guess? *Sigh*.... I will continue to hold out even though, as you know, it is SO hard! 3
lucias Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 I resist looking at anything that may hurt me even more with regards to my ex, however, even after nearly 6 months I have very painful debilitating days & I feel that maybe seeing him actually moved on, might help with closure for me & force me out of this depression. It's hard. Pain is pain. 1
stormer1092 Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 I'm in a different boat then you people. I'm the dumpee and as soon as she left me for another guy she blocked ME. But its her loss.
love1336x Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 You block him or you don't go anywhere near a computer. Don't download the app on the phone for fb. Facebook will only cause so much pain. It will be unbearable. 4
Author No_closure Posted September 20, 2013 Author Posted September 20, 2013 Yeah, I agree. We need to not ever look at their pages. It's hard though because obviously we are curious about the person we had a relationship/marriage with.... but we HAVE to fight the urge no matter what. 2
JoelBarish Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Ok I am super tempted to check my exes FB right now. Time to follow my own advice. UGH 1
clementyne Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 (edited) Ok I am super tempted to check my exes FB right now. Time to follow my own advice. UGH Don't! FB was created by Satan to lure the heartbroken and curious into temptation. And you know what happens to the curious, don't you?! Nothing good has ever come out of checking an ex's FB. Trust me, I'm living proof. Edited September 20, 2013 by clementyne 1
JoelBarish Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Don't! FB was created by Satan to lure the heartbroken and curious into temptation. And you know what happens to the curious, don't you?! Nothing good has ever come out of checking an ex's FB. Trust me, I'm living proof. Well it has been almost 2 hours since my last post. I didn't look and the urge to look has faded. Thanks for watching my back Huckleberry Hound. I knew that FB had to be the work of the Devil. 1
Waz Posted September 20, 2013 Posted September 20, 2013 Been there, done that. Not from my profile, cause i unfriended her immediately, but she still has my cycle of friends, so i took peek at her, short after things between us ended (around 2 months after). What i saw, enraged me more. So, i agree with the others. No checking on facebook. You really can't find any answer, i mean, even if someone left you for someone else and you realize it on facebook, you still can't figure out what pushed them away from you, the real answers. Also, from the other side. Even if you find nothing at all, i mean no activity or minimum activity which is irrelevant with what you're searching for, you'll probably wonder "why? It seems they have full life and they don't have the time to post on facebook" or something similar. And you will be more curious and of course more depressed. Nah, i learned that thankfully only by peeking once. Not again. No facebook guys, and it's for the best to delete it too, for some people it consumes time without even realizing it and also this **** watches every move you make, every click you do, it's scary
Author No_closure Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Been there, done that. Not from my profile, cause i unfriended her immediately, but she still has my cycle of friends, so i took peek at her, short after things between us ended (around 2 months after). What i saw, enraged me more. So, i agree with the others. No checking on facebook. You really can't find any answer, i mean, even if someone left you for someone else and you realize it on facebook, you still can't figure out what pushed them away from you, the real answers. Also, from the other side. Even if you find nothing at all, i mean no activity or minimum activity which is irrelevant with what you're searching for, you'll probably wonder "why? It seems they have full life and they don't have the time to post on facebook" or something similar. And you will be more curious and of course more depressed. Nah, i learned that thankfully only by peeking once. Not again. No facebook guys, and it's for the best to delete it too, for some people it consumes time without even realizing it and also this **** watches every move you make, every click you do, it's scary ^ This. I never had a facebook and neither did he. But he made one last week and added all his co-workers. No activity on there, no one likes or comments his stuff. He just did it to fill the void and to TRY and feel cool. It's pretty obvious. However, I am sure if I check it every now and then I will NOT like what I find. So, I am glad I only peeked once but that is it. I know I will still have the urges but need to stop. Think. Walk away from the computer. Edit: Joel, I am glad you did NOT look! Just please DON'T!!! 1
JoelBarish Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Edit: Joel, I am glad you did NOT look! Just please DON'T!!! Ok I won't! Thanks for the support! Facebook is the Devil!!
Mr Scorpio Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 How do you all resist the urge? I seem to be the oddball in this regard. I only signed up on FB after being prodded by my ex. Once she left me, I stayed away from FB like it was the plague. I had no temptation to view it, because I knew doing so would only cause me pain. I didn't want to see posts, pics, etc talking about her new beau. Now that the band-aid has been fully ripped off (I saw the worst possible photo I could ever see) I might actually start going back on. It's been three years.
