I Think I'm Making Progress!

[SnuggleKitten]

Okay. My ex-fiance and I met about five years ago. At the time, he was drinking heavily and wasn't very nice to people. I was roaming around a site, and we found each other. He got me in trouble because he thought it was funny. I didn't think much of him, as he was VERY secretive. We lost touch for awhile. Fast forward to 2011. Same site. Friends said they were off to "rescue" a friend who was stuck in a bad situation and needed out. I kept in contact via text with them, asking about the trip. They told me first when they had gotten him out. Turns out, it's the same guy. Everyone was abuzz about him. I thought nothing of it. A girl he was dating showed me a picture of him. I kept my thoughts to myself as she gushed about him in a sickeningly sweet way, but in my heart, I fell. A few days later, I got to "meet" him again. I actually insulted his taste in music (people are able to DJ live music on this site, that's what we both were doing). He suddenly began asking MY opinion on what he played, and would play more music I liked. We talked, and a friendship blossomed. In the meantime, his girlfriend was OVERLY mushy with him, and he didn't really reciprocate. One day, I was talking to both of them separately, and he told me he was going to break up with her. I urged him to do what he thought was right for him. To her, I tried to keep her calm, but she freaked out. He went off and kinda disappeared for a few weeks, then returned. During that time, we barely talked. When he came back, we resumed our conversation like no time had passed. One day, I decided to take a chance and I hit on him. He was shocked. He had NO idea I had feelings like that for him, and he admitted he had feelings for me too. We fell in love fast, but kept things quiet as his ex was still around. She later accused me of stealing him from her, which wasn't what happened. He and I have been together off and on now for almost two years. We took a break in August of last year until October due to issues in the house we stayed at. I came back, things were fine for awhile. Then on December 29th, he put me on a train and sent me to my mom's, saying we needed another break. He swore we weren't breaking up, but after I got to my mom's, I texted him to let him know I made it. He said he'd been thinking, and that he wanted to end our relationship. I was devastated. I went into a funk and then shortly after, I came out of it. We talked, but he was stuck again with another woman he couldn't stand just to keep a roof over his head. He was told nobody wanted to take him in. He was being manipulated by the people he thought were his friends. Once I showed him proof that people around him weren't who he thought they were, he agreed to come over and talk. He said he would spend the night, and go back. He stayed for several days. We went through a period where he would come stay longer, and leave more of his stuff. One night, he packed the rest and told these people he was leaving to be with me. A couple months later, he went back and broke up with me again. It didn't last but about a month, and he was back with me. On my birthday, he gave me a ring and proposed to me. He moved out of state 8 days later, and dumped me again. He said he didn't want to talk to me, didn't want to see me, didn't love me anymore. He had started talking to an engaged woman who lives in Australia. He still talks to her, but has been talking to me a LOT the past few days. He told me that if I am able to accomplish my plan of moving to another city (a larger one where I can more easily find work), get therapy for my issues (yes, I have them), and get a place, he would be happy to come and live with me...as roommates. That hurt me a little, but I didn't let him know. He said he is getting a new cell phone, and will be trying to find a job where he lives. He wants to replace worn articles of clothing, pay his phone, and save the rest. He wouldn't tell me what for, though. He's still pretty secretive. He opens up to me a little, then clams right back up. He is hiding the fact that he's talking to me from the people he stays with, and won't tell me why. He has said he is not ready for a relationship RIGHT NOW. Every time, he's gone into this defensive mode, and his moods change rapidly. He admitted that since he left, he hasn't been eating or sleeping well. I asked if he wanted me to let go and walk away, or move on. He said he didn't know at this point, but that he still wants to keep talking to me. I am staying calm through all of this. I sent him pictures of myself and our cat, and he commented that he thought the pictures were nice. He has encouraged me during our conversations to keep talking to him. Going by the past pattern, it won't be long before he admits that he still loves me, and he misses me and wants me back. This time, however, it will be on MY conditions. He keeps blowing hot and cold. He seems receptive, then he backs away. I understand he has doubts that I will accomplish my plans, but I am very determined to do it. I love him more than any other man I've ever been with, and I want to marry him in the future. I keep fighting. He asked me why I keep getting "mushy" and affectionate when he was giving me the full-blown cold shoulder, and I told him it's because I love him, I miss him, I would take him back and work things out. He said "Okay". At this point, I'm moving in two days. I am setting my plans into motion as quickly as possible. He told me I have an awful lot to do, getting a job and therapy, saving money, getting a place. It feels like he's pushing me away to see how far he can push before I give up, but I am a LOT more determined than that. I swore to him I would NEVER give up on him or us, and I'm sticking to it.

 

Does anyone have any insight? No bashing, but some advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

[keepontruckin]

I will only read if post is broken down into readable paragraphs...