SubliminalSessions Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 (edited) Just random thoughts in my head late at night... But, I have a particular friend on the 'should I bother' list because in all the time we've known each other...he hasn't put any effort to come to my place. And not just him, but almost ALL of my friends I've known and even people I have dated. I admit I do live outside of the center of town, but it's not like I'm out in the boonies. 15-20 minutes drive. One person in particular had been taking public transportation but then acquired a vehicle and still didn't come to my place and it always had to be me going over there. The only reason I'm even questioning it, is because when things go wrong in a friendship, it always goes back to who came to visit who. The person who couldn't be arsed to make a visit...was usually the one who wasn't fully invested in the friendship/relationship and had no problem walking out unannounced. I have a nice place, I can cook, clean, have a very comfortable bed, have outdoor balcony with a table set up for 2 to just drink and watch the stars...and I find myself going to places with no food in the fridge and flimsy mattresses or couch to sleep on. The want you to come over, but you get there and there's no alcohol or food in the fridge. Meanwhile, you come to my house pots and pans are are the burner and I've got a full bottle of wine on the table. The ones who do appreciate it, do it out of convenience for themselves... Edited September 19, 2013 by SubliminalSessions 1
sakher Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 You can tell if someone is a true friend, or just a sincere person, thru their actions. Your "friends" aren't one of them. Couple of things-there is obviously something about you that keeps them hanging on to this....almost one-sided friendship. In short they're getting something outta you. Second, CALL THEM OUT ON THIS. It's not that hard-"I always come see you guys. How come you guys don't come out to see me?" if they're using excuses on you then CALL them out on their BS. A true friend will go out of their way to see someone else. Third-find new friends. Fourth-test them. Try not contacting them for a while and see if they make an effort to come see you. If they don't want to...then be nonchalant about it and say it's their loss, hang up and don't dwell on it. 1
Author SubliminalSessions Posted September 19, 2013 Author Posted September 19, 2013 CALL THEM OUT ON THIS. It's not that hard-"I always come see you guys. How come you guys don't come out to see me?" lol, I've done that before. With this guy, I was recently kinda pushing him to come to my place for a change. It's like hello, I live alone too. It almost seems like people are uncomfortable to not be at their place. Yes, I get it home is where the heart is. But I also have to set aside my discomfort to be at their place to...where they don't want to run A/C in the summer or heat in the winter... I don't know why I'm getting all mad about it. But I am now...
sakher Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 lol, I've done that before. With this guy, I was recently kinda pushing him to come to my place for a change. It's like hello, I live alone too. It almost seems like people are uncomfortable to not be at their place. Yes, I get it home is where the heart is. But I also have to set aside my discomfort to be at their place to...where they don't want to run A/C in the summer or heat in the winter... I don't know why I'm getting all mad about it. But I am now... That is where a bit of your problem is at...being pushy. It's only going to push them away and annoy them. Whatever you're feeling is normal. Like I said-try distancing yourself and see if they COME to YOU, and not the other way around. That could be another reason why they feel like they don't have to since you're doing all the work. Sad, but true.
Author SubliminalSessions Posted September 19, 2013 Author Posted September 19, 2013 That is where a bit of your problem is at...being pushy. It's only going to push them away and annoy them. Whatever you're feeling is normal. Like I said-try distancing yourself and see if they COME to YOU, and not the other way around. That could be another reason why they feel like they don't have to since you're doing all the work. Sad, but true. lol, well I shouldn't say 'pushing'. I 'suggested'. But I agree with everything else. **** them... 1
writergal Posted September 19, 2013 Posted September 19, 2013 I can totally relate to your post because I've had the same thing happen to me. Real friends will want to come to your place no matter where you live. It's just that simple. I've had those fair weather friendships where they refuse to come visit me in my home when I invite them, yet have no problem inviting me over to their place. Well, after I called them out on this one-sided-ness, that was the end of those non-friendships and I don't miss them at all. If anything, I feel better about myself now that they aren't in my life because it is hurtful when you invite someone to come over and they repeatedly provide excuses not too. I wouldn't call those types in your life "friends." Their actions aren't actions of friends but moreso from one-sided acquaintances.
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