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should I forward e-mails to his wife

tiernan

By tiernan
in The Other Man / Woman

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tiernan Established Member

tiernan

Posted
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I am really getting angry, he sent me another pathetic e-mail at night saying how mouch he loves me, thinks of me constantly and all that crap. I think it is the 5th breach of no contact within 2 weeks. I got so angry tonight, it ruined my sleep of course, but above all I start to hate him. I had a thought of sending them to his wife, as apparently she got what she wanted and he came back home after two years of being with me. I have never believed in doing things like that, but I have such an urge to write "can you please make your husband stop writing to me" above all the e-mails from him. Do you think it will be mean. I cannot change my e-mail address as it is business, and have no option to block him either. I promised myself not to read, but being just human failed:(

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Solcita2 Established Member

Solcita2

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OMG... he just doesn't give up...

 

I wonder if he ever wrote to his W while he was with you...

 

I ask myself what the worse you could do to him and that's to ignore him... he will always wonder if you read or not his emails...

However forwarding the emails to his W would maybe make it stop and give you some peace of mind, it could be like slamming the door once and for all... I would forward... but that's just me ;)

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harrybrown Established Member

harrybrown

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Yes, forward the emails to his wife. She needs to know that he has not stopped contacting you.

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waterwoman Established Member

waterwoman

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Yes. She needs to know what he's up to.

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lilmisscantbewrong Established Member

lilmisscantbewrong

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Absolutely forward then to her.

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Ruffian1 Established Member

Ruffian1

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Yes, forward them. Let that poor woman know what he is doing. It's the right thing to do.

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Calcmag Established Member

Calcmag

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I'm not usually one for telling the BS, but in this case, wholeheartedly- yes. Forward them to his wife.

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happy stillmore Established Member

happy stillmore

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I'm also not one for telling the wife things but in this case, I 100% agree. The wife is fully aware of the affair or relationship you shared with her husband. She knew he left her for you. She fought tooth and nail to get him back. Now, I would definitely forward to her. She will see what he is doing and she will see that you are the one who ended the relationship. In her mind, she probably thinks he changed his heart and decided to stay with her. He probably portrayed that idea to her to be the Hero or rightous one.

 

forward the emails. You have nothing to lose. I'm all about honesty now. He needs to realize his actions hurt people. He can't go on lying to people.

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cat Established Member

cat

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I don't have much to add beyond this is a fascinating discussion. Forwarding the emails seems like the quickest way to get the emails to stop! Which in the end is what you want. Sometimes it's hard to accept that he would truly be.... gone (projecting my own feelings here).

 

I mean, no one thinks he'd continue to write after she forwards them, right?

 

It never ceases to amaze me how downright lying and duplicitous people can be.

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doubled Member

doubled

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As a FBS definitely send them. There is no denying hard evidence. I would have wanted to see them.

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cat Established Member

cat

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As a FBS definitely send them. There is no denying hard evidence. I would have wanted to see them.

 

What would you have done after seeing them? What would he have done?

ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

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Do Yourself a favor and Forward the communications to His W!!

A. The emails May stop (good for you & His W)

B. She kicks him to the curb & he comes back to you (good for Her and Maybe good for you)

C. She ignores and everything keeps going the same (doubt it though & bad for both of you)

 

personally, I'd kick him, Then kick him O.U.T.!!

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BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

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Consider me one more vote for sending them.

 

She deserves the truth and he deseves neither of you.

 

It may also have the side benefit of slowing down his contact with you. He's going to be a little busy explaining himself and proving NC.

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Praying4Peace Established Member

Praying4Peace

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Think about this: he is such a jerk, he is convinced you won't send them to his wife and has the balls to send you hard evidence. He literally thinks you're a doormat who will protect you.

 

So even if you can't find it in your heart to do it bc she deserves it, or subconsciously it's flattering: it's not flattering and it's not for her. It's because he thinks you're such a loser that he can wear you down to restart things on the side.

 

Send them.

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doubled Member

doubled

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What would you have done after seeing them? What would he have done?

I would have divorced him a lot sooner than I did. He wouldn't have been able to come up with a story about how she was lying to mess with me. My ex WH always denied until the end. The ex OW loved making me think they spoke and saw each other but would never back it up with proof.

Summer Breeze Established Member

Summer Breeze

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Another vote for sending and it is totally for you and no one else. I don't know your story but am assuming you had a dday and NC was put in place. You're evidently dealing with it and trying to move alone and he's pi$$ing around with you. End it. Send them to her and let him deal with the consequences of his actions. Don't get me wrong. I totally think his BS should know too but I'm saying that you should do it for you and no one else. Great for you, great for her, too bad for him.

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Cali408 Established Member

Cali408

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Do you want to hurt her? I would reply back, "The next email/text/phone call I receive from you will be sent to your wife. I've made my choice, I don't ever want to hear from you again."

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cat Established Member

cat

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At the same time I am not certain OP wants the emails to stop. If she informs the BW she may never see an email again.

 

Yes, not to expose my own weakness :rolleyes: but I think I would feel the exact same way. That would mean it's really, truly, super duper over and that's a hard thing to accept. I think most people want to leave the door slightly cracked at least for a while so if he ever does leave and comes back to the OW, there's a chance. Piss him off too badly and that chance goes away.