Author No_closure Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 Ok I won't! Thanks for the support! Facebook is the Devil!! You are welcome! And yes it really is the Devil! Everyone on there is fake anyway and try to make their life seem so great. All fake. But still, a picture of him/her with someone else isn't fake and would kill us. 2
JoelBarish Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Yes my old ticker can't take much more...
Author No_closure Posted September 21, 2013 Author Posted September 21, 2013 GOD! Was tempted again tonight to look at his facebook because he is STILL on my Pandora Music account and listening to all this emo sh*t and metal stuff that he never listened to before. I was going to look and see if the girl I think he likes listens to that music. Why can't we take our own advice? I'm not going to look but ughhh!!!!!!
JoelBarish Posted September 21, 2013 Posted September 21, 2013 Because this all happened just recently, that's why it is so hard right now. I know from my past that it will get easier. I was thinking of my ex a little bit ago. I was thinking how we were such good friends. We did everything together. Yet I also remember all the times I had thoughts about her being a bit too weird or crazy for me. Yet I ignored the bad thoughts back then because I enjoyed the good stuff so much. Maybe my ex did me a favor and next time I will find someone who is more the way I want.
AnnaAnna Posted October 1, 2013 Posted October 1, 2013 I'm in a different boat then you people. I'm the dumpee and as soon as she left me for another guy she blocked ME. But its her loss. I got blocked too. Hell, I could care less. Makes things so much easier for me
rossi128 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I was also blocked from Facebook (I'm the dumpee) but found a way around it. After seeing my ex with her new bf on Facebook made me angry and upset me (only weeks after dumping me). That was the catalyst I needed to stop looking and to move on and focus on me. Also, in my opinion she downgraded which made me feel better about myself haha. But I wish I hadn't looked. And I won't again. I not saying I'm not tempted but I don't want to feel like I did when I did that time. But I am curious to see if this new bf lasts longer than I did though. DON'T LOOK. That's my advice. 3
JoelBarish Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I was also blocked from Facebook (I'm the dumpee) but found a way around it. After seeing my ex with her new bf on Facebook made me angry and upset me (only weeks after dumping me). That was the catalyst I needed to stop looking and to move on and focus on me. Also, in my opinion she downgraded which made me feel better about myself haha. But I wish I hadn't looked. And I won't again. I not saying I'm not tempted but I don't want to feel like I did when I did that time. But I am curious to see if this new bf lasts longer than I did though. DON'T LOOK. That's my advice. Exactly. I know that looking and possibly seeing her with someone else MIGHT kill off the hope that she would come back. But the pain would not be worth it. Because at the end of the day it doesn't matter, either way I still need to heal and move on with my life instead of hoping for something that will probably never happen. 1
todreaminblue Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 to stop myself i think of him knowing that i have checked his facebook and having a feeling of loathing and a disgusted look on his face...makes it easy to avoid that....i have an imagination and its easy for me to picture it..the fact he wouldnt want me to also helps...i hodl respect fro what people would not want me to do ...so i dont do it...deb
AnnaAnna Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 I was also blocked from Facebook (I'm the dumpee) but found a way around it. After seeing my ex with her new bf on Facebook made me angry and upset me (only weeks after dumping me). That was the catalyst I needed to stop looking and to move on and focus on me. Also, in my opinion she downgraded which made me feel better about myself haha. But I wish I hadn't looked. And I won't again. I not saying I'm not tempted but I don't want to feel like I did when I did that time. But I am curious to see if this new bf lasts longer than I did though. DON'T LOOK. That's my advice. Just like you, I found a way around it and looked. Nothing new on his fb. No new pics, nothing. The pic I took of him when we were together is still his profile pic.
rossi128 Posted October 2, 2013 Posted October 2, 2013 (edited) All traces of me have been removed from her fb page. Like I never existed. There's pics of her that I took and a pic of some lovely flowers I bought her still there but you wouldn't know they were anything to do with me. Ignore Facebook, live your life have fun. Edit: Also if they block you from Facebook it does you a favour, cuts out temptation, out of sight out of mind. Edited October 2, 2013 by rossi128 1
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