Red Wolverine Established Member

Red Wolverine

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Yes, not to expose my own weakness :rolleyes: but I think I would feel the exact same way. That would mean it's really, truly, super duper over and that's a hard thing to accept. I think most people want to leave the door slightly cracked at least for a while so if he ever does leave and comes back to the OW, there's a chance. Piss him off too badly and that chance goes away.

 

It's actually the easiest thing to accept if you really want it. At the same time, it takes things to a new low if the BS knows and you continue contact. Cruelty at it's finest.

 

If the MM really loves and wants the OW, that wouldn't stop him from attempting a legitimate relationship. Put it all out there and see what happens. Most OWs know it spells the end, so they don't do it.

 

It really comes down to motivation. If you're trying to hurt him (maybe his wife, too), but hoping he gets kicked out, you'll struggle.

 

If you believe she has a right to know, recognize the cruelty of his actions to both, and truly want it to end, you'll tell her knowing it's over because you want it to be.

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tiernan Established Member

tiernan

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I have some afterthoughts now. I don't really want him back BUT in some painful way it is better to know he loves me and that he is suffering too. But because it doesn't change anything there is where anger comes in. He is not considerate about my feelings - how hurt I feel to read them, unless he is doing this to show he is sorry and to console me this way????

I wouldn't be able to trust him again and don't want to live in fear that it might repeat in time. As to how BS would react - she knew everything about me for two years. He even told her I had a miscarriage (then she pressed on him even harder that it was a sign from God we are not destined to be together) and nothing literally NOTHING did put her off from getting him back. I don't think it is love it is dependency - she has never worked, she has a big house and a nice garden etc. It is about the lifestyle. I know that for him too. If I sent the e-mails they will not change the picture. She knows it was her who kept pulling him back in, this time successfully, Knowing he still contacts me will not change anything and I will be a pathetic, desperate OW who wants to ruin their chances to repair a perfect marriage. I am struggling. I think I will see what happens. Maybe there will not be any more e-mails.

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SunsetRed Established Member

SunsetRed

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I have some afterthoughts now. I don't really want him back BUT in some painful way it is better to know he loves me and that he is suffering too. But because it doesn't change anything there is where anger comes in. He is not considerate about my feelings - how hurt I feel to read them, unless he is doing this to show he is sorry and to console me this way????

I wouldn't be able to trust him again and don't want to live in fear that it might repeat in time. As to how BS would react - she knew everything about me for two years. He even told her I had a miscarriage (then she pressed on him even harder that it was a sign from God we are not destined to be together) and nothing literally NOTHING did put her off from getting him back. I don't think it is love it is dependency - she has never worked, she has a big house and a nice garden etc. It is about the lifestyle. I know that for him too. If I sent the e-mails they will not change the picture. She knows it was her who kept pulling him back in, this time successfully, Knowing he still contacts me will not change anything and I will be a pathetic, desperate OW who wants to ruin their chances to repair a perfect marriage. I am struggling. I think I will see what happens. Maybe there will not be any more e-mails.

 

 

Wow, our situations are similar. My xmm and his wife were separated when we met. She didn't want him back until she found out he was w me and then pulled every trick in the book. She didn't work, had a big house and garden too and I think a lot of it was that she realized he was spending money on me and she began thinking that that was money that she could use for herself. Bottom line is she begged him back and he went.

 

Now. normally, I would tell an OW NOT to forward emails to the wife because it wont do much to change the fact that they are still married. If anything, the mm would apologize and the wife will end up getting a ring, new car or trip to Hawaii out of it.

 

Your case is very different and your xmm is a big a hole to think he can walk away from you and then torment you w emails, knowing he's too much of a coward to get out of the wife's clutches. It would b good for the wife to see how her husband really feels too and who he really loves. She didn't beg him back because she loved him, she begged him back because there was another hen in the hen house so to speak and she was getting jealous. (sorry if the hen house comparison is offensive, I was raised a country girl and its just one of our sayings about jealous women)

 

The wife needs to know that her manipulative techniques only worked so far and that she doesn't have the leash she thinks she has on her husband.

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whatatangledweb Established Member

whatatangledweb

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If you really don't want to see them and you want her to know then go to your email settings and have them forwarded straight to her. You will never see them and she will see them all.

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cif Established Member

cif

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If you really don't want to see them and you want her to know then go to your email settings and have them forwarded straight to her. You will never see them and she will see them all.

 

 

This is not a good idea, esp. if they're coming from a work email. And it's obvious this BS is turning blind eye and won't care or worse will get annoyed and cause teirnan problems.

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peaksandvalleys Established Member

peaksandvalleys

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As a FBS definitely send them. There is no denying hard evidence. I would have wanted to see them.

 

 

If it were me...I would want to know too. Send them.

Calcmag Established Member

Calcmag

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Do you want to hurt her? I would reply back, "The next email/text/phone call I receive from you will be sent to your wife. I've made my choice, I don't ever want to hear from you again."

 

As I said earlier, I'm not usually one who will advise to tell BS. And because of that, I actually prefer this option. Great suggestion.

 

Of course MM may think you're bluffing OP, but at least he can't say he wasn't warned if he takes a chance again.

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